ruminations
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honesty is the best policy
When I started this blog last June, I wanted it to be a celebration of things I cared about ~ not so much a ponderous wander into the dark, twisty parts of my subconscious.
Unfortunately, sometimes those dark parts are a little hard to avoid.
My first piece of advice to myself, as I grabbed myself by the metaphorical bootstraps and ordered myself to pick myself up, dust myself off, and tidy myself up, was that any extended time on Facebook reminiscing about past mistakes is time NOT well spent. I gave up Facebook for Lent this year (and for about eight months last year after realizing that I wasted far too much time reading other people’s inner monologues versus listening to my own) and when I finally got back on after Lent ended, it was like an addict faced with a box of their favorite vice.
I began to systematically revisit each part of my life that ended badly, times I behaved badly … you name it, if it was negative and regrets could exist, I found it, and wallowed in it. Clearly, incredible for my mental health.
April is an interesting month for me. Other than the man, who is the most important person in my life, every other man of any significance (past and present, and including my father and brother) has a birthday in April. Not only that, but I have a quirky memory for birthdays, so even if I wanted to forget the dates, I can’t. Hello, bad version of Memory Lane.
I found myself of late full of lethargy, and not very interested in training for the 10 mile run I registered for (a little silly, considering it is two weeks and two days away), blogging, cooking … or doing very much of anything. I think the best word for it = apathy. I wasn’t crying, or overtly depressed. I just didn’t.care.about.anything.
I wanted to write about things, mull things over somehow, but I vowed not to be depressed or overly introspective here. This was about new discoveries, delicious recipes, thoughtful discourse. Not sadness. But it began to feel like a facade, as though my words on my blog weren’t honest anymore, because I was trying so hard to be happy. It felt insincere.
So the truth in a nutshell is this ~ I am most definitely not happy and full of sunshine and light all the time. Some days I am ~ some days I’m bouncing off the walls with excitement about life. But in March and April … usually I’m giving myself lectures as I lie in bed, avoiding the inevitable (aka, getting up and being productive). I don’t know why those months seem the hardest … but they always do.
Last night the man and I spent a looooong time talking (we like to talk, which I think is a good sign that we actually like each other). We committed to the idea of trying to plan vacations in March from now on ~ to try to give me something to look forward to, and also to have a little change of pace to help combat my doldrums. Sidenote: I realize with full clarity the greatness of my man. We talked about a lot of things ~ our schedules, our future, our goals. It was a good talk. It put my mind at ease. It gave me a sense of peace.
And then, for the first time since Easter, I made dinner. We happen to be big fans of breakfast, and often have breakfast as dinner. It didn’t hurt that our landlords gave us farm fresh eggs (in an assortment of colors, which tickled me pink!). So I made something I have been perfecting for a few years. It’s pretty versatile, but always delicious.
Naan Breakfast Bread
What you need:
1 pkg Whole Wheat Naan (each package has two pieces of bread)
2 eggs
1 small pkg Low-Fat Grated Italian Cheese Blend
1 pkg sliced baby bella mushrooms
10 thick asparagus spears
butter
Canola oil
EVOO
S & P
Garlic powder
What to do:
This dish depends on timing. You want everything to come together and be ready at the same time. The following is how it works best for me. My advice ~ read through all the steps, and then go back and start at the beginning. 🙂
Preheat oven to 325.
1. Rinse mushrooms. Add to small saucepan with a generous drizzle of olive oil, several twists of fresh pepper and salt, and a good shake of garlic powder. Cook on medium heat until mushrooms soften.
2. While the mushrooms are reducing, trim bottoms of asparagus (I cut off at least 1 1/2 inches to avoid any stringy-ness) and then cut into bite-size pieces. Lower the heat under the mushrooms, and stir in asparagus.
3. Line a cookie sheet with aluminum foil. Place naan on sheet. Spread about a half tablespoon of butter on each piece, leaving an edge of about 1/2 inch around the outside of the bread. Spread a decent about of cheese on each piece, but leave some cheese for the end. Put the cookie sheet in the oven to melt the cheese.
