Have you ever had a moment when it felt incredibly clear that you perhaps weren’t living up to the person you want to be?

I had one today.  I thought ~ wow.  I really squander a lot of time.  I watch TV when I should be reading a book.  I go to the gym at 9pm and then sit up til midnight unwinding instead of going straight to bed (although yes, I did go to the gym).  I hit snooze instead of getting up and getting to work early.  I don’t meal plan.  I let laundry pile up.

I want to be educated, but I really hate watching the news and hearing about all the fires and shootings and crime.  It doesn’t inspire much hope about the human race, and I inevitably have nightmares.

Today we took Lucy to the vet (for what feels like the millionth time).  I was running late getting home from work and of course, despite her incredible ability to evacuate her bowels constantly, we couldn’t get a sample.  I felt flustered and agitated that I wasn’t on top of everything.  I felt frustrated all day that for some reason, the feeling of passion or fire, doesn’t infuse my work days. Sitting at the vet, I wondered why I didn’t choose a career path more virtuous, like veterinary medicine.  Something where the work you do contributes positively to society.

In the end, all any of us can do is try every day to be the best person we can be ~ make the choices we want to make.  Some days we will be lazy, and some days we will feel as though we are making incredible headway.  Change takes time, and change comes from creating new routines.  I guess if I work hard at creating new routines (like going to the gym ~ at 9pm or any time!), I can try to modify them as I get more comfortable.  It’s all about being proactive, right?