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new year’s resolutions and the best mac & cheese ever
Last night, as the man and I sat in the Indianapolis airport and the daylight waned and the snow swirled, I realized that I was not one, but two days into the New Year, and it didn’t really feel any different.
I know that nothing really changes when the calendar flips from one year to the next. But for most of my life, the new year felt like a clean slate; a chance to start over and really get it right.
Recently, I’ve just felt tired ~ a little overwhelmed and worn out; as though exhaustion has set up residence in my very being. Sitting and waiting and trying to get home yesterday was a moment of calm in the otherwise hectic existence my life has somehow become. Maybe it’s just me, but snow storms allow you to just be; in one place, at one time. Yes, I was mildly worried about getting home, but mostly I was enjoying the peace that the snow provided ~ the quiet that it seemed to imply.
For one small moment, I wasn’t rushing to get anywhere, and there was nothing I could do to change my situation. It was such a relief.
We spent four days in Indy with one of my close friends, her hubby, and their absolutely precious little man of eighteen months. It was great to see them, and it also allowed the man to get to know them a little better ~ they’ve been in Indy a little longer than I’ve been with the man, so he’s only met them briefly a few times. We made, and ate, far too much food. I mean, far too much food. It’s completely possible that I gained ten pounds. Seriously.
We had jalepeno poppers, cheesecake stuffed strawberries, fondu, stuffed mushrooms, jumbo shrimp cocktail, baked brie, filet mignon, brussel sprout hash, and homemade baked mac & cheese. And that list doesn’t include breakfast! Luckily, my clothing still fit for the ride back!
I have also been working my way through “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.” I’m still getting used to reading on the nook ~ one weird, quirky frustration of mine is that I can’t page back and refresh my memory about something I read earlier without it being somewhat of a pain in the behind. I know there are controls to do it, but it’s a little harder doing it electronically than physically ~ usually I can remember where on a page something was, or if it was the left or right side ~ that doesn’t really exist on a nook. However, I will say that I love having different reading options at the touch a finger, so I will get over my obsession with flipping through a book and reading out of sequence. It’s really only a problem because I have been reading “Dragon Tattoo” in bits and pieces over such a long period of time … I’m sure with something that I read consistently, I won’t feel the urge to flip back and refresh my memory as often.
We made it home safely, albeit after several re-bookings of flights, and we even got in over an hour earlier than we’d originally been scheduled. In addition to all that, we flew on quite a little plane from DC to Philadelphia, which was a pretty neat experience. This girl broke down and borrowed some dramamine from the man though ~ the flights were a little bumpy the whole trip, and I was nervous that such a small plane would be too much for my tummy. Turns out ~ it was the smoothest take-off and landing of the whole trip! Just goes to show me ~ don’t judge a book by its cover!
I don’t have a lot of resolutions for 2012, but I have a few goals, including saving a certain amount of money over the next twelve months, getting myself into a routine that allows me to de-stress, stay focused and cut out some of this intense fatigue, and run the Broad Street in May (10 miles through Philadelphia).
My resolution? Get up earlier to get ready for work. Hopefully that will eliminate the stress that begins every morning as we rush to the city to get the man to work on time.
And … for those cold winter nights when all you want is some good, comfort food, here’s my Mama Bear’s Baked Macaroni & Cheese. You can tell me you’ve had great mac & cheese, but there’s nothing better than this recipe!
What you Need:
1 package thick cut bacon
approx 1 lb sharp cheddar, coarsely grated
grated Swiss cheese, to taste
Cooper Sharp cheese, to taste (it’s a deli cheese and as I add it during the recipe, I just rip pieces apart, so there’s no grating necessary for this one!)
Milk
1 – 2 medium, yellow onions
Flour
Mustard** (optional)
White Wine (technically optional, but I’d advise against skipping it)
Tomatoes**(optional)
Bread Crumbs
Grated Parmesan Cheese
Hickory Smoked Salt** (optional)
Large saucepan
Large casserole dish
Prep Work:
1. Grate your cheese, and mix together.
2. Coarsely chop your onions ~ as my Mama says, you want the pieces ‘not to big, and not too small.’
3. I make my own bread crumbs by putting 1 and 1.2 slices of bread in my Mini-Quisinart and chopping it up. Then I mix in about 1/4 cup to 1/3 cup grated Parmesan, about a teaspoon of Hickory Smoked Salt and that’s the topping.
4. If you’re using tomatoes, slice them on the medium-thickness side.
Now, you’re ready to start!
What to do:
Preheat oven to 350. Cook macaroni according to box directions, and drain well.
***Some little side-notes ***Pour yourself a nice beverage, because this is a long process, and you have to have a little patience and intuition along the way. Don’t wear a sweatshirt while making this, because you stand over a hot stove for quite awhile, and it can get uncomfortably warm if you’re overdressed!
1. Cut the bacon into bite-sized pieces (I’d say about an inch across, give or take). Using a large saucepan, cook the bacon over medium heat until it’s crispy on the edges, and chewy in the middle (or, however you like bacon!). When it’s cooked to your liking, scoop out the bacon and put on a few layers of paper towel to drain.
2. Leave at least three tablespoons of bacon fat in the pan ~ if you have an abundance, drain some of it. (It’s hit or miss for me ~ but I would say I more often than not don’t drain any bacon fat, but my Mama Bear does, so it’s really up to personal choice and intuition).