4. In a small saucepan, heat 2 tbsps canola oil. Cook eggs in oil over medium heat. Use a spoon to scoop the oil over the yolks to cook them, but leave the insides warm and runny.
5. Pull naan bread from oven when cheese is mostly melted. Spoon mushrooms and asparagus onto cheese. Put one egg on each piece of bread. Sprinkle a little more cheese. Put back in oven for another 1-2 minutes (I use this time to clean up the kitchen, because I hate a dirty kitchen with used plates and pans everywhere).
6. Serve. Voila, dinner!
The man and I have contemplated other ingredients, and I recently changed the cheese we use, because we had been using cheddar but it was just too oily. Our next incarnation will include salsa, because the man thinks the dish needs the acidity of the tomatoes to cut the heaviness. He may be right. 🙂 Either way, Bon Appetit!
moments of clarity
Have you ever had a moment when it felt incredibly clear that you perhaps weren’t living up to the person you want to be?
I had one today. I thought ~ wow. I really squander a lot of time. I watch TV when I should be reading a book. I go to the gym at 9pm and then sit up til midnight unwinding instead of going straight to bed (although yes, I did go to the gym). I hit snooze instead of getting up and getting to work early. I don’t meal plan. I let laundry pile up.
I want to be educated, but I really hate watching the news and hearing about all the fires and shootings and crime. It doesn’t inspire much hope about the human race, and I inevitably have nightmares.
Today we took Lucy to the vet (for what feels like the millionth time). I was running late getting home from work and of course, despite her incredible ability to evacuate her bowels constantly, we couldn’t get a sample. I felt flustered and agitated that I wasn’t on top of everything. I felt frustrated all day that for some reason, the feeling of passion or fire, doesn’t infuse my work days. Sitting at the vet, I wondered why I didn’t choose a career path more virtuous, like veterinary medicine. Something where the work you do contributes positively to society.
In the end, all any of us can do is try every day to be the best person we can be ~ make the choices we want to make. Some days we will be lazy, and some days we will feel as though we are making incredible headway. Change takes time, and change comes from creating new routines. I guess if I work hard at creating new routines (like going to the gym ~ at 9pm or any time!), I can try to modify them as I get more comfortable. It’s all about being proactive, right?
Easter lunch
roses from my mama bear
Last year, the man and I hosted Easter luncheon for the first time. I used left-over tissue paper to line the plates and separate the soup bowls. I had a crazy notion to make a chilled soup to start (I found an excellent recipe in Delia Smith’s cookbook for avocado gazpacho, and it was pretty successful, if I do say so myself!).
We sat outside with my parents for most of the afternoon, drank a lot of white wine and ate delicious snacks from Trader Joes. My mother and I filled our entire apartment with smoke from the leg of lamb, and the man managed to break not one, but three wine glasses.
It was a good Easter.
tulips
This year we were supposed to journey up to the man’s parents, but plans changed at the last minute, so we invited my folks up (and wrangled them into getting lamb from their butcher, who is vastly superior to anyone in our area) and committed to having our first joint family holiday.
I’m not sure I’ve mentioned it before, but I have a deep passion for event planning. I immediately whipped open my April issue of ‘Good Housekeeping’ (I remembered they had an Easter luncheon ‘make-ahead’ meal plan, and I was going to cherry pick that which I liked best). I also went about envisioning my table settings. (There is something supremely satisfying about beautifully setting a table to dine).
"Eastery Centerpiece"
On Thursday, my first scheduled day of prep, I was sidelined fairly effectively with one of the worst migraine headaches I’ve had in a long time. Sidenote: apparently, the pollen count is twice as high as past years due to the incredibly mild winter. Store that knowledge away, because I think it’s pretty beneficial info. I plan on using it to sound really informed at least three or four times this summer.
