random thoughts on a monday
This morning, the last thing I wanted to do was get out of bed. The weather was gross (although the snow was momentarily very pretty, and Miss Lucy loved it, as usual), the weekend was too short, and my work week seemed to loom ominously before me.
But, as usual, up I got. I finished my course of steroids on Friday, so I’ve been flying solo for three days, and luckily, my flare symptoms seem to be under control. I spent a little bit of time over the weekend beginning the research my doctor assigned on the various drug treatments for MS, as well as exploring some other dietary options, and reaching out to a few people I have been connected with who also have MS.
It’s pretty easy to read about lifestyle changes, and adopting new diets ~ it’s a whole different kettle of fish (can I just pause for a moment, and say that this expression always makes me think of “Anne of Green Gables” ~ a book I believe all young women should read ~ I think of it with such love and affection, and periodically revisit the ear-marked pages of my old paperback copy … such a beautiful and enchanting story) to actually do it. I have been struggling with this. A lot.
Many things I’ve read have shown that diet is an important part of living with MS. We’ve started being much more consistent about our Green Smoothies (every morning!) and we have eliminated gluten (slightly more challenging but we’re working on it). I was referred to another diet completely associated with coping with MS called the Swank Diet, which restricts fats and animal protein. Some people believe a raw vegan diet keeps flares at bay.
Figuring out how to give up meat (red or any other kind), dairy and basically, carbohydrates has been such a learning experience. When I first considered it, I behaved a little like a petulant school girl. But as time has gone by, with the support of the man (and my pescatarian puppy, Lucy) I’ve stopped being childish, and embraced the idea. I repeat, the idea. The practice is much more challenging.
So, John suggested I try finding recipes I find appealing without classifying it as either ‘vegetarian’ or ‘gluten-free.’ And I am excited to say that I have three recipes I am fairly bursting with excitement to make. Watch this space. Hopefully they are all good!
I think what I’m learning ~and I cannot emphasize this enough … the hard way (if I didn’t feel motivated to protect and preserve my health I might not be so determined) ~ is that for me, making these changes has to be one baby step at a time. I know that what I’m doing is for the best in regards to my health and future. And I also know my baby steps need to be in fairly rapid succession. There isn’t time to waste. But this is hard. And it’s way harder every day than it is in theory, at the beginning. It’s about making the changes, and establishing the routines. And sticking to it. And not making exceptions. And it’s really hard. So, welcome to week #2.
routines
Every morning, while the man is getting ready for work, I set about making our Green Smoothies. Over the summer, when MS was a possibility, but not a certainty, I sat down with a nutritionist, and she gave me so much information and so many resources, it felt as though I was back in college, doing a history term paper. I mean, the wealth of information out there on self-healing through diet is impressive, and thorough. I was surprised how little I knew and as I learned more, and experimented, it was hard not to acknowledge the benefits.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I didn’t wake up and make a seamless transition to healthy living. I have much too much love for food (all food, my friends, I don’t discriminate) and wine for any dietary changes to be easy. What the man and I decided after a few abortive failures at a drastic overhaul was that we were going to start small, and grow.
Green smoothies, it turns out, are a good first step. My soon-to-be-MIL got me a NutriBullet for Christmas and it has quickly become the number one kitchen accessory we use. The NutriBullet breaks the Green Smoothie down so that you can pretty much make one in your sleep. Fill the bottom of the cup with greens (about halfway to the max line), add fruit (good tip: use avocado or banana to even out the texture) to the max line, add your boost (usually, the man and I add a dollop of raw almond butter with flax seeds, and a little scoop of the Green Vibrance pictured above) and then you fill the cup with water to the Max line, twist on the Extractor Blade, pop it on the base, press and blend.
Voila, instant Green Smoothie.
This week, we’ve had banana-strawberry flavored smoothies every day because we are waiting for our avocado to ripen. I use a 50/50 baby spinach and greens mix for my base, 1 banana & 1 apple (each smoothie gets half) a tangerine each (vitamin C), a few strawberries as mentioned, and a squeeze of fresh lime juice (contrary to natural instinct, lime and lemon juice are very alkaline, so I like to pop a little in every day), plus the boosts and water.
When I was talking to the nutritionist, there was so much information, I absolutely did not retain it all ~ but I did scribble down as much as I could. The benefit of eating greens is so all-encompassing, I don’t really know where to start. Needless to say ~ it’s been a change for the better for us, and while I used to be a little lax about it, I’ve gotten pretty hard-core in the past few weeks.