3. Add onions to bacon fat, and cook until they clarify. Lower the heat.
4. Sprinkle in flour by the tablespoon, making a roux. The roux should be fairly stiff. I would say ~ depending on how much bacon fat you leave in the pan, you can estimate using between 3 and 5 tablespoons of flour. But add one at at time, and mix thoroughly before adding in more. The texture, when it’s ‘done,’ will remind you a little of that white paste that used to be used in grade school … is that stuff still around?
*** Mum’s Greatest Piece of Cooking Advice: You can always add, but you can never take away ***
5. Once the roux is good and stiff, begin adding milk bit by bit, to create a sauce. I probably went through about a pint of milk, but I just had the container sitting stove side, and added a little at a time. The consistency you’re going for is on the thin side, but with some substance. It should definitely be liquidy, rather than creamy, if that makes sense.
6. Once you achieve the desired consistency, take a big dollop of mustard, and mix it right in. You can, in fact, add two, if mustard is something you love. OR, you can skip adding mustard at all, because you loathe it, or have a deep aversion.
7. Now! It’s cheese time! Stir in cheese by the handful, making sure it’s melting fully. Use about three or four slices of Cooper Sharp, added bit by bit. Once you have created a superbly cheesy sauce, add a little white wine (to taste) to thin out the cheese a bit. *** Once you add the pasta, it will thicken the sauce, so you want a really cheesy, but not.too.thick sauce, or it will be hard to mix in the pasta completely. I would say that I douse my sauce with a few heavy pours of whatever white wine I have in the fridge.
8. When you’re satisfied with your cheesy, oniony mix, stir in the bacon pieces.
9. Then, add in the pasta. Mix fully.
10. Transfer the whole shebang into the casserole dish. Lay slices of tomato across the top, and finish by covering the entire top with your breadcrumb/Parmesan mixture.
11. Bake in the oven for approximately 20 -25 minutes, or until it’s bubbling.
*** Some advice *** Bake it on top of a cookie tray lined with aluminium foil, so that if it bubbles over, you have an easy clean up.
Try and tell me it’s not the best Mac & Cheese you’ve ever made. 🙂
a nook, a book and keyboard
For my birthday (which occurred earlier this month) the man got me a Barnes & Noble Nook.
I know, I know. I wax lyrical about books sometimes (you should hear me in real life … or just see the bookshelves that exist in our home that are packed full, plus the tupperware containers in storage filled with other books that didn’t fit on the shelves …. Two conclusions following that statement ~ a) I sound a little like a hoarder, which makes me want to go clear off my bookshelves immediately, and b) I love love love to read).
And yes, fundamentally, I was initally hesitant about the whole e-reader trend. Books are more than just the words, they are the pages, the font, the feel, the weight … You get my point.
And then I got one. And my world changed.
Let me rewind a bit.
When I was younger, I was a bookworm. The library was one of my favorite places to be, paging through books, making stacks of things I wanted to check out. I read everything ~ I mean everything. Sometimes I wish I’d written things down, because so many of the stories still fill my mind and imagination, and I wish I could go back and re-read them.
Yes, I’m also a re-reader. I have read Rosamunde Pilcher’s “Coming Home” more times than I can count and I also own far too many copies. For some reason, I compulsively buy it at airports and read it while waiting for a plane. (I can add this to my list of Really Quirky Things I Do). I have also read (and listened to) most of the Harry Potter books more times than I’d like to admit.
But every once in awhile, a person hits a stagnant phase. And the last few years of my life have been … well, they’ve been a myriad of things, at both ends of the spectrum of happiness and sadness and everything in between. And sometimes, and this is just me hypothesizing on a dark winter day, when a person is struggling to put their life in order, some of life’s pleasurable pastimes end up on the sidelines, collecting dust. Writing and reading were two of those things for me.
I was lucky enough to meet a man who saw through all the angst and confusion and rawness of me ‘figuring things out’ ~ and he both gave me the idea for this blog, which has helped me write again after far too long, and he gave me a Nook, which has re-ignited my excitement about reading. I have a list of books to read that will last me quite some time … and I’m okay with adding to it.
Right now, after really struggling to stick with it, “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” is finally showing me why it became an international best-seller. I put it down this year to read (amongst other things) Daniel Silva’s newest release, “Portrait of a Spy,” all three Hunger Games books, the beginnings of Diana Gabaldon’s #5 Outlander book, “The Fiery Cross” and Haruki Murakami’s “1Q84” (which I cannot wait to read, but I kept feeling distracted by the unfinished copy of “Dragon Tattoo” that has been sitting next to my bed for months).
Also on my list, George R.R. Martin’s Fire & Ice series. I have a sample of “Game of Thrones” on my Nook, as well as an audio version (because I’d sorta like to listen to it driving to work with the man).
The thing about the Nook is this … you can carry multiple books with you, and read any time you want. (This is also a little dangerous). I have a Nook app on my iPhone and have found myself sneaking a few pages in every now and then throughout the day. It’s such a sweet indulgence.
And when I get on the plane to Indiana on Friday, I will have every single book that I’m in the middle of reading with me … and I’ll still be able to carry all my luggage on board with me. It’s completely crazy (my child-like enthusiasm might also clue you into how old-fashioned I am … it’s not like Nooks and Kindles are new technology).