So after work on Friday, I braved Michaels, Kohls and the grocery store, to get prepped for the man’s parent’s visit and Easter Sunday luncheon. I had such a strong sense of my flower arrangements, centerpiece and place settings (courtesy of Good Housekeeping) that I hemmed and hawed for awhile at Michaels, trying to find just the right supplies. I also ran into Minda’s hubby, who was there to get crafting supplies to make her a surprise Easter gift (how adorable!).
When John’s parents arrived late Friday evening, we were dying Easter eggs. I’d bought tiny galvanized bins and a little watering can, and I filled them with store-bought (aka fake) moss, and tulip buds. For Easter lunch, I added the dyed eggs (housed in the refrigerator until then).
On Saturday (and on very little sleep, thanks to Miss Lucy) I prepped this year’s chilled soup ~ an asparagus bisque. Having never bought (let alone cooked) with leeks, it was a long process – it’s length aided by my inability to focus due to extreme fatigue. Someone (and I won’t name names LUCY) was up all night crying at the incredible injustice that she was in our room in her comfy bed rather than in the living room with her grandma, grandpa and their pups, Sera and Jack. The recipe is here ~ and it’s delish. The man made a great observation, too ~ the soup benefits from time in the fridge cooling down.
For dinner, I made buttermilk roast chicken (from Smitten Kitchen – and a huge success on WeHangsDay earlier in the week), pull-apart bread and a spinach, pear and almond salad. (This was all at the request of the man ~ there’s nothing quite like getting a food request… it makes a girl feel very special!). I’d wanted to prep the rest of Easter dinner, but after a shower and a long nap, it was all I could do to get dinner on the table.
Smitten Kitchen's Buttermilk Chicken
My invented Pear & Toasted Almond Spinach Salad
Today, Lucy and I took a three-mile jog and then set in for full-on Easter lunch prep. The man and I set up two tables, draped them in clothes (which I bought in two contrasting sizes and shapes, because really, why make it easy on myself?), and I began decorating.
Our final menu ~
To start … Deviled eggs a la the man, Chilled Asparagus Bisque
For lunch … Boneless leg of lamb (prepared by my gracious mother, with grainy mustard, rosemary and breadcrumbs), scalloped potatoes (prepared by John’s gracious mother, with cheddar cheese, sour cream, butter, French’s Fried Onions and Campbell’s Cream of Chicken Soup), Apricot & Pistachio Salad (courtesy of Good Housekeeping) and Pillsbury biscuits.
And, something sweet … Cheesecake Stuffed Strawberries, Peanut Butter Eggs, and Coconut Eggs. The man has been waxing lyrical about his mama’s peanut butter eggs forever … and he was right. They were delish!
It was an amazing afternoon ~ such a nice and gentle introduction of our families to each other (after nearly four years, it was about time!). In my world, family is one of the most important things. Family helps to mold you, is your safety net when you take leaps of faith into the unknown, lifts you up when you are dragging, and genuinely expresses pleasure when you succeed. Family is priceless and should be treated as such. I felt lucky to have the majority of my family with me (we were minus my little brother, because he marches to his own beat, is turning 30 tomorrow and probably celebrated today, and isn’t one for overly religious celebrations). I feel lucky to be with a man who values the same things I value.
Life is good. Happy Easter peeps. 😉 (Get it? … peeps!!!)
space
For some reason, I have been a little bit preoccupied with space of late.
As in, every feels too small, and too closed in.
This was the majority of the motivating factor of our recent apartment ‘facelift.’ Luckily, the man is very understanding of my need for constant organization (I wouldn’t say I have OCD, but I wouldn’t not say it, either).
We stream-lined the apartment, and we’ve been spending a lot of time with Lucy at the many state parks in our area (we are very fortunate in that) taking long walks and enjoying the peace of nature. It’s not quite the same as actually being in the country and not hearing a highway and the constant noise of traffic ~ but it’s a lot better than the constant crush and rush of inner-city Philadelphia.
My need for space to breath was also a factor in our purchase a few months ago of my new vehicle (or as the man refers to it, my ‘whip’). I loved my Mini with all my heart, but being in a one-bedroom apartment and driving a car with ‘small’ in the name, plus commuting into the claustrophobia of the city every day ~ I felt as though I wanted to stretch and every time I tried, my arms and legs were bumping into something ~ penning me in.