It’s not hard to find information about Green Smoothies and their benefits. I literally just googled it (just to be sure!), and pages and pages of links pop up (some to books and authors I’ve read and others to the abundant resources in existence regarding Green Smoothies). For me, it’s about more than losing weight, having clearer skin or higher energy levels. Green Smoothies offer a way to make sure that I am getting the daily benefits of leafy greens and fruits in my diet. Greens are an incredibly rich source of minerals and are often regarded as the most concentrated form of nutrition. The darker they are, the more nutritional punch they pack. Additionally, greens carry elements (phytonutrients) that help protect our body’s cells from damage, and our eyes from degeneration. At the top of the list of greens’ health benefits is Vitamin K, which, among other qualities, has been shown to help reduce inflammation throughout the body (in my case, when inflammation is part of MS, this is not just a good thing, it’s a great one). Additionally, greens help regulate our digestive system, and help to maintain a pH balance in our blood (helping our body to stay alkaline instead of acidic ~ this is a whole ‘nother topic for a whole ‘nother day!).
In the past few weeks, as the inevitable conclusion loomed larger on the horizon, I spent a lot of time thinking through what decisions I wanted to make, could commit to making, and which things I wasn’t interested in. I would lie in bed at night, wide awake as the moonlight spilled in through the window and Lucy and the man snurffled away, and visualize how my ‘new’ life was going to take shape. It may sound strange, but it was a great comfort to me even to control my life mentally, as everything around me felt out of my control.
Additionally, the man and I talked through different options, what we each believed in, and how we thought it would fit into our life. There were so many things to consider, and sometimes I had a hard time finding perspective, because I was afraid. I like to fancy myself an optimist, but in real life, I definitely have my ‘glass half empty’ moments.
Because multiple sclerosis is characterized by ‘flares,’ which, in the simplest explanation, are spots of inflammation, controlling inflammation throughout my body is now a priority. Funny the things you just don’t really think about until … well, until you do. In that vein, the man and I have committed first and foremost to two dietary steps that we feel will help to control inflammation ~ Green Smoothies, and eliminating gluten from our diet. Luckily for me, going gluten-free is pretty trendy right now (and I have an amazingly supportive man). We can chat more about that tomorrow. Until then, go get your Green Smoothie on! They taste good ~ I promise!
day number two
This evening, the man, Lucy and I are curled up on our couch, watching the third episode of “Downton Abbey.” I am enjoying some delicious spoonfuls of Nutella, following a quick meal of quinoa, roasted cauliflower, pesto and meatballs. Don’t judge ~ I believe that Nutella can cure most ills. And the quinoa dish ~ one of our new favs.
In my experience, day #2 is always a slightly more bitter pill to swallow than day #1. Here’s why (my opinion only, of course!) ~ sometimes you feel very brave and strong and unbeatable that first day. And then you go to sleep, inspired and full of well-meaning and ideas, and the next day dawns, and the truth settles into your bones … the real reality. And it doesn’t feel exciting or stimulating, or inspiring ~ it feels overwhelming … a little like an insurmountable obstacle.
Today, I felt it was important to share my news with my extended family. It didn’t feel responsible to give that burden to my parents, so I did my best to construct an email that let everyone know what was going on. It’s funny, because I had all sorts of ideas of things I wanted to blog about today (green smoothies, the power of nutrition, etc, etc) but really, it came down to the response from my family. It was overwhelmingly positive, which was reassuring. But it was also the sort of ‘stiff upper lip’ stuff so intimately familiar and comforting that I associate with my British family.
Life hasn’t been especially easy since July 2012 ~ my first MS symptoms reared their ugly and very unwelcome head, but my mother was also given quite a serious diagnosis (which is not my business to share online) so for my immediate and extended family, I am sure it has been something to get their heads around. Everyone has trials and tribulations, highs and wallowing lows ~ but we have definitely shouldered our burden for the past six months.
It’s hard to know what to say when someone presents to you their bad news. My family did an admirable job of being a beautiful combination of loving, sympathetic, supportive, upbeat and realistic. I have to give them credit, because it is not easy to be on the receiving end of the email I sent. I have to give a special shout-out to my brother’s lady love, whose response (restricted by twitter’s 160 character limit … and man, she’s a pro) was my favorite. Yes, I am admitting bias.