I imagine that my Nook will be my best friend during Lent … the man and I are contemplating giving up TV. But … Lent is still aways away, so I’ll check back closer to the time in question! For now, I’m heading back to Sweden, Mikael Blomkvist & his investigation into the Vanger family. To everyone who is in the middle of a book (or contemplating starting one!), happy reading!
the kindness of strangers
Yesterday, by the end of the day, I was a touch tetchy.
First of all, I loathe dress shopping. This is for many reasons (including that I don’t especially love shopping at all) but the bottom line is, I dread it deeply.
Second, the man is sick. And he’s never sick, so although he soldiers on, it’s a little inconvenient for him to be sick when we have not one, but two holiday shindigs this weekend.
Third, I’d had an absolutely terrible dinner. I mean, catastrophically bad. But … that’s a story for another day.
Needless to say, I was grumpy as I made my way through the racks of clothing at Kohls on my endless (and still unfulfilled) mission to find a dress for the man’s office festivities tomorrow night. I was trying (not very hard) to NOT look like I wanted to kill everyone in my path. Out of seemingly nowhere, a Kohls worker appeared, laden with mismatched clothing. She smiled and made a nonchalant comment. I half heard her, and half-heartedly smiled/nodded. She seemed to be in far too good a mood for the stormy tempest that my world had shaped into (admittedly at my own doing).
And then I noticed that she had the.most.fabulous.earrings.
And since I felt that I was in desperate need of some good karma my way, I flung it out into the atmosphere, with the idea that it might loop back to me eventually, like a boomerang.
“I completely love your earrings. They are fabulous.”
She turned to me, and her whole face was lit up by her smile. It was sort of amazing, how much happiness she radiated, in contrast to my dark cloud of grumpiness.
“Thanks!” There was just no way that her good mood wouldn’t have been contagious. I genuinely returned her smile. The earrings, long and dangly and looping through themselves, were the epitome of th kind of earrings that I love. I repeated my compliment, staring almost lovingly at the wood and silver jewelry. She laughed at my expression, saying as she worked, “I have a bunch of pairs like this ~ I love them, too. Just so much fun, y’know?”
I nodded. “They are truly gorgeous.” Somehow, my spirits, so heavy just moments ago, felt lighter. Here was a person, putting chaos back in order at a department store during the holidays, who seemed so utterly sincere in her positivity.
She put down her pile of clothing, and reached up to her ears. I thought she was going to let me look at them, and I hesitated. I was distracting her from work and I should graciously excuse myself.
“Here,” she said, pulling not one, but both earrings from her ears. “You can have them.”
I was caught completely off guard. And no amount of saying no could persuade her to keep her earrings. She put them firmly into my hand. “Now,” she said, that smile wide and bright, “every time you wear these earrings, you think of me, okay?”
“I … Of course! I won’t just think of you! I’m going to tell people all about you! That’s the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me …” I trailed off, because I could literally feel my eyes getting misty. (I’m a sap, okay?). I beamed at her, and she chuckled to herself.
“You’re welcome! Enjoy them, okay?” And I nodded, because I couldn’t think of a single adequate thing to say.
And this morning, when I picked out my outfit to go with my new earrings, I smiled and thought that the world works in mysterious ways.
disappearing acts
I have been woefully negligent in the upkeep of this space since before Thanksgiving, and there are no true explanations.
Well ….
I got a little sick over Thanksgiving break. It made me fully appreciate what it means to be hydrated. (My newest love = Zico Coconut Water … yum yum delish).
And work has been a little bit of a time-suck. That’s about all I have to say about that!
I promised myself that when December 1st rolled around, I would start on a fresh page and blog all my Christmas favorites.
But …. I dropped the ball again. December, I have found, is a little hectic when one has a few balls in the air. Additionally, and this most profoundly affects the man, December happens to be the birth month of most of the significant females in our joint family. His mama, me, my mama and my mama’s twin. (I can almost hear the collective & sympathetic ‘oy vey!‘).
The truth is, what with work, and feeling slightly under the weather (and therefore infinitely less on the ball) plus having a To-Do list a mile long that includes Christmas cards (I’m boycotting the politically correct “Holiday” substitution), birthday pressies, Christmas pressies, holiday decorations, travel plans for NYE and … the man and my first Annual Christmas Party … things have just sort of spun out of control.
So, here I am, halfway through my second favorite month (weirdly, October out-ranks December for me by a nose!), finally taking a minute to update my sad, cobweb-laden blog with a few fun, holiday things.
But to start, a new recipe that the man and I have enjoyed a few times recently … most importantly on my birthday (which was Monday).
Everyday Colorful Gnocchi
What You Need:
1 bundle fresh asparagus
1 small zucchini
1 small yellow squash
1 pkg button mushrooms, sliced
1 bag large pre-cooked shrimp
2 pkg Gnocchi (I buy mine from Trader Joe’s and I use one regular, and one whole-wheat)
1/3 cup grated Parmesan (+ a little extra)
3 Tbsp Butter (separated into individual tbsp portions)
1 Tbsp Olive Oil (+ some extra)
Garlic powder
Onion powder
Salt & Pepper to taste
What to Do:
1. Preheat oven to 375. Defrost shrimp and drain. Put water on stove to boil for gnocchi.
2. Cover a cooking tray (you can use a cookie sheet or anything flat) with aluminum foil, and spray with non-stick spray.
