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musical theatre
Have you ever loved something so much it encompassed your entire life? You lived, dreamed, slept, ate and breathed it?
I did.
I was a musical theatre nerd. For real. As in, I didn’t even know any radio hits until I got to college and met people who liked music that didn’t have Original London Cast and Broadway Cast Recording versions. (This might be a slight exaggeration, but only slight. My music collection was every Andrew Lloyd Weber production ever, and a myriad of other musicals including most of the Rogers & Hammerstein library, Showboat, Chess -London Cast only -, Godspell, etc etc).
I loved singing, dancing and being on stage more than anything. I took dance classes, had voice lessons, participated in every show in my high school. I was ‘Glee’. And I went to college for musical theatre.
Where I proceeded to spectacularly crash and burn. There were a lot of factors, none of which are important enough to revisit fourteen years later, but my freshman year was a hot mess. My sophomore year, I dropped from the musical theatre program to ‘just’ the theatre program, and proceeded to cut every part of musical theatre out of my life.
I’m serious. I mean, I’ve never even heard the whole “Wicked” soundtrack, let alone seen the show. My high school self would be appalled with me.
I have friends who have been on Broadway, and whose voices are gifts from God. When they sing, you can’t help but be transported somewhere better. I see their success and am so unbelievably happy for them. And unbelievably disappointed in myself.
Which is why, when I discovered ‘Glee’ online last week, it wasn’t my best day. I watched the season finale from last year, and the season premiere from this season, and I almost felt transported back to 1998 and all the good and bad of the hopes and dreams and utter disappointment that followed my own graduation from high school and matriculation at college.
I don’t have anyone to blame for my failure to pursue my dream except myself. Somewhere along the line, I lost my confidence and my drive. Looking back as a stronger, hardened-by-life adult, I can see where things went wrong for me. It’s sad. But it’s also life. The thing that finally watching ‘Glee’ (I avoided it for a very long time for this exact reason) did for me was to remind me that at one point in my life, I had drive and passion for something. I wanted something more, and not only did I want it, I believed I could achieve it. I think that’s what makes the people who succeed get there ~ enough arrogance combined with self-confidence and blinders to keep on pushing when everyone is saying no.
I wish I’d had that. But wishing doesn’t really get a person anywhere, does it? 🙂
snap shots
Back in August, before I fell off the map, the man and I took part in one of the coolest things I’ve done in awhile.
Diner En Blanc
We dressed in white, brought all our white accoutrement with us (yes, including tables and chairs and dishes and silverware and … well, you get the point) and enjoyed dinner al fresco with new friends in one of the coolest spots in Philly (to me ~ but I’m a sucker for the Ben Franklin Parkway …. and Logan Square situates you smack dab between the Philadelphia Art Museum and City Hall … gorgeous).
The restaurant generously catered for us, and we were lucky enough to have awesome dining neighbors, who shared smoked Cornish hen and lobster salad. We shared some French sparkling rose’, so it almost equalled out (we were the big winners … the Cornish hen was ridic).
Had I had my shiznit together, I would have talked a lot about it … but I didn’t, and life has been trucking by, faster than I’ve been prepared for it.
Here’s the thing. In July, both my mother and I (to a lesser degree) had huge health diagnosis’. And even though I would like to be half the woman my mother is – she who soldiers on with a smile, great attitude and tons of energy to spare – I, woefully, fall far short. It’s been tough ~ not necessarily due to my own health, but getting my brain securely around the truth about my mother’s health. Difficult, heart-breaking, scary, unknown, overwhelming, surreal … those are some of the words I can muster up in the moment.
So, a person definitely loses time when focused so singularly on something so utterly important.
On top of all that, football season started. And football season came with baggage this year. First, the baggage of what it means to be a Penn Stater. Second, the baggage of living with a man whose team won the Super Bowl last year. I totally understand that some people may read this and think … wait a second. She is prioritizing football right up there with health issues.
No. And yes. No, nothing in my life is even close to being a priority like my mother. I am not going to wax lyrical, but seriously – if you have had a moment in your life like this, then you can understand the level of importance and also intensity. Aka, unmatched. Buuuuut ….. Yes, football is a priority in my and the man’s life. That’s who we are, that’s what we do … it’s a part of why our relationship works so well. Mutual interests and understanding.
Additionally, Miss Lucy and I listened to part of a very interesting program on NPR a few weeks ago, and it cranked up the cogs in my brain. Essentially (and I really wish I’d written this stuff down at the time) the program was focusing on social media, and society’s new ‘obsession’ (for lack of the correct word) with appearances.
