I have been spinning like a top for weeks — hoping that I’m going fast enough not to tip over and fall, but knowing that because of the speed, everything is staying afloat by a hair — by a breath. I opened up my blog to write a little bit, and I will, but I saw this post that I began back in October, and I felt as though it was important enough to share. I spent the weekend following this with one of my greatest friends, and it was wonderful and perfect and all the things that felt as though they were piling up felt less burdensome. For just a moment.
October 22nd ~
On Tuesday morning, I bit it. Hard. Right on Market Street near City Hall.
Then I found out that my assistant had made an error so huge that it jeopardized half our staff’s payroll.
My company is growing so fast that I can’t keep up. I take a lot of pride in what I do and what I’ve helped to build. But right now it feels much too big to get a hold of and take care of properly. And that’s scary.
And I’ve spent the last week as a single person.
My husband took his dad on the trip of a lifetime and he has no cell service where he is — so here I am, alone. With my Lucy Lou.
It hasn’t been easy. There are moments when I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. Work, and home and responsibility and falling in the middle of the street — it isn’t easy.
And then I remember that I’m doing it — I’m holding it all together, and I’m doing it by myself. I’m eating healthy food, and getting proper rest, and taking Lucy out and keeping the house clean, and paying the bills and doing laundry and running a company … and I’m doing it alone.
It’s humbling. And it’s really hard. I think of my mother, who was a wife, a mother, a career-woman and all the shades in between. And I am both inspired and in awe. There are women out there, every day, with so many balls in the air. And they don’t all have the support that I have in John. They are making it happen and making it work on their own.