3. Chop asparagus into bite-size pieces, disgarding the bottom of the stalks (which are inevitably stringy and have zero flavor). ***I usually use just the tips.
4. Cube zucchini and yellow squash.
5. Place asparagus and squash on cooking tray, season with salt and pepper and drizzle with some olive oil. Set aside until mushrooms have softened (below step). Place in oven on top rack for approximately five minutes (or until you hear sizzling).
6. In a medium sauce pan, place sliced mushrooms and season with salt, pepper, garlic and onion powder. Drizzle some olive oil. Cook until mushrooms are softened over medium heat. Fold in shrimp to season and warm up.
7. Cook gnocchi according to package instructions. Drain.
8. In large bowl, combine gnocchi, veggies, mushrooms and shrimp with 1/3 cup Parmesan, 3 tbsp butter (which should be separated) and 1 tbsp olive oil. Add additional Parmesan and butter until the sauce reaches your desired cheesiness. Season with salt & pepper if you’d like. Mix carefully … the gnocchi is delicate!
Other Optional Ingredients:
Cherry tomatoes, halved
Roasted Red Peppers (a favorite of mine, but the man doesn’t really love roasted red peppers)
Fresh English Peas (I loathe peas, but I know lots of people who don’t)
**My main guide is to add color to the dish. A lot of nutrition guides offer the advice that you should be eating the whole rainbow color spectrum. While the butter and parm sauce sort of negate the healthiness of this meal, I still like thinking I’m getting my veggies. And as I’ve mentioned before, mushrooms make everything better for me! Also, the man and I use shrimp, because he’s not a fan of cubed chicken -he thinks it’s almost always dry- and I can’t say I totally disagree. BUT, if you want to make it healthier, you could make this dish with chicken, and a tomato sauce made by reducing fresh tomatoes in a saucepan, adding olive oil, salt, pepper, oregano and/or basil.
We enjoyed the birthday dinner in our living room, with the tree lit, “Holiday Inn” on the boob tube, and some truly fantastic wine in our ‘good’ goblets. Any eastern Pennsylvanians, take note of Va La Vineyards. The man and I have been a few times, but this bottle came courtesy of my Mother’s Day tasting excursion with Zia Leni, and was a present for the man. He very generously agreed that it was an excellent choice ~ Cinderbox 2008 (a now defunct vintage). Delish. Finishing it was bittersweet … but will now necessitate another trip to Va La to find something new to enjoy.
Coming Soon …
Top Ten Classic Christmas Movies (according to the man and I)
Jennie J’s Christmas Cookies (I hope … still haven’t found recipes yet)
John & Gwyn’s First Annual Holiday Party
Holiday Traditions
And … SimplyGwyn in Indiana!
Happy December Everyone! ‘Til next time … xoxo.
Thou didst mold me, Dear Old State
Just so you know, I made Applesauce Jumble cookies and another round of Beef & Broccoli with Angie on Saturday. But … Saturday was before. And even though the recipe card is propped up in front of my computer, every time I sit down, I feel compelled to talk about something else ~ something more important than Applesauce Jumbles(*they are rather delicious though*). I promise to share soon. On Monday, the man and I experimented with jerky recipes, and started a few batches of antelope jerky that are currently marinating in our fridge. I also put together one of the best pasta dishes I’ve had in awhile (courtesy of Trader Joe’s Butternut Squash Triangolini and roasted Butternut Squash). So please don’t think my preoccupation with Penn State is because I haven’t been cooking.
It’s more because my whole life, I loved something ~ and in the past few days, that love and blind belief are being questioned in ways that I find both heartbreaking, and utterly uncomfortable.
On Tuesday, as ridiculous as it sounds, I spent the afternoon (following the NY Times report of JoePa’s imminent retirement) on the verge of tears. I obsessively scoured the web, Facebook and Twitter for as much information as possible. I spent far too much time on the phone with a fellow Penn Stater lamenting how a school we bled blue & white for could betray us so utterly. And when the day finally ended, and I emerged into the unseasonably warm November air, and everyone bustled by me on their way home from work, and the traffic buzzed, and the lights twinkled, I gave into tears. The man was waiting for me, and he pulled me against him with one arm, kissing my forehead.
“I’m sorry, Angel,” He said into my hair. I sniffled in response, and looked up at him with teary, glassy eyes. We began our walk to the car, and while he talked about work, I found my mind circling back to Joe Pa, to Penn State ~ to what it all meant to me, and why I was finding it all so difficult to cope.
The man didn’t go to Penn State, and while I am sure he has deep love and loyalty to his school, I know that trying to explain to anyone other than a Penn Stater the depth of my devastation was next to impossible. So when he said to me, “Babe, this doesn’t change Penn State. It doesn’t change what it means to you, or what it’s been to you,” my first thought was that he really.didn’t.get.it. I didn’t respond.
We drove home, intermittently talking about the scandal, what we were going to make for WeHangsDay dinner, his work, my work, and tailgating for the Nebraska game on Saturday. Despite being tired (you know the kind of tired I mean … the, I feel like I’m totally emotionally drained and cannot think of anything other than sleep right now kind of tired) we shlepped over to the gym, where I suffered through an abs circuit and three miles at a 10-min-mile pace. I’m pretty sure I checked the counter every 15 seconds, hoping that I would miraculously cover three miles in about ten minutes. So not the case.