What I mean by this is that instead of people working on who they are as people, inherently, on the inside …. we, as a society, are more concerned with how we appear to be. Just stop and think about it for a minute.
Every picture, every status update, every blog post. We present to the viewing virtual world the person we want to be ~ the person we want people to think we are.
Listening to the program made me stop dead and really examine what I do, and why I do it. I had an internal battle. “Well, of course I only share the good stuff … that’s what I’m supposed to do … focus on the positive, enjoy the good parts of my life, etc etc etc …” These were some of my thoughts. Then I really began to mull it over… who did I want to be? What kind of impression does my writing leave of me … as a person?
Could I keep blogging? Or was it all a charade?
Seriously. I’m a huge overthinker. But …. something about this line of thought really struck a chord with me. Awhile ago, I got completely bent out of shape reading a generic criticism on twitter ~ but the criticism said pretty much what NPR said, just in a much snarkier way.
… Hey, look at how great my life is ~ hey, look at the awesome things I cook ~ hey, look at my adorable dog/cat/hamster/child ~ hey, look at the cool places I go to with my super cool boyfriend/fiance/husband/soul mate ~ hey, check out my awesome perfect amazing everything … blah blah blah. Trust me, no one wants to see a status/tweet/instagram/blog post about the fact that I stepped in dog do-do this evening when I took Lucy out for a potty break. It’s not cool or perfect or quirky or fun that my puppy has a sensitive digestive system and the man and I deal with her stinky ‘perfume’ and soft poos on a daily basis. It’s slightly depressing and comes across as ‘please give me some sympathy’ if I posted pictures of my three-day IV line this summer when I had to inject myself with meds every afternoon. But those are truths ~ those of part of my life. And I would rather be vulnerable on here, but honest … instead of insincere and a projection of what I think I should be.
I want to always be working on who I am on the inside, who I am inherently (and trust me, there is a lot that could use some polishing … or to begin, some heavy sanding, because it could be a two (or more??) step process…). I have a wicked temper, and I know that I don’t hide my emotions very well (I actually consciously think about this at work when I know my face looks like I-can-not-believe-you-are-saying-this-to-me and my whole body tenses … I am not proud of those moments). I also don’t want to blog because I need to ‘say’ something … because I want to ‘project’ something about who I should/want to be or … crazy thought, am. I want to blog the truth of my existence.
When I started this, I was learning to cook. I’ve gotten okay in the intermittant months from them to now. I truly enjoy being in the kitchen and preparing something for a group of people. I think some of it boils down to what made me love the stage (quick recap, I have a degree in theatre). I love the satisfaction of making something and receiving kudos because people enjoy it. That’s not the most flattering thing about me ~ but it’s honest. And I decided ~ when I opened up this blog and recommitted to it ~ that if I did nothing else, I was going to be myself. You guys have seen that lovely quote “Better to be a first-rate version of yourself than a second-rate version of someone else.” I think that includes a second-rate version of who you think you should be.
I am who I am who I am. And I want to try my darnedest to stay true to that.
On a lighter note…
The man and I are super in love with green juice. Jump on that band-wagon. It’s the bomb-diggity.
We are taking our very first vacay together next week and I am so excited I can barely concentrate. We are hopping on a plane to Jackson Hole, WY and there are so many things we want to do, I don’t know how we are going to fit it in, or what will make the cut.
What I’m sure of? A romantic dinner with the man at the Snake River Grill (the chef was a James Beard Award nominee, the menu and wine list are ridic, and I’m super duper psyched …. my wallet is not, but just this once, I am going to ignore her protestations!). I don’t know that I am going to be very productive until then, but I will try! Lucy and I have a half marathon we’re training for (okay, okay, I’m the only one running ~ but Lucy keeps me company!) and work is a crazy busy machine as we approach year end.
Ah. Life. She’s a corker.
just another day in the life
We debuted our new grill tonight for some grass-fed beef, and I have to tell you … delicious.
The grill was pretty groovy, too. We decided to take a risk and purchase an infrared grill, and we’re pretty happy with our decision. Incredible, even heat, easy set up and clean up. And … it’s portable. Wha?!? Super cool.
For dinner, we seasoned the beef with a garlic pepper rub (a favor from the wedding we attended in Boston in June) and made veggie cakes and mashed cauliflower (repeater, remember? :)). Very satisfying after a long day that included, but was not limited to, Lucy and my four mile run (at an 8.42 min mile pace, according to Nike + … yeehaw!) a long and always surprising day at work, hot yoga and some errands. By the time we sat down, whew! I was ready!
