It’s sort of like everything all the time, and nothing at all.
I don’t really know how to better describe it. How it affects everything, and is always on my mind, but at the same time isn’t that important at all.
When I talk about my MS, I usually feel like it’s a throwaway comment ~ not that big a deal, just the norm. But then, halfway through the words coming out of my mouth, I realize (usually from the changing facial expression of the person I’m talking to) that perhaps, my comments are a little more jarring to them.
I guess it’s like …. nope. I can’t think of anything that it might be like. It’s just … my baseline, my reality. I don’t want sympathy. I don’t want pity. But I also don’t know how to exist without it anymore. It’s such a huge part of my whole life. It influences everything I do, everything I wear, every decision I make. I am no longer myself without the MS. I am MS, it’s become part of my framework.
I don’t bring it up on purpose … and what I mean by that is, it’s so much a part of every aspect of my life, I don’t know how to exist without acknowledging it. Yes. Maybe that’s it.
I guess my throwaway bio on Instagram and Twitter are the truest of true … I am an MS warrior — BUT, I’m so much more than that. Sometimes maybe, it’s hard to remember that there’s so much more, when I lead with such a wham bang punch.