The running helped, though. The tension that had taken up intense residence between my shoulder blades, up through my neck and across my skull had eased. My brain had finally, after fighting tooth and nail to remain in denial, wrapped itself around the sad, true facts of the case. And I realized, as I emerged freshly scrubbed and cleaned and clad in uber comfy PSU sweats, that maybe the man understood it better than I gave him credit for.
We. Are Penn State. All of us ~ students, alumni, family members, the community of State College. We are all Penn State. And while horrible things occurred outside of the public’s knowledge, and those things are heinous and completely unforgivable, the institution of Penn State is what I believe in, and that institution -although it’s hard to see it most of the time- is more than Joe Paterno.
Yesterday, I sat on the floor of my living room, and silently listened as the Board of Trustees announced that effective immediately, Graham Spanier would no longer be President of the University, and Joe Paterno would no longer serve as Head Football Coach. Never, not once in my life, have I ever fathomed that the end would be like this. I knew it wouldn’t end well (as we all know, things usually don’t)~ but this is so far beyond anything anyone could imagine. The Board of Trustees did the only thing they could to help restore faith in what the University has always claimed to be. We may not like it, but we have to accept it.
My life has been defined by Penn State. My parents met there. As we moved intermittently throughout my youth, Penn State and football games remained a constant. Every fall, in sun, rain, sleet, wind or snow, we drove to Penn State to cheer on our team. The uniforms remained unified~ without names across the back; the helmets simple ~ no stickers documenting achievement. All players equal, all players united, all players proudly wearing blue and white. Our coach remained constant and stoic ~ perpetuating an athletic legacy while financing the advancement of education at a University I will always believe he believed in. When I applied to college for fall ’98 matriculation, I knew exactly where I wanted to go. And I did; Penn State was home to me for six years ~ longer than I had lived anywhere prior to that. While I was there, I learned that Penn State is so much more than just football. I hope, in the following months, others begin to see that, too.
As I contemplate this, and addictively check all news outlets for any shred of new information, my heart remains heavy, but I know that Penn State will recover. Penn State held us to higher standards; Joe Paterno held us to higher standards. It’s only fair that he be held to the same higher standards he set for all of us. I’d like to believe that he knows this, and wouldn’t have it any other way.
the reality of the situation
Last night, I watched three quarters (give or take) of a hugely important Steeler’s divisional game. We lost, and that was disappointing. But even more disappointing is the constant reminder of the fallibility of the human race. That might sound odd. So let me rewind a bit.
The Steelers are in the North Division of the AFC (in case this sounds like a foreign language, the NFL consists of the AFC and the NFC, each of which contain sixteen teams, broken down into four divisions of four teams; the most recent reorganization of all the teams occurred in 2002 when the Houston Texans joined the NFL). The AFC North has had a myriad of teams and multiple names, but the Steelers and Browns have been part of the division (minus the three years that the Browns were ‘deactivated’ following then-owner Art Modell’s decision to move the franchise to Baltimore in 1996 and forming the Baltimore Ravens) since the beginning. Since the most recent realignment in 2002, the AFC North consists of the Pittsburgh Steelers, the Baltimore Ravens, the Cleveland Browns (back in 1999 as an expansion team) and the Cincinnati Bengals.
From the perspective of a Steelers fan (as I am sure it varies depending on which team one supports), prior to the Brown’s move to Baltimore in 1996, the Steelers’ biggest rival was Cleveland. Following the controversial move of the franchise, Baltimore has become Steeler’s fans’ most hated opponent. Watching the season opener this year, and the Raven’s blatant steam-rolling of my team, made last night’s game even more intense. Especially following such a tough game last week (and one in which the Steelers emerged triumphant following years of Tom Brady coming into their house and shutting them down).
I’m sure I’ve said this before, but I have a pretty deep passion for my team ~ possibly bordering on irrational at times. I love the Steeler’s organization, and the way in which the Rooney’s choose to run their NFL team. I believe that being a Steeler says something about a player’s humanity, and when a player’s conduct, or personal mores and/or values are not in line with that of the organization, most of the time that player is traded or released. (Most recent case in point: Santonio Holmes’ trade in the offseason to the NY Jets following being named the MVP of Superbowl XLIII in the Steeler’s win over the Arizona Cardinals. His crimes? Apparently misconduct involving marijuana possession and charges of assault). Also occurring in the offseason of 2009? Ben Roethlisberger’s major infraction involving an allegedly underaged girl in a bar and heavy words, like sexual assault and rape. But we’ll get back to that.
Bottom line, I am a true, bleeding black and gold Steeler’s fan. As silly as it sounds, even when life is a little rough around the edges, or falling completely apart (as mine has in the past), the Steelers are there on Sundays, and it’s a very simple game. Over 60 minutes, either they score more points than their opponent, or they don’t. To me, football isn’t all about stats, individual players, fantasy leagues, and all the other mumbo jumbo that is inevitably a part of the NFL culture. It’s about Sundays, and whether or not the Steelers score more points than whoever they face on the field.