Tomorrow will dawn day #3 .. and the further in we get, the more the novelty wears off, and the reality sets in. I hope that as time marches on, I don’t lose my focus and my drive, my idea of staying positive. It’s a new challenge, and there is no guidebook. It’s just the man, Lucy and I, figuring it out one day at a time.
new beginnings
About eleven days ago, I began the following post (below in italics ~ we’ll get there). I wasn’t sure I was ready to face the real truth of what was going on, but throughout my life, I’ve found writing to be an excellent outlet. I wrote that day ~ but faltered, and haven’t been able sit down and write again. Until today.
Now, as I sit on my couch, drinking gluten-free beer and watching “Grumpy Old Men,” (is there a better combination to combat life-altering news? I think not!) I am contemplating the idea that this moment, this information ~ it offers me a path. Now, the path would not have been obvious had a doctor not told me matter-of-factly at about 1.45pm that I have a non-curable chronic disease ~ but pish posh, right? Can’t turn back time ( although I do love Cher’s song contemplating the options if one could).
If you can’t tell, I’m a little punch drunk, and a little bit loopy. Deservedly so, I say, having spent the better part of 2013’s early days in and out of doctors offices and diagnostic testing. At least now its been said ~ it’s done. And I can take that information and run with it.
Folks, I have multiple sclerosis. Fact. January 21st, 2013 is the first day of the rest of my life. I do like the number 21, so I’m okay with it, I guess. Always looking on the bright side ;)!
I had this moment today ~ when I called to schedule my follow-up appointment following my most recent round of MRIs ~ that I thought maybe the same news would come that came in July ~ no signs whatsoever of any lesions. In retrospect, that was probably fairly wishful thinking (the symptoms have been much more intense for the past three plus weeks). But if we can’t be wishful and hopeful, what’s the point?
So, eleven days ago … I wrote this.
“So, here’s the thing. Yesterday, when my home nurse was visiting, she pretty much distilled what’s going on in my life down to one sentence. She said, ‘After the sadness, and the anger, and the feeling-sorry-for-yourself feelings pass, remember that it’s a life-changing diagnosis, not life ending.”
And even in the microcosm of yesterday, when my mind raced up and down the mountains of possibilities and fears and all manner of other things, that one sentence was worth remembering. And remembering often, and with conviction.
When multiple sclerosis was first mentioned as a possibility, back in July (remember that month? yeah, it sucked), I wasn’t really ready to admit the truth of it. I was completely convinced that my case of optic neuritis was one hundred percent not a pre-cursor for MS. Naive, perhaps. But I think anyone who receives what feels like, and on many levels is a pretty dire health diagnosis has to work through the denial and the fear and all the other feelings that come bubbling to the surface of your conscience.”
So I got stuck after that, because there was no end, no neat ribbon to wrap things up with ~ no pithy or witty thoughtful query.
It was true, and raw, and real and … well, scary.
I googled MS and read some really not uplifting stories of other people who thought what I did ~ my eyesight was a detached retina, nothing was wrong with me, I was healthy … etc, etc. etc. And over the past eleven days, as I geared up for the inevitable diagnosis, I began contemplating how I was going to choose to deal with my new life path.
So far ~ and I’m not far into this at all ~ but, so far, I’ve felt a little bit alone, and as though while everyone has a friend, or knows someone (and thinks I should talk to that person/call/consult, etc) ~ the people who are writing about their experiences are less than upbeat. (** Sidenote, I am not the most tech savvy or google-happy person out there, so I guarantee I have not read it all, or even close … Sidenote x2 ~ Montel Williams information was by far my favorite and most encouraging to find).
And I get it ~ when I started to lose feeling in my feet (amongst other, not-ready-to-share issues), and then slowly realized that getting it back would not occur with a magical pill ~ it was highly discouraging. And the truth is ~ from the little I have learned ~ MS is pretty unique to each person. Everyone’s symptoms and cases are individual and manifest per person. So no one’s story is going to answer my questions, or completely assuage my fears.
I said to my mum on the phone today ~ for a person like myself who has always existed in a black and white world, it’s wildly ironic that I got a disease that exists only in the gray area. I want rules to follow ~ I want a sequence of steps that will cure things … but MS doesn’t work like that.
Having an answer ~ even a very dreaded answer ~ eases some of my anxiety but it opens up the door to the unknown. How will my life change ~ what are my next steps? My neurologist gave the man and I a stack of information on various drugs that we have been tasked with researching and exploring before our next appointment. I’ve already decided the one I like (packaging is everything ~ and whoever did the packaging for my new meds definitely knew the way to this girl’s heart … haha! I am certainly not going to choose life time medication via packaging … but it does give one an edge!).
