random ramblings …

On my mind.

The idea of self.

Who we think we are, who we think we were, who we want to be.  And how all those things form who we actually become.

Also interesting — the idea of seeing yourself from someone else’s perspective.

Do strangers think I wobble as much when I walk as I feel I do?  Do my co-workers think I do my job as well as I hope I do?  Do my friends think I’m a good person or that I’m all smoke and mirrors?

Am I all smoke and mirrors?

What do I really believe and do I live by those tenants?  Or am I a hypocrite?  (Disclaimer: sometimes I can honestly say, I can be a hypocrite).

All of this stems from more of Dr. Sadeghi’s book — about the power of words, both spoken to others and spoken to ourselves.  Do we tell ourselves that we are smart and pretty?  Do we tell ourselves that we are fat and worthless?  How do we speak to ourselves — and how does that language affect how we behave as people?  It’s an interesting thing to contemplate.  And as I’ve had a few life events recently that have made me really examine myself, my motivations, the way I handle things/approach situations and the results I hope/look to achieve it’s really put me in an introspective mindspace.

Who I actually am and who I strive to be are very different people.  But also — the flawed nature of my being constantly working toward being the person I want to be –hope to be – can only lead to a betterment, can’t it?  I hope so.

So often, I feel as though I can clearly see the rights, the wrongs, the gray areas and the path I feel is the best.  But actually following that path can sometimes prove more challenging in practice and then I find myself lost again, struggling to regain my direction.

Maybe that’s why I like self-help books.  They are my roadmaps to who I want to be.