I hate it when they don’t. It physically feels disappointing, as though my heart has sunk in my chest from the weight of the loss. It’s infinitely more disappointing losing to the Ravens for a second time in a season. I have a deep dislike for the men who wear purple and hail from Baltimore. But with that dislike there is respect, as there must be for any opponent who is constantly a challenge, who constantly elevates and motivates their rival to produce their best effort.
Last night, in a fit of heated frustration, I decided to voice my opinion about the Ravens on Facebook. Following last week’s dominant win, it was difficult watching the Steelers struggle to move the ball on the ground and complete passes. Additionally (as is always the case) I felt that there were some questionable calls on the field, and some downright objectionable ball placements (I especially felt this way watching the Patriots Giants game- which aired before the Steelers took to the field for SNF).
So to preface my subsequent comments, let me just say. 1. I believe (and it is my opinion) that the NFL tends to regulate their players and organizations, and establish rules and levy fines and hold members to a certain standard better than some of the other major sports organizations. 2. I love the Steelers, and despite being utterly disappointed at times (much more than I was at their loss yesterday) I will always love them, unless they somehow manage to become everything about the NFL that I dislike. I don’t believe that will ever be the case. I will defend them even if I don’t always agree with the action taken. 3. When I think about football, and the teams and players involved, it’s rarely on a personal level. It’s normally all about what happens between endzones on a field once a week. When things make national news, it’s unavoidable. But in general, what players do on their own time doesn’t catch my fancy. I like when they’re suited up in black and gold, and fighting for 10 yards at at time. Life isn’t black and white, but games are. At the end a winner and a loser emerge. And it’s solely about what happened on the grass for 60 minutes.
Before I begin though, there is another side to the story.
If my mind was heavy with thoughts of professionals in the NFL getting a pass for doing reprehensible things, nothing can describe how I felt as I hit my stride on the treadmill yesterday morning only to find myself reading about Jerry Sandusky’s many, erm, indiscretions (not even close to the kind of powerful word that should be used here) that spanned years ~ years!!! ~ and have been under investigation for the past three. In my mind, there are no explanations that can wash away the shame he has brought to a University that I have loved practically since birth (or at least since when I understood what love and team loyalty was) and am proud to call my alma mater. All of it is so new and fresh and continues to compound in its level of horrific-ness as each new piece unfolds. My initial reaction? I’m utterly devastated, but even moreso, I’m furious that someone could tarnish a University that prides itself on its morals and standards because somehow their need to indulge in whatever it is they indulged in somehow trumped the history and integrity of Penn State and the love and belief that thousands of students and alma mater have in it. I have held my head high for years because I believed in what Penn State stood for, and I believed in what Joe Paterno upheld in our football program ~ that university is first and foremost a place to learn, both academically and socially; that Penn State teaches everyone as equally as possible, to both know information, and to be the best version of oneself that one can be. I took great pride in Penn State’s reputation, and in JoePa.
I feel, as I watch this train wreck unfold across every media source imaginable, so utterly let down by something I loved so deeply. In an even worse redux of Ben’s allegations two years ago, I wonder if what I believed in ever existed at all. There is nothing more heart-breaking than that.
So how does a person reconcile all these things? Ben Roethlisberger, a alleged rapist. Ray Lewis, an alleged murderer. Jerry Sandusky, trumping them both, an alleged child molester.
Ben Roethlisberger, two-time Super Bowl winning QB and team leader. Ray Lewis, Super Bowl MVP and the heart and soul of the Raven’s organization. Jerry Sandusky, defensive coordinator for one of the best and most respected collegiate athletic programs.
What does it mean when organizations that make a point of outlining and upholding standards handle situations like this in what can only be thought of (especially in the case of Penn State) as questionable? Where are the lines? Can some be crossed and others not? How did the Steelers, the Rooneys and the coaching staff, led by Mike Tomlin, decide that Ben’s situations (in Reno and Georgia) could be forgiven, but Holmes’ could not? How did eight boys over fifteen years allegedly get molested and no one in the Penn State organization be aware of it? Isn’t it ironic (I had to look this up last night) that Lewis struck a deal to testify against his co-defendants, both of whom were later aquitted ~ and that the suit he was wearing the night of the alleged murder was never found?
How do we, as fans, go back to watching and enjoying football, when there -at times- feels to be an undercurrent of the miscarriage of justice? So, Ben is absolved of his sins, he ‘finds’ God, gets married and all is forgiven? Ray Lewis becomes a pillar of goodness in the Raven’s organization and it’s all good? Plaxico Burress shot himself and did time. He didn’t injure someone else. He didn’t violate someone or take their life. He shot himself. And he did time. How do you reconcile all these things and find the common thread that unifies all the decisions made and the verdicts given? As I mentioned before, it’s heart-breaking.
So, whether anyone agrees with me or not, I choose to love my teams when they are just that ~ teams, on the field, August through (hopefully) January every year, physically fighting it out yard by yard.
I don’t have a good explanation for what Ben did, how he handled it, or why the organization I love, the Pittsburgh Steelers, chose the path they did. I don’t want to think about Ray Lewis other than twice a year when we face him on the field, and where I give him respect for who he is as a football player. In regards to Penn State, it’s so much more personal and on such an otherworldly level right now (after all, I’ve had nearly two years, and a season and a half of football to reconcile with Ben) that in general, I’m just speechless. I’m speechless at the allegations levied against Sandusky, and I’m speechless that something so utterly terrible will forever change my school. In general, the fallibility of the human race, and the grand stage of football that presents it in regards to the above men, make me sad.
