random ramblings …

On my mind.

The idea of self.

Who we think we are, who we think we were, who we want to be.  And how all those things form who we actually become.

Also interesting — the idea of seeing yourself from someone else’s perspective.

Do strangers think I wobble as much when I walk as I feel I do?  Do my co-workers think I do my job as well as I hope I do?  Do my friends think I’m a good person or that I’m all smoke and mirrors?

Am I all smoke and mirrors?

What do I really believe and do I live by those tenants?  Or am I a hypocrite?  (Disclaimer: sometimes I can honestly say, I can be a hypocrite).

All of this stems from more of Dr. Sadeghi’s book — about the power of words, both spoken to others and spoken to ourselves.  Do we tell ourselves that we are smart and pretty?  Do we tell ourselves that we are fat and worthless?  How do we speak to ourselves — and how does that language affect how we behave as people?  It’s an interesting thing to contemplate.  And as I’ve had a few life events recently that have made me really examine myself, my motivations, the way I handle things/approach situations and the results I hope/look to achieve it’s really put me in an introspective mindspace.

Who I actually am and who I strive to be are very different people.  But also — the flawed nature of my being constantly working toward being the person I want to be –hope to be – can only lead to a betterment, can’t it?  I hope so.

So often, I feel as though I can clearly see the rights, the wrongs, the gray areas and the path I feel is the best.  But actually following that path can sometimes prove more challenging in practice and then I find myself lost again, struggling to regain my direction.

Maybe that’s why I like self-help books.  They are my roadmaps to who I want to be.

One thought on “random ramblings …

  1. Hello there. Every once in a while I check your website/blog to see what you’re thinking and saying, and every time I do I am amazed at your wisdom, fortitude, forbearance and patience. And also at you wonderful ability to put in to words the things you are feeling, the emotions which assail you – what makes you sad, or angry or scared – and happy, or sanguine…..or whatever you are feeling on a given day at a given moment.
    I see you haven’t posted anything for a while, and I can understand why. All I want to do now is share my love for you with you, and tell you that you are a wonderful young woman who is an example to me in every way.

    I love you Gwyneth – keep a smile on that beautiful face, and know that I love you with all my heart!

    Aunty Lenny xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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