My day sort of flew by ~ I have had a to-do list of office work that has lingered on my desk for a few weeks, and since my parent’s flight home from the UK was delayed 8 hours, I got to spend the whole day at the office, which I was not anticipating.  Woo-hoo!  It would be really exciting if today were Thursday … but unfortunately, there are three work days left, which dampened my spirits a little, since I probably won’t get to bed until 1am.

Yoga was pretty hard-core tonight, but class in general is pretty hard-core, so that might be misleading.  For the first time in awhile, I got stuck in my head a little bit, instead of focusing on class’s meditation, and at one point felt very light-headed (which was a bummer).  I was also reminded that I have the arm strength of a small child (when this occurs to me, I always vow to do lots of sun salutations and push-ups, to build up the strength … and then I remember that I hate doing push-ups so it becomes a circular argument in my head).

In the spirit of that inner argument, one of the things I have been meditating on for the past few days is the idea of changing habits.  Yoga’s meditation was a good one, but because I was distracted, I ended up focusing on the thought of breaking and/or changing habits.

This is not a new idea for me.  When I get frustrated with myself, I try to take a step back and remember that the only person who can change me is myself.  Knowing it and doing it are two different things.  And controlling and changing my behavior is incredibly difficult.  I think everyone knows that feelings ~ when you’re feeling really motivated and put-together and in a good place … you promise to eat more balanced meals, and get up an hour before work to jog.  You think about meal plans and balanced budgets and crafting and … well, all that stuff really together people do.

And then morning comes, and the bed is really comfy, and it’s hard to follow through on all the resolutions.  Or you get home from work, and the day was a beast, so you have a glass or two of wine, even though you really wanted to go to the gym, or even just not drink.  Sort of like last week’s thought ~ one step at a time, all put together, is progress, even if it’s hard to see.  It’s all about keeping yourself motivated, and having the will-power to focus on the end goal.

Perhaps what I should do is come up with a mantra ~ something I can whisper to myself when things feel tough.  For right now, I’m going to hop in the car and pick up the parental units.  I’m sure it’s been a long day for them, and I want to get them home safe and sound.  Enjoy the toosday, and sleep well.

Here is today’s yoga thought.

Move through practice softly ~ like a delicate stream, rather than a rushing river.  Consider each action before reacting.  Contemplate the action.

My yoga instructor was funny today.  (And I use the word ‘funny’ loosely).  She began class by letting us know that we were not going to move through postures quickly.  Instead, we were going to move slowly through the motions, and with intention.  With mindfulness and thoughtfulness.  She said (with a smile) not to worry about class being hard.  Just because we were moving slowly didn’t mean it wouldn’t be challenging.  She wasn’t joking.

Holding poses has always been  a challenge for me ~ and I didn’t start to make real progress with it until I began going regularly to yoga on Tuesdays.  Well ~ regular yoga practice in conjunction with training.

Let me explain.

I have always been very impatient.  I have a couple of theories about why that is, but needless to say, that’s the universal conclusion.  Impatience.  When I began training for the Broad Street, I learned very quickly that progress came slowly, and because of that, I reminded myself daily that each step was moving in the right direction.  Even if I felt no movement had been made at all.

That thought pattern came in very handy today.  Yes, I still struggle with holding poses, but the truth (my truth?) is any progress made is something I can own, as my very own.  The practice isn’t about how fast things happen ~ it’s that the progress is continual.  (Or at least, that’s where my mind focused this evening.  Class was also about the delicate stream finding crevices and pushing through those crevices ~ overcoming the obstacles to better appreciate the path … without the obstacles, the water flows easily, therefore not fully appreciating the act of moving in the first place.  Also very good meditation).  In a nutshell, the tortoise and the hare.

Here’s the thing.  In life, I find that it’s very easy to react immediately.  It’s much harder to take a breath, consider all angles, and move forward with those thoughts in mind.  Is it better? Umm, that’s an easy one.  Ninety-nine percent of the time, taking a moment to contemplate any idea thoughtfully is better than reacting viscerally.  Remembering that in the heat of the moment … infinitely harder.

Yoga -to me- has always been a reminder to stop, breath and consider the entire situation.  Everyone walks away from class with something ~ a good work out, a good stretch, a thoughtful spiritual message.  My shoulders feel lighter, and my heart less heavy after class on Tuesday night.  My mind is full of introspection, examination and thoughtfulness.  In the rush of everyday craziness, I often forget to be mindful.  I love that yoga helps me remember, and examine, my thoughts, choices and actions.  It helps create a tenuous balance for me.  And I know that continual practice will help me make progress toward a better version of myself.  Even if I don’t see progress every day, class this evening allowed me to remember that progress is being made.  Like a  delicate stream, or the tortoise.  Steady, and slow.