What I’ve been contemplating is that documenting this journey ~ beginning today ~ may be a way for me to work through all the unknowns, but also potentially allow me to reach someone else who is struggling and scared and unsure. Who knows. Maybe even reaching myself will be enough ~ goodness knows, I’m struggling and scared and unsure.
Here are the facts ~ I have brain and spinal lesions (aka, my immune system is mistakenly attacking my nervous system at various spots). I have been on high potency IV steroids to calm the ‘flares’ since last Friday (nothing teaches you what you are capable of like injecting yourself with meds, saline and blood thinners) and I will most likely be on self-injected medication for the rest of my life. Pretty heavy stuff for a thirty-three year old woman who has a list of dreams she hasn’t fulfilled yet.
Here’s how I feel. I refuse to choose to be ho-hum doll drum about it. It sucks ~ if anyone has the audacity to contradict me on that, please. Lemme know your ‘genius’ logic. It sucks, and that’s that. But it doesn’t have to suck every second of every day, and I refuse to believe that there aren’t strong, proactive choices I can make to lead as normal a life as possible. I have been given the gift of knowledge regarding nutrition and the benefits of dietary choices and fitness choices that have been shown to help others suffering from MS. That, in and of itself, is incredibly encouraging.
Welcome to my new blog, and my new journey. I’ll see ya tomorrow.
’12
It’s easy to be discouraged. Especially in this day and age, when I feel as though comparisons exist on every level for every aspect of life. Especially today, when a tragedy like Sandy Hook hangs in the air, asking all of us to question … well, everything.
It is easy to be discouraged. It is much, much harder to stay encouraged.
This year has been a tough year for me. Tougher than most, and it definitely tested my character, and who I felt I was as a human. Which is hilarious, because I was so convinced that 2012 would be my year. God has a sense of humor, I suppose.
This December, however, has been a bright spot, and I am grateful for all that I have enjoyed. At the beginning of the month, the man and I headed up to his hometown, and while he and his dad headed out to hunt (not my thing, but it’s part of his family tradition) his mom and I journeyed to “Dickens of a Christmas” in Wellsboro, Pennsylvania. Wellsboro is a cute little town still sporting gas street lamps, and dozens upon dozens of vendors lined the main street, everyone dressed in period costumes, and selling their wares. It was a really good time (I even had funnel cake!) and I was two pairs of recycled sweater mittens richer when we left.
This Santa was fantastic. Seriously. My picture does his suit’s details no justice at all.
And a choir!
December is one of those months where every weekend feels booked up, and ours are no exception. After another week of work (bleh), we headed down to DC for a birthday party ~ the man’s oldest friend from high school”s (well, birth if we’re getting specific) son turned three, and we made the trek to celebrate. Then back to my parents house, to pick up Lucy, and spend some time with the fam.
On Sunday, after a delicious breakfast, we headed home to unwind and relax. Unfortunately, (please read with sarcasm) the Steelers trouncing by the Chargers was not televised but we were able to watch the Giants domination of the Saints. Since the weather had been iffy all day, we decided to take a drive and enjoy some Christmas lights (alright, the truth is, the man thought the lights would look cool in the fog). We discovered a legitimate Candy Cane Lane right near our house, but the true highlight were the mansions on the man’s drive to work, which were decked to the nines. And then, as Bing Crosby crooned “White Christmas” to us (my favorite Christmas voice, and movie) John very sweetly asked me to marry him.
I, of course, said yes. 
We were able to celebrate all week, as my birthday fell on Wednesday (which I spent in NYC and got to see my bro!), and we threw our Second Annual Holiday Party (successful!) the following Saturday. It has been a very exciting, happy week, despite the horrific and incomprehensible tragedy of Sandy Hook.
I even made my very first roast chicken! I used a Martha Stewart recipe (which I normally would eschew for various, valid reasons) and it was amazing. In case you are feeling up for a hearty, cold weather meal, check this out:
What you need: 
1 whole chicken
4 lemons
S & P
Red bliss potatoes
rosemary
Cherry tomatoes
Thyme
EVOO
Crumbled feta (although Martha used blue)
Baby spinach
Mustard
1 shallot
What to do:
Okay, so here’s the deal. About a year and a half ago, I caught this episode of Martha Stewart, and she was interviewing a woman from Glamor magazine. They were discussing a new list of recipes being published “100 Recipes Every Woman Should Know.” I wrote down some sketchy instructions of what to do, and then never got around to making it for – as previously stated – a year and a half. I’m going to share what I did, and I have to say, it turned out pretty well.