As a regular person, who goes to work every Monday through Friday, I want to believe in something greater than myself ~ I want to be part of something greater than myself. I want to believe that the organizations and people that I put my faith and love into are infallible, and will never let me down. But humanity is fallible. And with that comes the painful heartache of having to come to terms with the reality of situations, such as rape allegations, murder allegations and sexual molestation. To me, it doesn’t feel fair. I feel now, processing the Sandusky situation, much as I felt in 2009 when Ben made the news repeatedly for his incredibly questionable behavior. Embarrassed, let down, misled.
Also, as I come to the end of this rant, I find that I don’t know how to finish what I’ve been rambling about. So I’ll say this (again). I love the Steelers. I couldn’t imagine being a fan of any other NFL team. I love Penn State. I am proud to call it my alma mater, and I am proud of the tenets of, in my opinion, one of the best public collegiate institutions. Neither the Steelers organization nor the Pennsylvania State University, despite my deepest wishes, are infallible. And while that is disappointing, I still love them both. That doesn’t mean that I don’t find things such as the above troubling. It only means that I love them, damages and all.
low key Friday
Today was a gorgeous, albeit windy, day in downtown Philadelphia, and I was lucky enough to have spent a lot of it outside. I hit up the downtown TJ’s for dinner inspiration (aka, one of the man and my favorite treats ) and in a few minutes, we are going to get in the Mini Cooper and head outta Dodge.
A lot of times on a Friday, I get the sudden urge as Happy Hour approaches, to sidle up to a bar somewhere and enjoy a few week-ending libations. But for tonight, I’m looking forward to TJ treats, curry dipping sauce, and some really good juice (which we will pick up at the local Wine & Spirits store on our journey home).
Additionally, we have decided on a Boardwalk Empire marathon (we have all the new eps on the DVR, but haven’t, up until this point, gotten further in that one episode). It feels nice to have a low-key plan ~ I’m looking forward to the R & R.
T.G.I.F.!
a view from the top
Tonight, the man and I had the pleasure of journeying to the 37th floor of Two Liberty Place and enjoying Happy Hour at R2L.
We had been meaning to go … and meaning to go … After all, one of our friends began managing there in January (quick math means we’ve been ‘meaning’ to go for approximately 10 months … pathetic on our part in regards to follow through).
The above pic is copied from R2L’s website ~ I wanted to get a nighttime view, but unfortunately, my technical skills are not that high-tech. 🙁
We noshed on an assortment of delicious treats, including potato skins stuffed with aged cheddar, bacon and scallions, grilled truffled flatbread, sliders with cheddar and bacon (is there any other way?) and seriously scrumptious shrimp cocktail.
My favorite part ~ well, one of them (why narrow it down to a solitary one?) was the gorgeous view across the city of Philadelphia. Including a private event room with a view of City Hall. Wow. Why did we wait so long to check it out?
We also enjoyed some really nice wine ~ for the lady, Fleur de California Chardonnay (North Coast, California, 2008) ~ for the man, Ridge Zinfandel (York Creek California 2007).
As a side note, isn’t it hilarious when you get to the point in life when you legitimately have to get out your calendar to schedule time with friends? Oy. Seriously. But … it’s scheduled! I love it when a plan comes together. (Name that movie!).
cheesy goodness
I have a lot of quirky feelings toward food.
I don’t like ketchup. At all.
I don’t like cucumbers. At all. Or pickles.
I’m not a huge fan (aka, avoid at all costs) food that require eating with my hands. This includes, but is not limited to ~ wings, crab legs & ribs. When I finally experienced boneless short ribs in my adult years, I was amazed at how good they tasted. But pick up ribs and gnaw away, trying to find something that is fulfilling?
Nah. No thanks.
So when I was younger, and my parents grilled, I looked forward to one thing.
Hickory Smoked Cheese Loaf
You have no idea how amazing this stuff is. And it’s SO EASY to make. I remember when my mother passed the recipe on to me, and I made it for John the first time. Of course, I regaled him with all sorts of childhood memories of mine that involved the bread. My mother first got the recipe from a neighbor in Pittsburgh who lived in the same complex as my parents when I was born. I remember when we moved back to Pittsburgh ~ I was probably about 11 ~ and those same neighbors welcomed us back to the ‘Burgh, and took us to Sorgel’s Orchard to get pastries and bread on a chilly October Saturday morning, as we waited for our moving truck to deliver all our worldly possessions to our newest address. In the time since, my parents and those neighbors have lost touch ~ I believe a divorce occurred. But I have deeply fond memories of them. In fact, my first set of golf clubs were from them. But that’s another tangent.
The point is, food has served multiple purposes across the tapestry of time ~ it upholds traditions, and it sparks memories. It teaches a granddaughter her heritage and culture ~ it expresses love. I could wax poetic all evening, but the bottom line is, Hickory Smoke Cheese Loaf was, and remains, part of my food tapestry.
And I’m gonna share it with you. This recipe, pretty much taken word for word from the most amazing mother that ever existed. I love you Mama Bear.