I’ve been lucky that many things have changed recently ~ the new car, the new furniture, and most importantly, the new business offices for my company. Now instead of sitting in an hour’s worth of rush hour traffic, I’m just driving to the next town over. It means less time alone for Lucy, less stress for me … more space.
This weekend we are hosting the man’s family, and we *finally* have a place for them to sleep that isn’t piles of blankets on the floor. Tomorrow, my parents will be here as well, and we will all break bread together (for the first time) over Easter luncheon. Today I prepped my asparagus bisque (which I am serving chilled) and made craft-y DIY centerpieces that I found in “Good Housekeeping.” I’ll share all that tomorrow ~ but for tonight, we’re noshing on Smitten Kitchen’s Buttermilk Roast Chicken with pull apart bread and a baby spinach salad with honey-roasted almonds and pear slices.
Hope you’re enjoying Easter weekend as well.
action
“To action alone hast thou a right and never at all to its fruits; let not the fruits of action be thy motive; neither let there be in thee any attachment to inaction” ~Bhagavad Gita
I heard the above quote incorrectly today ~ I heard “To action alone one is entitled, and never to its root.” Until I spoke with my yoga instructor after class and read the text over her shoulder, I didn’t realize that I’d been contemplating the brilliance of a mis-quoted line.
But as I sit here and meditate on it, I’m glad I mis-heard her.
Recently, I’ve been very angry. I don’t know why. And I’ve always been sensitive. And I’ve over-thought things. Imagine the “ah-hah” moment I had when I thought, ‘Wait a second … the only thing that I am entitled to is the action. The motivation behind it ~ not my concern.” It felt like permission to take things and react to things at face value, instead of agonizing about the meaning behind the action.
I often say – mostly with a laugh and a shrug- that from the age of eighteen until about the age of twenty-eight, I lost my way. I made a lot of bad decisions, and I lost sight of who I was, what I believed in, and how I wanted to live my life. I didn’t have much self-confidence (do many twenty-somethings?) and because of that, I searched for reassurance and acceptance in the wrong places. I knew who I thought I was ~ but I don’t think that’s how I presented myself to the world. I didn’t take pride in myself. I went through a few life-altering experiences in my late twenties. The self-doubts and insecurities -even after finding my footing, acknowledging my incredible support system and finding a partner who is my best friend and who nurtures the best in me- sometimes seep into my daily life.
Pondering the idea that perhaps an action is just an action, and not a subliminal message in pretty packaging, is probably something I should make a daily habit. And even if that subliminal message exists, it might be beneficial (for me, at least) to remind myself that I can either give credence to it, or I can move past it. There is no law requiring intense dissection of underlying meanings.
Actions are powerful things, even without ulterior motives.
Even in the true meaning of the passage, action should be undertaken for the simple act itself, not the fruits of it. To loosely quote what Minda said after class, “I tell my students that it isn’t about the bonus points or the rewards ~ do the work to do the work”. On that subject, the simple act of doing usually results in knowledge or wisdom or epiphanies. If you go through the motions, you learn whether you mean to or not. Action is funny that way, huh? 😉 (I can hear the piano teacher of my youth saying ‘practice, practice, practice!’ right now).
The other aspect that (in my mis-heard version) struck a chord was acknowledging that no action doesn’t necessarily have an ulterior motive, either. Stressing about inaction is just as futile as stressing about action, or more importantly, the implied meaning of either the action or inaction.
Action.
It’s such a huge idea to wrap one’s head around. Not only the ideas proposed during my hot vinyasa class, but as an overriding concept.
Actions speak louder than words. A cliché, but utterly true. Here are a couple more.
Lead by example.
Just do it.
I’m not trying to be hokey, but these are the things I am thinking as I contemplate the power of action. I’m thinking of the people I respect, the things I strive to be.
I was called out once for talking a great game but never following through (see above regarding the ten year period between 18 and 28). I didn’t understand the significance of that until much later, but when I did, and as I sit here now, I realize the power of that (constructive) criticism.
