Recently, I’ve been faced with quite a conundrum.

I’m not sure if the conundrum is fatigue-related.  (In regards to my use of fatigue, I mean exhaustion, not the uniform of soldiers).

I don’t know if the conundrum is as dire as I sometimes believe it is.

I have lost track, at this point, of which side I’m pulling for.  There no longer seems to be two opposing forces; instead it’s multi-faceted.

‘Aye, there’s the rub!’  (*Name that Shakespeare play!  Bonus points … which character says it?)

I’ve completely lost perspective.

Okay, so here’s what happened.  Generally.

Because of the … ummm …. let’s say ‘growing pains’ that my work situation has been experiencing of late, someone very generously offered the company an amenity that was needed, out of the goodness of his heart (as much as that exists in the business world).

To express its gratitude, the company offered a non-monetary … barter? shall we say? … in return.

The barter was directly related to me.

And I was approached in a very  … might I say unusual? … and somewhat confusing way.

(Can everyone accurately feel the eggshells on which I am very tentatively tip toeing across?)

After the unusual approach, I was feeling a bit taken aback, and even more vulnerable than I had been feeling since the whole barter-exchange thing-o took place. There are so many contributing factors to this that it’s not even worth getting into the particulars, but here’s something that is important.

Occasionally, I over think things.

Now, in retrospect, I don’t agree that I completely over thought this ~ I do think that voicing my concerns and establishing some boundaries was important.  But boy oh boy, did I fixate and let it manifest.

And it made me contemplate the whole process, and how small injustices can become completely distorted and exaggerated out of proportion.  It made me think about human nature; a person’s innate instinct to protect oneself.  One of the (many) things I’ve learned as I’ve wracked up the notches on the calendar, is that trying to understand all sides to a story before completely freaking out is a pretty good skill.  Very useful, and it almost always helps you avoid getting egg on your face, or burning with embarrassment at the memory of the event in question.  It’s a skill that requires discipline.  I’m still learning.  I think it takes lots of practice (at least that’s what I’m telling myself!).

It’s also interesting to consider how seemingly small word choices in somewhat explosive situations can so completely expose one’s vulnerability.  I realized with somewhat of a shock, that my immediate reaction to the situation in question revealed something about myself.

So the thing is, when you are always on guard, and always expecting the worst, or a deception, it makes you less likely to accept things at face value.  That’s not a good thing.  It’s sort of sad, really, and when I had my epiphany regarding my own behavior, it made me a little sad for myself.  And after that, I felt even worse for people who do things that are both generous and thoughtful for me (especially the man) that I inherently question.

Does that mean I have trust issues?  Who knows.

What it does mean is that a seed of doubt was planted in my mind, and because of many factors, including my tendency to over think things and my constant worry that someone is trying to dupe me (I know, paranoid much? ~ but there are reasons … another time, another rumination), a seed of doubt for me grows rapidly.

And I guess what I wanted to say in this post, in a very roundabout way, is that this particular seed of doubt was a very good exercise for me in inter-personal relations and effective business communication.  I definitely floundered, and took some things a bit too personally.  But I felt like I also took a huge step forward in dealing with something that had originally completely knocked me off my feet.

And I’m not burning with embarrassment, or covered in egg.

I may (or may not!) have slightly pink-tinged ears.  But that’s better than a beet red face!  I’ll take it for today as progress-made.

Dear Readers,

I would like to amend my post from last evening for the sake of my very dear friend.  She has a huge pet peeve about this, and technically, she’s right, so please let me amend as such:

John covered the cookie tray with ALUMINUM FOIL.  🙂

Tin and aluminum have totally different properties (side-note: what was not my strongest subject in high-school? answer … chemistry).  Most importantly, density and specific heat, which allows a person to touch aluminum when it comes out of the *very hot* oven; tin would not exhibit the same properties (and one would most likely burn oneself upon touching it).

So, for Minda on her 4th wedding anniversary.

1.  I love ya.  And your hubby.  Happy Quatro Anos.  Big <3hearts <3 always.

2. I will continue to make a concerted effort to call it aluminum foil, because that’s what it is.  (I will, on occasion, fail.  Please be patient!).

3.  But even if I forget, I will amend it, and tell you I love ya.

Good friends are amazing to find.  Through thick and thin, good and bad, all that blah blah jazz … Minda has been a great friend.  So, despite receiving a text message about my grievous error concerning aluminum and tin at the lowest point of my day, when I was feeling as though possibly, I couldn’t get anything right – she was a total gem and explained (again, I confess) the error of my ways.

Happy Anniversary Minda.

With love always,

gwyn

Whew!  It has been a crazy few days.

Actually, if I’m gonna own up to it, it’s been a crazy few weeks.  The truth of the matter is, I started this blog because I had an abundance of time that was referred to politely as ‘idle,’ but in reality was me being completely unproductive.  Currently, I have no free time, and spend from about 6am until 11pm going going going non-stop.  (On the plus side, I have the good camera back … not that I’ve put it to much use these past few days).

Have you ever heard the theory that the busier you are, the more efficiently you accomplish things?  I strongly believe in this.  When I’m forced into using time management skills, and prioritizing, a lot of things get done in a very orderly fashion.  When I have tons of time on my hands … a lot of movies get watched.  (I know, I know, I don’t even read books … I’m the most unproductive lazy person in the world!)