Also, we’ve been able to leave the A/C off for the last few days and not melt away, which is blissful. Real air. Mmmmm. (I get really nervous leaving Lucy alone if it seems there might be even the slightest possibility that she could get overheated, so our A/C has gotten a workout this year in ways it hasn’t in the past).
Tonight is MasterChef night, so I’m going to leave this short and sweet, a little snapshot of our day. It’s down to the final five, and I love watching the dish creations and mystery box challenges. With that, I bid you adieu until the morrow.
it’s what you make of it
Monday Morning Green Juice
4 cups baby spinach
4 peaches
watermelon (we used the trimmings from a whole melon the man had cubed up and packed for lunches)
~~~~~~~~~
One of the (many) things I’ve been learning as I read more and more about green juicing and nutrition, is that when you get right down to it, it’s completely about what works for you.
I realize that I’m not breaking new ground by stating this.
But I need to state it, because it’s my baseline for how all this is working in our lives, and it’s important for me to remember it, when things get a little challenging.
A week ago Friday, I left work and went straight to the supermarket. I bought two nice steaks, some asparagus, some portobello mushrooms and avocado. I called the man, and told him we were going to drink the nice bottle of wine sitting on our wine rack (a Thanksgiving present from my boss the first year I was with the company and a very nice bottle of vino). We’d been ‘saving’ it for a special occasion, but I wasn’t sure anymore what that occasion would be ~ and I was coming to the conclusion that I was going to have to make some changes to directly benefit my health. This was my ‘indulgent good-bye’ meal, if you will.
We had a very nice dinner, and years from now, I will look back and say I drank one of the nicest bottles of wine I’d ever owned while watching the London Olympics opening ceremonies. It’ll make for a good story.
The following Monday (only a week ago) we somewhat awkwardly began our quest to change our diet and lifestyle. It felt very challenging. and it didn’t help that we didn’t have a huge knowledge base, and were using bits and pieces of incomplete information to outline our meals. Luckily (as I mentioned before) my boss’s wife is hugely knowledgeable, and I had two very good conversations with her last week, and she shared a ton of really valuable and *more importantly* useful information.
The man and I decided we needed to do a full seven day cleanse/elimination diet (which commenced today) and which we based on recommendations from my boss’s wife. After last week, we learned two things. First, the juicing made a difference, even though we did it without any real initial understanding. And second, if we were going to do this seriously, we needed to commit to the plan, and learn from our bodies as we progressed through.
So here we are at the start. We are one day in, and I have successfully made it to the evening and am not hungry (whoopee!). We had spinach salad with cold salmon and sunflower seeds for lunch with an avocado as a snack, and for dinner, we juiced again (a mish mosh of greens and fruit ~ spinach, romaine, watermelon, peach, carrot), plus had some raw nuts and another avocado (mine from lunch was inedible, so I was glad to have a real one for din din). It is sort of crazy how satisfying the juices are, and being so conscious about eating has made me very aware how specific foods affect me.
When I have a moment (like today, thinking about triple creme brie cheese and a fresh loaf of French bread) I remember that I made this choice in the first place, and I will only be as successful as I allow myself to be. If I am not diligent and committed, then I’m self-defeating, and blame lies with me. Which, on the positive side, gives me great control. But it also requires me to find strength, motivation and conviction within myself, and that can be quite challenging at times.
As I sign off, I’m saying a little prayer that with each step forward and with each new day, the challenges become less daunting, and the rewards more sweet.
don’t be tellin’ me no porkie pies
I have to share.
A few months ago (it could have been longer … I’ve noticed that as I get older, time goes much faster, and all of sudden huge chunks have slipped by without my notice) my mother and aunt surprised me with one of my favorite foods of all time.
The English Pork Pie.
They found an English shop and ordered all sorts of food goodies that I normally only enjoy while on the island of Britain itself. Highly indulgent. Hugely decadent. Indescribably delicious on every level.
My mother ~the saucy and industrious lady that she is ~ did a large order of pork pies, English bangers, black pudding (and I’m sure other things she has not shared because she loves a good surprise) and gave the man and I half a dozen.
We had our last two for breakfast this morning. It tasted like England.