First, I preheated the oven to 400 degrees.
Then, I emptied out the chicken, rinsed it off, and patted it dry. I stuffed the interior with two full lemons (which I rolled on the counter to soften up), and using the remaining lemon, covered the exterior with lemon juice and a generous coating of salt & pepper.
Next up, I dropped the oven temp to 350, and put the bird in upside down for 15 minutes. During that time, I lined two cookie sheets with tin foil, and cut up the baby red bliss potatoes and the cherry (or grape ~ I’m not particular) tomatoes and spread them (separately) on each sheet.
After the chicken had cooked for 15 minutes, I flipped it, and cooked it another 1 hour and 45 minutes (despite Martha saying it would be 1 hr 15 mins max … oh well!).
After I flipped the chicken, I returned my concentration to the rest of the meal. I seasoned both potatoes and tomatoes with olive oil, salt and pepper but used rosemary on the potatoes and thyme on the tomatoes. I popped the potatoes into the oven when I thought that I had about 45 minutes left on the chicken (I wanted to make sure the potatoes were cooked, and the edges crispy.
Then I prepared the salad ~ which was pretty easy. I crumbled up some feta, and tossed it with the baby spinach (and mixed greens ~ the man likes variety). The tomatoes I added last (after the potatoes finished cooking, I put them in the oven for about 10-15 mins). And while I was figuring out timing on everything, I made a little mustard vinaigrette ~ whisking together 1 tbsp mustard, 1/3 cup olive oil, the juice of 1 lemon and a finely diced shallot.
When the thermometer finally popped in the chicken, the man and I pulled it out and allowed it to rest for ten (ish) minutes ~ probably longer. It helps maintain the moisture.
And we served our potatoes with a small side of sour cream (because that’s how we like it!).
All in all, it was a pretty impressive meal (to me at least!) of roast chicken, roasted rosemary potatoes, and a roasted thyme tomato salad with a mustard vinaigrette. The funniest part of it all? The recipe for the chicken was called “Engagement Chicken” and I made mine the Friday before the man proposed. Pretty hilarious (and, upon hearing this, he told me to stop using voodoo on him!).
I redeemed myself with dessert ~ really simple, and I promise, it will be a hit.
Apple Crescents (or, Individual Apple Pie Bites)
What you need:
1 pkg Crescent Rolls
1 apple, cut into thin slices and tossed in lemon juice
1/2 cup sugar
1/2 cup brown sugar
Cinnamon
Nutmeg
Clove
What to do:
1. I made a mixture of the sugars, cinnamon, nutmeg & cloves.
2. I spread 1 tbsp of the mixture in each of the opened crescent rolls, topped with an apple slice and rolled up.
3. I cooked the rolls according to the package directions. (PS. Be prepared for clean up ~ cooked sugar is not anyone’s friend in that regard).
I guess you could top each with a little dollop of Cool Whip, or add some ice cream. We enjoyed them plain, and they were delish.
And now, I must get to bed. My eyelids are heavy, and it’s not even halfway through the week. If I don’t get back to this space before 2013, the man, Lucy Lou and I wish you the happiest of holiday seasons, & lots of love and good wishes for the new year. Oh, and of course, happy experimenting in the kitchen. 🙂
rock the vote
Well, that’s what the youth vote motto was back when I was watching a lot of MTV. Today marks my fourth (!!!) presidential election in which I am eligible to vote. Craziness.
Today I am intensely thankful to all the women before me who fought to earn my right to vote. I am very grateful to be an American, but today, I want to be a little more specific.
Women -and I know this is arguable, but in my opinion– are the largest minority in the United States, and in this day and age, so many other minorities are fighting for rights that I think we all forget that we still don’t command equal wages in the work place (among other discrepancies). I just read an article today about how wives and female characters on favorite television shows incite much more ire from the audience than their comparable male counterparts.
Lovely.
As a woman, I am faced with the inevitable conundrum ~ work or family? Do men lose sleep at night debating the same thing? I don’t think it’s nearly as much of a choice ~ we all (no matter how forward thinking we believe we are) subscribe to gender roles.
So today, I would like to thank the women who fought for my rights, who believed that women are equal to men, and who won me and the rest of the female population of the USA the right to be heard.
No matter who you vote for, or what your political opinions are, it is important to exercise the right to vote and be heard. Someone fought for it, because she felt it was important that we have that right. Don’t disregard it.