Action is powerful. Right now, the man and I are watching “The 60s” (one of his favs, and really interesting … also pertinent to my current thought process). The marches and protests and riots during the 60’s are a prime example. Not all the results of actions are positive, but actions are powerful.
To close things out, I’m going to fall back on another great cliché.
I would rather regret something I did, rather than something I did not do. What could sum it up better than that? Oh, and don’t forget. It’s just the action. Not the implied, subliminal, possible interpretation. Just the action itself.
april fools
This morning, we woke to Lucy waiting patiently for us to get out of bed, feed her and take her for a walk. She was waiting expectantly, eyes focused on us, cool as a cucumber. It was adorable.
She’s been a good sport the past few weekends when we have spent most of each day re-organizing our entire apartment. We usually like to make changes in the spring, but this year, we have successfully replaced nearly every piece of furniture we own. We went a little nuts.
You can imagine that for Lucy, this has been a lot of upheaval. All she really wants is to run through the woods, curl up in her bed, and have her people close at hand.
Today, after enjoying a Friday night birthday dinner for my dad (lobster, asparagus and baked potatoes prepared expertly by my Mama Bear and Zia), a Saturday filled with Ikea purchases, and furniture rearranging, it was only to be expected that Lucy would anticipate a long walk. Unfortunately, we spent most of the afternoon finishing our massive project, racing to be done and curled up for the premiere of “Game of Thrones.”
Today is also my daddy’s birthday, so I usually forget that April 1st is April Fool’s Day. (For Lucy, it must have felt particularly cruel when we took her to the park and did half the walk). I can’t believe it’s April already ~ time just keeps slipping by. Next weekend is Easter, and the man and I are hosting both sets parents – the first time in the nearly four years we have been together that our parents are spending time together. My fingers are crossed that it all goes smoothly ~ seven people, three dogs, one small kitchen and lots of chefs!
human nature
Sometimes, people surprise you in the best ways. And sometimes, they do not.
Yesterday and today reminded me of both those lessons.
Yesterday …
The man and I have done some minor home improvements over the past few weeks (fueled mostly by our desire to streamline our small apartment and make it seem less like a clutter magnet). Those improvements include a new sofa in our living room (it’s my favorite piece!), a chop block in the kitchen, and several new shelving units throughout the house. Still to come … improvements in our clothing storage. But as the man reminds me, it’s one step at a time. Buuuut … that’s me veering off subject.
Replacing furniture leaves the inevitable “problem” of having too much furniture, so like most people in this modern world, we posted it on craigslist.
It took a little bit to get a response. But we did, and the gentleman in question, named Winston, was interested in quite a few pieces. Last night Winston arrived to inspect and possibly purchase one of our couches, our old desk, books and a filing cabinet. And after the haggling was done, and he’d also agreed to a bookshelf, we made arrangements for the pick up, shook his hand and waved goodbye as he climbed into his truck.
Which didn’t start. For the next three hours. Finally, as twilight faded into evening, AAA showed up to tow his car to a garage. By that time, we’d gotten to know Winston, and found him to be a really super guy. He told his stories in a slow, thoughtful way, and had a deep, genuine laugh. Lucy was completely in love with him and followed him every time he went to his truck, walked down the driveway to make a phone call, or sat at the table with us. She was stuck to him like glue.
As the expenses to fix his truck seemed to compound, the man graciously told Winston that if he no longer wanted to purchase our second hand furniture, we completely understood. Winston laughed and said, “Oh no! I definitely want this stuff! Don’t you worry!” He had such a great sense of humor about the whole situation – when I’m sure on the inside, he was frustrated, fuming at AAA and the tow truck driver’s callous disregard, and probably uncomfortable having to linger at our home for hours.
We talked about “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.” Winston watched all three Swedish films, and saw the more recent American version, and felt the original films had an authenticity and understanding of Swedish culture that didn’t quite translate in the American film.