What you Need:
1 loaf fresh French bread
1/2 c softened butter
1 cup shredded natural sharp Cheddar cheese (about 4 oz)
2 Tbsp snipped fresh parsley (but dried stuff will get the job done)
1/2 tsp Hickory Smoked Salt (or smoke flavoring for BBQ)
2 tsp good Worcestershire sauce
What you Do:
1. Cut bread slightly on the diagonal until almost through the bread, but not quite.
2. Mix all remaining ingredients.
3. Spread on bread slices, one side only. Maintain the shape of the loaf.
4. Wrap tightly in aluminum foil.
5. Heat on BBQ grill or in oven for about 15 minutes at 350 degrees.
6. Make sure the bread is fully warm (you want to make sure the cheese has melted on each slice).
7. Serve immediately.
Trust me, you’ll love it.
you thought I forgot
The following was started last Thursday, and it’s taken until today to get my act together and finish it ~ but I liked it so much, I wanted to leave the post in tact. So, here it is, a (few) day(s) late, but hopefully not a dollar (or anything else!) short!
October 27, 2011
Today is gray out, and it doesn’t help that I have felt utterly exhausted since I pulled myself out of bed this morning. I’m not sure why ~ I mean, I did get about 45 minutes less sleep, but it boggles my mind that such a small amount could affect me so significantly this morning. (And so far … this whole day).
Last night we popped a bottle of bubbles to celebrate Miss Parker’s first WeHangsDay at the man and my abode ~ we served ribs and Hickory Smoke Cheese Loaf (a specialty of my Mama Bear) with a wedge salad a la the man. The last time he made one was for my annual Oscar dinner two years ago, so it was a nice change up from my staple of arugula with olive oil, lemon juice and parmesan.
But that’s not what I’m gonna yap about today.
I figured it was high time to set down how I learned to make Beef & Broccoli. Since the recipe is a little bit unique, I’ll preface it by saying the following:
1. If you need measurements, and don’t feel comfortable winging it, don’t make this recipe.
2. It requires a little prep before hand, so read the recipe, do the prep, and then plan the dinner for when you have all the ingredients on hand. Not usually the way I roll (*picture a woman in business casual clothes frantically speed-walking up and down grocery store aisles and maniacally checking her watch to make sure she will get home before her guests and get enough prep done that the whole dinner party isn’t a disaster occurring after 10pm* … and you have some idea of how my weeknight dinner with friends evenings go).
So, with that being said ~ here I go!
First:
1. You need to create one of the ingredients by combining sliced jalepeno peppers in a jar with red wine vinegar. I have a jam jar that I cleaned out and ran through the dishwasher. Grab three to five jalepeno peppers (depending on size), slice them and put them in the jar. Fill up with red wine vinegar. This needs to sit for at the very least, a few days.
Day Of: What You Need ~
1 London Broil
1 large head of broccoli (washed and broken into smaller bite-size pieces)
Cornstarch
Soy sauce
Fish Sauce (You can find this is Asian Food shops, and some higher end grocery stores)
Water
Jalepeno/Red Wine Vinegar combo
Vegetable Oil
2 cloves garlic, minced
**Optional: Dash of Sugar
What to do:
1. First, get a big cutting board, and a big, sharp knife to cut the London Broil. You want to cut on a diagonal, and almost shave the meat (if you’ve ever had Chinese food, you should have an idea of what it should look like visually ~ let that guide you). As you cut the meat, put it in a large sautee pan (my pan almost looks as big as a wok~ so choose your biggest, and one that allows you to mix).
2. Douse the meat liberally with soy sauce. Add approximately 1/4 cup of cornstarch, 1/4 cup veggie oil, and then enough water that it is about 1 1/2 inch from the top of the meat. Begin cooking on medium to medium high heat, stirring frequently.
3. When the meat appears to be cooked through, transfer to large mixing bowl, sauce and all.
4. Turn the heat up to high. Add your minced garlic cloves and a few tablespoons of water. You want to fry and steam your broccoli at the same time, so it’s a delicate balance of the sizzling garlic, about a tbsp of oil, and enough water to steam the veggies. When the pan is hissing and popping, add your broccoli. Cook to the consistency you like (less time = crunchier, obv ~ everything after that is personal taste!).
5. Add meat mixture back in, and after it bubbles for a split second, lower the heat to medium. At this point, stir in about a tbsp (or two) of fish sauce and then a tbsp or two of the jalepeno infused red wine vinegar.
6. Taste test. If it’s too sour, bitey or makes you pucker, add a dash of sugar, and keep tasting and adjusting using sugar until you get the taste you like.
7. Serve over rice. (I don’t like rice, and never make it, so I have no idea how to make rice, but I do know that Angie brought a rice cooker, and it seemed to be easy peesy. She said you should start the rice cooker, and by the time the beef and broccoli are done, the rice should be done, too! Neat timing, right?).
Post Script: I brought this to work, and enjoyed it for several days. It was yum yum delish. I’m looking forward to trying it all on my own some day ~ I’ll let you know how my solo mission goes if you let me know how your attempts turn out!
Post Post Script: Angie learned this recipe from her mama, and said that it used to infuriate people that no real recipe existed. But I think that’s what makes it fun. So if you love Chinese food, take a little leap of faith, and try it out. The more you do it, the better you’ll be able to adjust and know what works and what doesn’t. That’s how Angie learned it. 🙂
D5 Creation