Thank you, fore-ladies of America.
roots
Gratitude Journal
November 3rd ~ I am grateful for family.
On Saturday, the man and I headed back down to Bethesda to the National Institute of Health to visit his dad after surgery. We were lucky that my parents were able to watch Lucy Lou (she’s very ‘in demand’!) and John’s aunts were at the hospital as well, having made the drive from upstate PA that morning.
Family is ~ well, it’s a mixed bag, if we’re being honest with each other. But when the going gets tough, it’s family who step up, family who are there when life feels really hard, family who holds you up when you are down. I am grateful that both the man and I have been blessed with family who care.
November 4th ~ I am grateful for football.
All Dressed up for the Game
Possibly superficial. However, football has been an integral part of my life forever. Not only that, but it has been a comfort and buoy in tough times, something to believe in and identify with ~ a passion. During some really low moments, the Steelers were there every Sunday and for the few hours they played, all my baggage and angst got put on a shelf, and my emotions were wrapped up in the game. And Penn State ~ well, Penn State football is engrained in my very being. ‘Nuff said.
November 5th ~ I am grateful for Lucy.
It’s been nearly 10 months since Miss Lucy came home with the man and I. Our lives have forever changed. This weekend, my parents very generously offered to watch her while we did hospital visits on Saturday and drove up to East Rutherford NJ for the Giants/Steelers game on Sunday (it pained them to think of her being alone for so long ~ instead, she was cuddled, coddled and just spoiled in every possible way). The man and I woke up two mornings without our little lady, and even though I didn’t think it would affect me so much, I missed her waking us up, I missed her toes clickety clacking on the kitchen floor ~ I missed her good morning kisses. The house felt lonely and empty without her.
I am so glad we made the decision to expand our family ~ but more importantly, I’m so glad she chose us, just as much as we found her. We all fit perfectly together. I feel blessed to have her (despite the fact that she drops some major stink bombs sometimes!).
And now, returning to our regularly scheduled programming ….
After our busy weekend, and even though we gained an hour, Monday felt looooong today and I wracked my brain trying to come up with something yum to have for dinner. I had a partially formed idea in my mind to re-dedicate myself to cooking this month. And not ‘fun’ cooking ~ as in, events or dinner parties. Regular, every day cooking. The ‘routine’ kind.
A few weeks ago, we made loaded baked potatoes for WeHangsDay and that felt like delicious and fairly easy plan for a Monday kind of Monday.
They were pretty delish.
I sliced some sweet Italian sausage, sautéed some mushrooms & baked broccoli while the man seasoned and cooked the taters. We added dairy (who wouldn’t?!?) with some grated cheddar (for him) parmesan (for me) and sour cream (is it a loaded potato without sour cream? I think not!). And we settled in for our first weeknight of Daylight Savings with a hot dinner, a snuggly puppy and some DVR recordings. A pretty nice Monday, if I do say so myself.
daily gratitude
I’m not always the biggest fan of social media (let me also clarify that, along with most of the population, I am somewhat addicted to it). Sometimes, though, social media offers up something truly worthwhile ~ something a little bit better than a glorified chain letter.
Today, I saw the beginnings of something I think we should all do regardless of the time of year ~ but Thanksgiving inspires it, so for that, I am thankful.
Multiple people online were listing things they are grateful for by day. The idea is to do it every day until Thanksgiving. I liked it so much, I figured I’d bring it to the blog.
November 1st ~
I am grateful for power (aka electricity). When you are deprived of something, it becomes startlingly clear how much you rely upon it. I am grateful for all the creature comforts I daily take for granted. I am thankful that despite the devastating aftermath of Superstorm Sandy, she helped me remember how lucky I am for all that I have.
November 2nd ~
I am grateful for John. We have spent the past three plus years building a life together in our snug apartment and every day I am reminded of how amazing it is to share a life with my best friend. I haven’t always been so lucky, and because of that, I think it helps me to appreciate what ‘good‘ feels like. It’s easy to take your person for granted, to take out your frustrations and daily irritations on that person because he’s there day in and day out. It’s also sad to see people together who clearly make each other miserable ~ who only see the other’s faults and spend their time picking at the other, spot-lighting their partner’s failings.