Right now, I’m sitting in my newest office, watching what appears to be the beginning of a hurricane brewing outside my window (I have a window!!) and thinking how very sad it is that my iPhone has been tricky since Thursday when it spontaneously decided to start monotonously vibrating and not respond to anything (a teenager fixed it, because really, isn’t that the way of electronics? There was a time when I was pretty handy with a Walkman … and now most people look a little lost and repeat back, “Walkman?” Pause. “Oh, yeah, that portable cassette tape player-thingy … wow, it’s been a long time since those were popular!”).  Because now it won’t even receive calls, and that means I have to walk over to the Apple store and wait the obligatory 45 minutes (because apparently Apple is busy every. day. all. day.) for them to tell me what’s wrong.  (I’m already composing my little prayer, which goes something like this:  “Dear iPhone and Apple Gods, please let whatever is wrong with my phone be easily fixable,  please do not require me to erase everything on my phone and try to reset it online because the last time I did that I crashed my phone and lost all my contacts and it was a disaster (pausing to catch breath) and please let my phone continue on its course toward a long and healthy life, because I deeply love everything about it … except this most recent episode.  Amen.”).

Anyway, back to the point.

I have become very efficient these last few weeks, because my work load went from manageable albeit somewhat tedious, to “I’m drowning in paperwork and the abundance of things I don’t know how to do and don’t have any help to get accomplished.” I will say I’m learning quite a lot, but I’m also working non-stop to try to get the business I now run back up on its (financial) feet, and it’s proving to be less like a hike up Mt. Kilimanjaro and more like extreme rock climbing in the Pyrenees.  Every day there is a new job duty, and every time I turn around I’m being volunteered to do more work.  I don’t mind much, because running a business certainly gives you a feeling of ownership and commitment that I didn’t have before ~ but boy oh boy is it a. time-consuming and b. hard effin work.

Tomorrow the man and I host WeHangsDay together for the first time in a month, and I have absolutely. no. idea. what. to. make. (No worries on vino though ~ the wine rack is fully stocked!).

But I can promise you this.  I won’t repeat something I’ve done recently.  I will get that camera out and snap some pictures, and I’ll let you know exactly how I conquered another kitchen challenge.

Until then, me, my (non-working) iPhone and my piles of work are going to retreat under the rock we’ve been hiding beneath recently, and buckle down to get some work done.  Yee-haw cowboys!  Giddy-up!

Folks.  It’s been a long couple weeks since the man has been gone.  Luckily, fate did not deign to intervene again, and he will be touching down in the City of Brotherly Love imminently.

Since I rushed home from work to walk straight over to an open house at my neighbors (where I promptly devoured two of the best burritos I have ever had), and I am just now frantically getting the house all dolled up for the man’s arrival home, I thought I’d share a couple fun G & J facts.

1.  To us, football can almost seem like a religion.  We schedule Sundays in the fall around the Steelers & the Giants game times.  We tailgate for Penn State like it’s a mission.

2.  We are both crazy obsessed with Christmas.  Every year, we commit to expanding our Christmas movie & decoration collection.  Currently, we have three Nativities.

3.  Otherwise, we are about as opposite as you can get.

4.  Once a year, we have a Lord of the Rings weekend marathon, and we watch all three extended movies.

5.  When we met, we were both (me more-so, I believe) convinced we’d met somewhere before.

6.  I can remember the date of every important event in our relationship.  I like dates.

7.  I’m older than John by a year, six months and fourteen days.  (I like numbers).

8.  John taught me how to play chess, and it’s my goal in life to beat him.  Check this space in about five years.

9.  We’ve never gone on a single vacation just the two of us.  The closest we got to going on a vacation together was a trip to Williamsburg, VA for my 30th birthday with my family.  My brother & John bonded that trip.  It will forever live in infamy.

10.  John needs much less sleep than me.  Therefore, it’s better if I’m the one whose time zone is behind.  Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case this trip. 🙁

Until tomorrow, happy Thirsty Thursday!

I guess the theme of this week in my life is friendship.

On Monday, I had dinner with a friend whom I hadn’t seen in 15 years.  It was fabulous.  We talked about school back in the day, we talked about college, we talked about life now.  We laughed.  A lot.  And you can’t ask for much more than that.  It was fabulous.

On Tuesday, an old neighbor stopped by, and over simply orgasmic banana chocolate chip muffins (hers are by far the best thing I’ve ever had) and glasses of milk, we caught up on life, talked about careers ~ remembered some fun times.  It was such a comforting thing, to sit in practically-pjs and just shoot the breeze.  I ate my salmon and corn & tomato salad (courtesy of my mama bear & aunt) and felt a-okay about life.

Yesterday I had a little dinner party, enjoying good conversation with my neighbors and Jeff (he who inhabited our apartment before we took residence).  Jeff and I sat under the trees late into the evening, sipping our wine and talking about life and cooking and food.  (It was Green Curry Redux, and I promise to put up my amendments, because it was, in my opinion, significantly improved).

Today subbed for WeHangsDay (J & J have a very active social calendar!) and we ate meals straight from my favorite food blog, Iowa Girl Eats.  I mean seriously, tell me one person who reads a recipe for Cheesecake Stuffed Strawberries and doesn’t want to make them immediately?  Or a plum, pesto & fontina panini?  Sometimes, I think my blog should be called “What Iowa Girl Eats made yesterday that I totally had to have and it overruled any creativity on my part.”  But that’s on days when I’m a little sad, and a lot exhausted, and feel a little overwhelmed.  Days like today.

The nice thing about all these friends – and all this breaking of bread- is that I really hate it when the man is gone, and it’s been nice to have people to spend time with at the end of the day.  Because after a rough day, having someone to talk to is the best medicine.

All this makes me really appreciate my bestest friend, my wonderful man, and how no one quite understands me the way he does.  Here’s to hoping he’s home soon.