Each pie comes wrapped in paper, folded perfectly, and then labeled (in case you didn’t know which.would.be.insane, because you’re eating a pork pie in the United States of America and that in and of itself is not an every day event). I have to take a moment and just ramble a little bit about the food I love when I visit the UK. I have visited intermittently my entire life ~ I have picnicked in the Highlands of Scotland, and driven across the whole country with my mother at the wheel and my brother in the backseat learning every word to Billy Joel’s “We Didn’t Start the Fire.” I love England, feel an affinity for it that is part of my very soul; un-articulatable, deeply inherent. I love pork pies, I love English sausages, I love 99s (an ice cream treat that is simply a Cadbury’s Flake stuck into vanilla soft serve ice cream), I love Scotch eggs … I love it all.
I’m an American, please don’t mistake me ~ but that doesn’t change the roots of my mother and my father. Both have deep ties to where they are from, and how that formed who they became as people. My mother emigrated to the USA in the early ’70s, so she’s as British as as it gets over here, accent and all. My father grew up in a very Italian community in the greater Pittsburgh area, and just as I am British, I am Italian. It deeply and inherently influenced how I grew up, and who I became. I wouldn’t trade my roots and my originals for anything. And that’s saying something, because as we all learn at some point in our lives, family isn’t a fairy tale.
If you are not acquainted, pork pies are a luscious little concoction of hot water pastry wrapped around pork. My favorite part? Hard to say really, but probably the translucent pork jelly on the interior. Flavor-packed and delicious (once you get over the idea of clear-colored pork jelly, the equivalent of which I have never seen in the USA), it makes the whole pie.
Ah! Yummers!
Just writing about it makes me sad that they are no more. But with our new green juicing, and the prospect of our Seven Day Cleanse (beginning tomorrow) that essentially restricts all wheat products and many meats (including pork) I know that we did the pies justice by indulgently enjoying them on a Sunday while watching LoTR. (Yes, that’s right folks ~ this weekend was an LoTR viewing extravaganza!).
Beginning tomorrow, I’m hoping to document the man and my journey as we begin green juicing in true earnest, do a seven day (to start) elimination diet, and really focus on the meaning of healthy eating, what it means to me, and how it’s possible to transition from what is often referred to (in many of the books I’ve been reading of late) as the “Mainstream American Diet” to something … better? One of the things we both learned this past week, as we flirted with eating a mainly raw diet, was that changing the food we ate and the manner in which we ate it did drastically and immediately affect our bodies and our health. That knowledge made it much easier to commit to what we’re embarking on tomorrow.
Unfortunately, little (and delicious) pork pies don’t really fit in. But I wanted to share them anyway, because I cannot tell you how much I enjoyed every.single.solitary.bite.
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Today, after many false starts, my offices moved to our final resting place. I have to say, I have been with my company for a little over two and a half years, and the idea of permanent offices has been like an oasis in the sand. There is still a lot of organizing to do, but the thought that my work life is no longer a series of cardboard boxes is … well, I don’t think I have a suitable word. Euphoric?
I mention this because the idea of ‘settling in’ has always been a little alien to me. Growing up, we moved every few years, so unpacking all my worldly belongings from boxes, each item wrapped haphazardly in tissue paper, has never been a foreign concept.
As I sit on our couch (this evening, indulgently opened up to the size of a queen-sized bed for optimal lounging potential) and relish the moment of my man, my dog and myself relaxing in our home, I can’t help but ruminate on this point in my life timeline. Here I am, re-signing a lease for a fourth year (!!! I haven’t lived anywhere for four years since … actually, I can’t remember), raising the most beautiful little lady puppy I’ve ever met (huge commitment for any person), celebrating four plus years of getting to enjoy my life with my best friend in the whole world, and working for the same company coming up on tres anos. Could I have drifted more into ‘stasis’ than this?
Perhaps not.
And I’m okay with that.
If you’ve read this blog, you will know that I spend a lot of time dithering on ideas of fear, the unknown, growing up …. I use ‘dither’ with a smile and a wink, because I don’t want to take myself too seriously, but I also don’t want to brush it aside and eliminate any significance. Life is an amazing journey ~ some of us over think it (please cue flashing lights, signs and arrows pointing in my direction), and some of us rush through it like a bull in a china shop, just absorbing everything, living every moment to its fullest.
I am the first kind of person. My little brother, he’s the second kind.
He inspires, infuriates and provokes me. I am sure there is not another person in this world whom I love in quite the same way. It would be impossible ~ he is my only sibling. I deeply adore him; I admire how he walks through life to the beat of his own drum, how he listens to his inner monologue; how he articulates his opinions with thought, purpose and eloquence. He’s very passionate, very intelligent, and very, very infuriating.