I am eternally grateful that we found each other, and that despite some misgivings from my friends due to my previous relationship, and some bumps at the beginning, we were smart enough to recognize our souls in each other. He is my sounding board, the yin to my yang, the voice of reason to my irrationality. He protects me when I am afraid, supports me when my wings feel frail, and loves me even when I am my most ugly. Today, I am most grateful for him.
de-clutter your life
As I sat in the surgical waiting room this morning, I picked up an old issue of Women’s Day Magazine (April 2012, so not super duper old). It featured a small story called “De-Clutter Your Life,” on the cover, so I paged through and found it. I love things like that. Sometimes, I feel as though I get so caught up in life that I lose sight of who I am, so I re-visit some of my favorite books (“The Four Agreements” is a great one) to reconnect with myself. Sometimes, I happen upon something that clarifies things ~ sort of puts life back in perspective. Those are such refreshing moments. The article from this morning felt like that ~ a little surprise to help me remember myself.
But let me rewind a little to come full circle.
A few days ago, as Lucy and I meandered through the woods on our morning walk, my brain was whirring a mile a minute. I was frustrated about some things, and often times, when I walk or run all my mixed-up muddled emotions come into focus ~ I figure out what I’m upset about specifically, I address it, and I figure out how to get my brain around it and move on.
That morning, I realized the following ~ when a person has low self-esteem, it’s hard to decipher real friends from faux friends. Faux friends seem real, because they reinforce all the things that ‘insecure you’ already focuses on ~ your faults, your flaws, your short-comings. It’s easy to mistake this person for a friend, because their ‘honesty’ is played off as ‘support.’ Real friends aren’t like that. And as a person’s self-esteem builds, growing pains exist in the faux friendships. All of a sudden, that ‘honesty’ about all your ‘short-comings’ feels a lot less supportive and a lot more judgemental. I’ve had my fair share of faux friends. Realizing it is like tasting a bitter pill. But the truth is this ~ I don’t want people in my life who stress me out, magnify negative parts of who I am, or bring nothing positive to the table. Friendships are tough, and being honest about them is hard ~ but it has to be done. That, or you just suck it up and endure the misery of a friendship that is no longer nourishing. That prospect is a little bleak.
So I had all those thoughts, and the more I distilled it down, and peeled away all the layers, the more I was certain that I was unhappy about some of my relationships.
Fast forward to this morning and this little blip of an article.
The seven tips were as follows:
1. Re-frame your ‘to-do’ list. Think of it as “What I get to do today!” My mother has a quote that hangs beside her bed ~ ‘Change your thoughts, and you will change your world.’ It’s amazing how changing the way you address something can change your whole perspective.
2. Figure out your goals. I loved the explanation under this one ~ it was about physically writing down goals, then figuring out the most attainable and starting there. The author also suggested imagining what people would say about you after you died. Would you want to be the person who always hated their job but never did anything to change it? I used to have a list of things I wanted (written in 2008 when I was re-building my life). I wanted to own a Mini Cooper -check!- have a dog -check!- live in a townhome (I don’t know why but I have always loved them … I didn’t want to own, because I didn’t, and still don’t, want to be tied to a single location) and have a job I liked -95% check!. Considering I have met most of those goals, it’s time to go back to the drawing board, and dream bigger. But I also want to do what I do with integrity and passion, because I would like to think that when I go, those left behind could look at my life in a positive way. It’s an interesting perspective and worth exploring.
3. Purge toxic friendships. How relevant. The author suggested recognizing which friends serve which kind of purpose in your life and keeping expectations for each friendship within those ‘niches.’ It also suggested having a conversation with friends you may feel aren’t supportive, or are too ‘needy’ ~ allowing those friends to respond to how you are feeling before writing the friendship off. All good advice. What I think is important to remember (personally) is the idea that if a person’s influence in your life is unbalanced toward the negative, how much does that affect your daily existence/perspective, etc. I find that when I am around negative people, it’s much easier to slip into negativity/judgement of others, etc versus being around positive people discussing ideas and theories instead of other people.
4. Fight fatigue. Loved this. Did you know that losing an hour of sleep a night (aka not getting in the minimum of 7 -8 hours) ages your brain seven years over a short period of time, and adversely affects memory? Didn’t think not sleeping could have such an impact, huh? The article also suggested setting a bedtime routine to help ease into sleep and have a more restful night ~ I’ve read that in a few different places, so it warrants heeding the advice!
5. Let go of grudges. Forgiveness has everything to do with you, and very little to do with the person/people you are forgiving. It takes a lot of energy to hold a grudge and be angry. It’s not good for you, period. Forgiving someone allows you to move on and forget. My favorite piece of advice? Write down what angered you and how you felt about it ~ it allows you to release it and stop carrying it around. It also allows you to clarify your emotions, and ultimately, forgive.