We talked about “Magnum PI.” Winston owns all nine seasons on DVD, and is going to loan them to me on Saturday. He said that it was going to be a surprise, but he looked at the man and said, “Can I tell her?”
Winston came to our house to get furniture for his son, to help him furnish an apartment. He told us about his ex-wife, and how he lost his two dogs when they split up. He listened to our car horror stories politely, and laughed in all the right places. He was a delight; the epitome of the best of human nature. People like Winston remind us all to have a little faith in our fellow man.
Today …
It was brought to my attention by the GM of the restaurant I oversee, that we’d had a customer complain that not once, but twice we’d made a mistake on her take-out order, and she’d had an allergic reaction.
Let me preface the next few paragraphs by saying that the mistakes were ours, food allergies are not to be trifled with, and it saddened me greatly that we’d so hugely dropped the ball.
I drafted an email to the woman (whose only contact I had was an email address). I outlined how important hospitality and customer service are to us and how much pride we take in making our guests feel comfortable and well taken care of. I let her know that we were all, from my boss (the owner and managing partner) right down through the person who took the order, deeply disappointed and apologetic for the circumstance happening not once, but twice. I asked her how she best felt we could make amends to her regarding these two mistakes.
Aaaaand, for the next few hours she and I exchanged emails in which she attacked all parts of our business, myself included, without at any point attempting to understand the message I was sending to her.
It was incredibly frustrating.
A few emails in, I came to the realization that she really just wanted to be angry about everything, because there seemed to be nothing that either I, the GM or the restaurant could do or say to assuage her. Each communication on my part was an effort in staying positive, apologetic and professional. My company, in general, does an amazing job at being hospitable to our guests. We have loyal regular customers, and overall positive reviews. Our management staff, floor staff and kitchen staff go the extra step to be knowledgeable, friendly and accommodating. Making a mistake twice with a regular customer is -frankly- inexcusable. However, I also feel that apologizing should not be an exercise in complete humility. We should deal with complaints with class and grace, yes, but not by groveling.
This was an instance where a person did not surprise me with humanity. It was very frustrating (as are most angry customer complaints in all industries). It’s a good thing that I could think of Winston and be reminded that people can be good.
against the grain
Today, I managed to get on the yoga mat for the first time in months.
It felt good. For over an hour, it was just me, my thoughts, the movement, and the sweat trickling down my face.
I’d purchased a class package last year that I thought expired in January, but thanks to a reminder email last week, I learned that my classes were still valid. Having my new office about two blocks from the yoga studio only made tonight’s decision to go to class that much easier.
Our instructor was focusing on ‘tapas’ ~ the idea of doing something against the grain, or something outside your daily routine. She asked us to reflect on habits, things we might not even realize we are doing … especially the ones full of negative energy. People whose phone call, or email, make you cringe/roll your eyes/ sigh in exasperation. “Tapas” is the act of changing those habits, moving against the norm.
It was a fitting subject to meditate on as I pushed my body past it’s comfort level. I’ve found myself falling into really bad, negative habits, and once the feelings start, it permeates all aspects of my life.
Example in point: an email in my in-box addresses me in (what I interpret as) a condescending tone. I am personally affronted, and my frustration at being treated without dignity and respect invades my whole being ~ my shoulders tense, my neck cramps, my jaw aches ~ I am exhausted, and frustrated and twisted in knots of anxiety and anger. I want to lash out ~ hurt someone as much as I’ve been hurt. Completely unhealthy in every way.
The thing is, stress happens. It is an inevitable part of life. Learning how to manage and handle it is each of our own personal responsibility. My job is stressful. It’s a lot of balls in the air at the same time, and if any of them drop, bad things happen. It’s fast-paced, and the work load is heavy, and things change every day, and the deadlines are short, and important.
Practicing today allowed my brain to take a break for a moment. And afterwards, as my muscles ached, and my body felt a little wobbly, I felt as though finally, some of the tension was gone. Class reminded me that I should be constantly and vigilantly working to focus on the good, to release the unneeded frustration and anger.