A big sister is allowed to say that.
But no one else.
We grew up in a togetherness unlike the majority of siblings I knew. As youngsters, I remember spending a summer in the UK (the entirety of my maternal side lives there; my mother was born and grew up in Edinburgh, Scotland) and needing to be a team, as we were … dum dum dum … American. Ah, the horror! And we moved so often, we spent many a summer each other’s only friend.
I think about those times with such fondness ~ even though I know deep down, they weren’t always easy. Our last move (pre-us going to college and moving out on our own), we lived in an apartment for a few months waiting as our house was built. We shared a room in the basement, and I subjected him to repeatedly listening to The Fugees and Celine Dion. Weird combo, but I kid you not. (He also never lets me live it down). We spent that summer driving our grandmother’s Pontiac Sunfire (Sunbird? I’m not a car person…) around random streets for hours, listening to the radio. (I’d just gotten my driver’s license ~ there was no boredom in driving!). I don’t know if he remembers it the same way that I do. It doesn’t really matter. I love the memories I have.
Right now, what I think is most significant, is that out of the lumps of clay from which we were molded (and those lumps of clay had much in common) it amazes me that as adults, we are such different people. We have seen each other frequently in the past few weeks (a true anomaly, but a welcome one, in which I remembered who he was, and why it is that people love him so much) and it gave me a lot to think about**. (** See paragraph in which I specifically state “some people over think it”).
Change is inevitable (I am not breaking new ground by stating this).
Creating your own permanence ~ that’s what I’ve been learning these past five years. I say five years because it’s been about that long since my life ‘timeline’ took a little switchback and changed route a little ~ y’know, shook things up. Five years ago I was 27, and trying to get my head around my twenties, when I made a lot of wrong turns, and felt utterly confused and lost. At twenty-seven I made a spontaneous decision, it didn’t work out, I crashed and burned, and was left figuring out how to move forward.
Completely different circumstances, but that’s a little how I feel as a re-surface after this most disastrous July. Permanence, inconsistency, love, truth, family. What’s important.
Today, I pulled files out of the boxes they have been languishing in for nearly a year. I carefully placed them in drawers, and dutifully labeled folders. I spent far too much time adjusting my computer, keyboard and pen caddy on my desk (OCD much?). I set up pictures of my mother, my father and my brother on my desk; the first time I’ve ever done that. I ordered a bulletin board from Staples, and a frame for the poster I have been longing to hang on my office wall for years (battered ballet shoes). I told the man I needed a good picture of he and Lucy Lou to add to my collection.
I chose to make the office mine. I chose to believe that this office will be mine for quite some time. Taking that initiate and diving in hasn’t always been easy for me. I’m not the bull in the china shop. I hope that a year from now, I’m complaining about the very office I just moved into. I hope I still work for the company I work for today, I hope that the man and I and Lucy Lou are still lounging on our ridiculously comfy couch. I hope my little brother is still living the rockstar life in NYC, and my parents are still riding horses and golfing in Chester County. After a life of constant change, I am okay with asking for a little ‘same-ness’.
I pray that a year from today, the people who matter to me are still a phone call away. And that in the general scheme of life, not much has changed. In this day and age, that’s asking for a lot. I’m asking anyway.
starting over
I decided, when my head finally surfaced after the fiasco of a storm July turned out to be, that while I had twitching fingers, and things to say, I was going to wait and give myself a fresh slate, beginning in August.
Sometimes, life just lays you out flat, and as you stare up into the sky, assessing whether all your limbs are intact, and if you can, in fact, still see clearly and breath, time stops having a quantitative quality.
So here I am, August 1st. Dirt brushed off the shoulders, standing upright again, and ready to take on the world. Sort of.
The man and I recently (and that’s the truth ~ we’re only on day #3) began ‘green juicing.’ There is a lot of information out there on green juicing, but I am lucky enough to work for a man whose wife is super duper (technical term) educated and certified on more levels than a person can count. She sat down with me and we went through the basics and now it is up to the man and I to continue on.
Basically, in a nutshell, blah blah ~ green juicing is really good for you. Normal, everyday diets don’t tend to include enough body-nourishing food, and green juicing helps you to absorb all the goodness much faster. As I understand it, juicing separates the juice from the fiber of the plant, therefore eliminating digestion (which would normally take care eliminating the fiber) and it’s like a jolt of goodness straight into your system every time you drink juice. Huge benefits, plus plus plus right? Why isn’t everyone jumping on this immediately?