6. Break bad habits. So fascinating. A study was done about eating popcorn at the movies. Groups were given fresh popcorn, and then stale popcorn. Those who habitually ate popcorn at the movies ate the stale popcorn, but when presented with stale popcorn at a conference table, declined it. This study linked habitual behaviour situationally, which makes perfect sense. Also fascinating? When the popcorn eaters tried using their non-dominant hand, they were also deterred from eating the stale popcorn. It amazed me that such a small change in the routine or habit could be enough of a trigger to make people think before engaging in a habit. I definitely want to put this theory into practice. Need to curb my Starbucks addiction!
7. Add ‘me’ moments. We all need to re-charge ~ like batteries. I don’t think this idea needs any selling ~ but it does need scheduling. A suggestion by this article? Take three to five minutes throughout the work day to close you eyes and breath deeply. Sounds silly but I’m going to give it a try. I have nothing to lose!
I also love to remember the Four Agreements ~
1. Be Impeccable With Your Word. Do you have any idea how difficult this is to keep? So challenging. It also reminds me how often I say things that are negative. Words are powerful and they cannot be taken back. I still remember some particularly harsh words that were directed at me, and how much they stung. It’s never a bad idea to think before speaking. It will benefit everyone.
2. Don’t Take Things Personally. I think this is the agreement that affects me the most obviously. It’s hard not to take things personally ~ especially if you are sensitive or insecure. But the truth is, most people are so wrapped up in themselves (as you are for thinking everything is about you) that their anger/harsh words/judgement/etc are about what’s going on with them, and has nothing to do with you. Tough one to remember when your feelings are hurt but definitely worth it.
3. Don’t Make Assumptions. Oy. This is difficult as well, but goes hand in hand with not taking things personally. It’s easy to think there are hidden reasons and motivations for other’s actions/inactions, but making assumptions really only sets us up for disappointment. How can someone do something without knowing you are expecting it? People can’t usually read each other’s minds, so making assumptions can leave us all in dangerous territory. Just sayin’!
4. Always Do Your Best. This rule is great ~ it pretty much says ~ ‘yes, the first three agreements are hard, and you aren’t always going to be able to maintain them, but just do your best, and then you haven’t left anything on the table and you can feel as though you are constantly and actively trying to be the very best version of you that you can be.’ I love this rule because it immediately implies that no one is perfect, and we will all struggle. That’s a huge weight off the ole shoulders.
oh sandy
The shelves at the grocery store last night ~ I stopped in for a couple things, and didn’t realize how serious the storm was. Yowza.
Today, the man and I are both working from home, which has been nice ~if you can use ‘nice’ during a category 1 hurricane. Lucy was very excited at first, but halfway through the morning, she realized that we were both more interested in our computers, and she retreated to her bed to sulk.
I cannot imagine how my mother must have felt when I pulled stuff like that. As a doggy mummy, I felt wretched. Finally I set up on the couch, so she could snuggle up beside me.
We just heard that one of the tall ships ~ the Bounty, off the coast of North Carolina ~ has gone down. The crew was evacuated due to Sandy, and 14 are safe, while 2 are missing. The more we addictively we watch the weather channel, the more worrying it becomes. I’m dreading when the power finally goes out ~ it’s been predicted to be out for long periods of time. Which makes me very anxious.
Luckily, so far all the immediate family members are okay, which makes me feel better.
On a lighter note, we had a great tailgate at PSU this weekend, despite the very disappointing loss to Ohio State. My little bro has a Halloween addiction, so he had pumpkins and was dressed in an amazing costume ~ we also had candy and Halloween cupcake cookies (seriously ~ ah.may.zing) plus incredible pulled pork, butcher sausages and multiple other munchies.
We had additional seats for this game, so the man and I got to watch from the west side of the stadium (a rarity for me ~ we’ve been in EF/ EFU my whole life!).
My daddy, me and Richie Tenenbaum, er, my little brother.
The man and I at half time. It was a White Out, and we were a little tired (we certainly look it!). We managed to rally for the second half (it didn’t help PSU) and we were there to sing the Alma Mater post-game. Bill O’Brien is a cool, classy coach.
My brother’s pumpkins … sadly, we had to leave them behind. But they were pretty cool. And he carved them all free-hand, which was uber impressive. He’s a talented guy, my little bro.
D5 Creation