It gave me peace, centered me ~ a little like church feels on Sunday, the silence of the cathedral and the comfort of the ritual allowing my racing mind to be calmed and focused.
Making decisions against the grain included going to class today instead of going home. It means getting up in the morning and taking Lucy for a jog instead of sleeping in. (And those are just the ‘physical activity vs. being sedentary’ examples!) It was the perfect lesson, the perfect meditation for where my life is currently. I love when things work out that way. I love when I feel as though I’m working toward something … making progress toward being a better version of myself.
ashes
This morning, I shook up Lucy and my routine by bolting out of the house at 8am, panicking about being late to church.
I have realized over the past few years that the man and my year is split into halves. The half of the year when we go to church almost every Sunday, and the half when we don’t (otherwise known as football season).
We always start off really motivated on Ash Wednesday, and try to make it to church for all the Sundays of Lent. (In the general scheme of things, I think this is a good effort, mostly because Lent is arguably the most important time in the Catholic calendar).
As spring turns into summer we enjoy church, and brunch with J&J on Sundays. Then 11.30a mass stops (during the height of heat and summer) and we start to miss occasionally. When September rolls around, we try to make the effort to go to mass, but end up spending Sundays watching football instead. I cannot say that I’m particularly proud of this trend, but in the spirit of honesty, it’s the truth.
The man and I debated for awhile what we would abstain from through Lent, and came up with a few things. First, we gave up Facebook. Having done it before, it won’t be terrible, but just to be safe, I let Facebook know last night. Next, we’re going to restrict drinking to the weekends (which isn’t exactly Lenten, but it’s close). AND, we’re giving up Fast Food. To some, this might not sound difficult, but I have a love for McDonalds and Munchkins from Dunkin Donuts that only gets stronger when I’m not allowed to them.
Speaking of the man, he is safely home from all foreign parts, and Lucy and I are very happy. We are a whole family again (and I don’t have to always get up to take Lucy out at night, which rocks!).
Now, I’ve got to order sushi, because someone (oops!) forgot that you can’t eat meat on Ash Wednesday, and had planned to make Italian sausage for dinner. Guess we’ll have that tomorrow. 🙂
from the depths
Today, Lucy had her lady surgery (my way of saying she got spayed, which I think sounds so ugly …). We got up early, had a bath (Lucy was quite good in the whole scheme of things) and headed to the vet. It’s a little bit of a drive, so we listened to “A Clash of Kings” on the way, because currently, I am completely enthralled.
When I handed her over to the extremely friendly vet staff, she was shaking so hard that I knelt down and wrapped her up in my arms, telling her over and over again that I would back soon, and she would be okay with her friends at the vet while I was gone. Telling her that I loved her and everything was fine.
I cried a little on the drive home. Not hysterically, but my heart was filled with worry. For Lucy, for the man who journeyed to Nicaragua yesterday, for all the uncertainties of life which felt huge at 1oam this Friday, the 10th of February. I called my mother-in-law, who kindly assured me that the man was fine, despite having not heard from him, and that Lucy would be fine as well. We talked about lasagna, and pierogi casserole, and stuffed pepper recipes. I felt better when I arrived at Starbucks to purchase my daily addiction of a soy Chai Latte (no water, extra hot).
I spent the afternoon doing numbers and data entry, and was relieved when the vet tech called to say Lucy had done very well, and was currently in recovery. Huge. Sigh. Of. Relief.
I heard from the man, and we were able to talk for a bit. Huge. Sigh. Of. Relief.
It put into very stark perspective for me, however, that my love for both the man and the pup plumb the depths of my heart and soul. Their well-being, happiness, safety … all of it ranks so much higher than my own. Wondering and worrying about either breaks my heart into a thousand tiny pieces. Such is love, I think. Real love is so uncontrollably self-less … so completely pure, and good and amazing.
…
On a lighter note, now the Beatles’ “Real Love” is in my head. It will keep me smiling as I tuck the Peanut into her bed, wearing her ridiculous blue collar, and climb into my own to drift to dreamland.
Good night my friends! Sweet dreamin.’
D5 Creation