April, 2012
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space
For some reason, I have been a little bit preoccupied with space of late.
As in, every feels too small, and too closed in.
This was the majority of the motivating factor of our recent apartment ‘facelift.’ Luckily, the man is very understanding of my need for constant organization (I wouldn’t say I have OCD, but I wouldn’t not say it, either).
We stream-lined the apartment, and we’ve been spending a lot of time with Lucy at the many state parks in our area (we are very fortunate in that) taking long walks and enjoying the peace of nature. It’s not quite the same as actually being in the country and not hearing a highway and the constant noise of traffic ~ but it’s a lot better than the constant crush and rush of inner-city Philadelphia.
My need for space to breath was also a factor in our purchase a few months ago of my new vehicle (or as the man refers to it, my ‘whip’). I loved my Mini with all my heart, but being in a one-bedroom apartment and driving a car with ‘small’ in the name, plus commuting into the claustrophobia of the city every day ~ I felt as though I wanted to stretch and every time I tried, my arms and legs were bumping into something ~ penning me in.
I’ve been lucky that many things have changed recently ~ the new car, the new furniture, and most importantly, the new business offices for my company. Now instead of sitting in an hour’s worth of rush hour traffic, I’m just driving to the next town over. It means less time alone for Lucy, less stress for me … more space.
This weekend we are hosting the man’s family, and we *finally* have a place for them to sleep that isn’t piles of blankets on the floor. Tomorrow, my parents will be here as well, and we will all break bread together (for the first time) over Easter luncheon. Today I prepped my asparagus bisque (which I am serving chilled) and made craft-y DIY centerpieces that I found in “Good Housekeeping.” I’ll share all that tomorrow ~ but for tonight, we’re noshing on Smitten Kitchen’s Buttermilk Roast Chicken with pull apart bread and a baby spinach salad with honey-roasted almonds and pear slices.
Hope you’re enjoying Easter weekend as well.
action
“To action alone hast thou a right and never at all to its fruits; let not the fruits of action be thy motive; neither let there be in thee any attachment to inaction” ~Bhagavad Gita
I heard the above quote incorrectly today ~ I heard “To action alone one is entitled, and never to its root.” Until I spoke with my yoga instructor after class and read the text over her shoulder, I didn’t realize that I’d been contemplating the brilliance of a mis-quoted line.
But as I sit here and meditate on it, I’m glad I mis-heard her.
Recently, I’ve been very angry. I don’t know why. And I’ve always been sensitive. And I’ve over-thought things. Imagine the “ah-hah” moment I had when I thought, ‘Wait a second … the only thing that I am entitled to is the action. The motivation behind it ~ not my concern.” It felt like permission to take things and react to things at face value, instead of agonizing about the meaning behind the action.
I often say – mostly with a laugh and a shrug- that from the age of eighteen until about the age of twenty-eight, I lost my way. I made a lot of bad decisions, and I lost sight of who I was, what I believed in, and how I wanted to live my life. I didn’t have much self-confidence (do many twenty-somethings?) and because of that, I searched for reassurance and acceptance in the wrong places. I knew who I thought I was ~ but I don’t think that’s how I presented myself to the world. I didn’t take pride in myself. I went through a few life-altering experiences in my late twenties. The self-doubts and insecurities -even after finding my footing, acknowledging my incredible support system and finding a partner who is my best friend and who nurtures the best in me- sometimes seep into my daily life.
Pondering the idea that perhaps an action is just an action, and not a subliminal message in pretty packaging, is probably something I should make a daily habit. And even if that subliminal message exists, it might be beneficial (for me, at least) to remind myself that I can either give credence to it, or I can move past it. There is no law requiring intense dissection of underlying meanings.
Actions are powerful things, even without ulterior motives.
Even in the true meaning of the passage, action should be undertaken for the simple act itself, not the fruits of it. To loosely quote what Minda said after class, “I tell my students that it isn’t about the bonus points or the rewards ~ do the work to do the work”. On that subject, the simple act of doing usually results in knowledge or wisdom or epiphanies. If you go through the motions, you learn whether you mean to or not. Action is funny that way, huh? 😉 (I can hear the piano teacher of my youth saying ‘practice, practice, practice!’ right now).
The other aspect that (in my mis-heard version) struck a chord was acknowledging that no action doesn’t necessarily have an ulterior motive, either. Stressing about inaction is just as futile as stressing about action, or more importantly, the implied meaning of either the action or inaction.
Action.
It’s such a huge idea to wrap one’s head around. Not only the ideas proposed during my hot vinyasa class, but as an overriding concept.
Actions speak louder than words. A cliché, but utterly true. Here are a couple more.
Lead by example.
Just do it.
I’m not trying to be hokey, but these are the things I am thinking as I contemplate the power of action. I’m thinking of the people I respect, the things I strive to be.
I was called out once for talking a great game but never following through (see above regarding the ten year period between 18 and 28). I didn’t understand the significance of that until much later, but when I did, and as I sit here now, I realize the power of that (constructive) criticism.
Action is powerful. Right now, the man and I are watching “The 60s” (one of his favs, and really interesting … also pertinent to my current thought process). The marches and protests and riots during the 60’s are a prime example. Not all the results of actions are positive, but actions are powerful.
To close things out, I’m going to fall back on another great cliché.
I would rather regret something I did, rather than something I did not do. What could sum it up better than that? Oh, and don’t forget. It’s just the action. Not the implied, subliminal, possible interpretation. Just the action itself.
april fools
This morning, we woke to Lucy waiting patiently for us to get out of bed, feed her and take her for a walk. She was waiting expectantly, eyes focused on us, cool as a cucumber. It was adorable.
She’s been a good sport the past few weekends when we have spent most of each day re-organizing our entire apartment. We usually like to make changes in the spring, but this year, we have successfully replaced nearly every piece of furniture we own. We went a little nuts.
You can imagine that for Lucy, this has been a lot of upheaval. All she really wants is to run through the woods, curl up in her bed, and have her people close at hand.
Today, after enjoying a Friday night birthday dinner for my dad (lobster, asparagus and baked potatoes prepared expertly by my Mama Bear and Zia), a Saturday filled with Ikea purchases, and furniture rearranging, it was only to be expected that Lucy would anticipate a long walk. Unfortunately, we spent most of the afternoon finishing our massive project, racing to be done and curled up for the premiere of “Game of Thrones.”
Today is also my daddy’s birthday, so I usually forget that April 1st is April Fool’s Day. (For Lucy, it must have felt particularly cruel when we took her to the park and did half the walk). I can’t believe it’s April already ~ time just keeps slipping by. Next weekend is Easter, and the man and I are hosting both sets parents – the first time in the nearly four years we have been together that our parents are spending time together. My fingers are crossed that it all goes smoothly ~ seven people, three dogs, one small kitchen and lots of chefs!
D5 Creation