Aaaand there’s the rub…. as anyone who juices knows, juicing is pretty labor and time intensive. Which makes it a lifestyle commitment. The man and I are still working this out (as well as different juice concoctions) and it’s definitely one day at a time.
Can I be very honest and admit that after Monday, I was feeling pretty skeptical about the whole process (and pretty hungry). But by the end of the day yesterday, I was feeling really enthusiastic. I did feel better ~ even after two days, which was encouraging ~ and once you dig in, everything feels a little less intimidating.
Green juicing is good for a number of things ~ getting healthy, losing weight, staying healthy. I’m not saying I wouldn’t have been interested in learning about it outside of necessity ~ but I might not have jumped in both feet first if I hadn’t felt that in the best interests of my health, it was the best choice for me.
Like I said, July was a rager.
A few things I’ve been trying to keep in mind as I navigate this new world of liquid veggies and health ~
1. The juice and smoothies should be green. Green leafy veggies are very alkaline and water-rich, plus being full of all kinds of goodness (minerals, enzymes, etc). The whole point of green juicing and green smoothies is that they are, well, green.
2. The ratio of veggies to fruit should ideally be 3/4 vegetables to 1/4 fruit. Newbies (like the man and I) are advised to aim for at least a 50/50 ratio, because you should like what you’re drinking, not choke it down.
3. An apple can pretty much make any combination of ingredients taste drinkable. Seriously magic.
We have made several juices and green smoothies so far, but my favorite consisted of the following, put through our 450 watt GE juicer.
G & J’s First Green Juice
5 oz baby spinach
1 bundle organic carrots (I was advised that carrots with the greens still attached are the best, because they are the freshest. So that is what I used. Not sure how the taste would be affected if regular, “everyday grocery” carrots were subbed, but I’m fairly certain the juice would be palatable. I did not, as a sidenote, put the carrot greens through the juicer.)
1 golden delicious apple, cored
1. Juice! Enjoy!
The man and I have a centrifugal juicer (things get pushed down through a chute toward a whirring blade surrounded by a mesh cup), so I cut up the carrots and apple into small pieces to make it easier to feed into the chute. I juiced the spinach first, then the carrots and finally the apple. Then I pulled out all the pulp, and ran it through two more times (it netted me another 2-3 oz of juice, and I have to tell you, it was worth it).
As I said at the top, sometimes life just lays you out. And after standing back up and taking stock, sometimes changes must be made. Starting now, the man and I are making some life changes, and I’m choosing to have faith that these changes are a step in the right direction, toward a healthier ‘us.’ Hope you’re ready to go on the journey!
growing up
So, I totally get that I talk a lot about life, and transitioning, and feeling comfortable in my own skin, and fear of the unknown (even if I don’t articulate it, that’s where I’ve found most of the angst comes from … diving headfirst into something with no frame of reference …).
I over think a lot, and I over analyze everything and I constantly compare … am I doing things the right way? Am I on the right path?
I don’t know if I’ve always been this way (methinks in certain ways I have) but I know that as I come to terms with certain occurrences in my past, I also come to terms with how I have allowed my reactions to emotionally manifest themselves. Before I start happily skipping down memory lane (ahem, ugh) ~ I’m going to stop and just state the important truth I faced down recently. Sometimes, fueled by nerves (perhaps an understatement for ‘fear’ … but I’m trying to cut myself a little slack!) I try to control things in a vice-like grip. I feel as though if I can just anticipate and schedule and plan and just know.exactly.what’s.coming.at.all.times, then I won’t be surprised, caught off guard, or -as it went down once- have my entire life ripped out from underneath me.
It can be a bit exhausting. And it takes away the simple pleasure of small surprises.
However, today, I surprised myself a little bit, and it made my whole day. The man and I have been struggling to get into better routines involving food ~ aka, actually preparing lunches for work on Monday, instead of getting around to it on Thursday. And cooking relatively healthy dinners. This blog was really helpful in the beginning, but I was just learning to cook, so most recipes I had to research, and then buy ingredients for ~ and it ended up dominating our entire evening, because I didn’t really have a frame of reference or any dexterity with cooking.
This weekend, after doing some kitchen updating, I made a comprehensive grocery list that included lunch components and multiple mix and match dinner options. Today, both the man and I had lunch and for dinner, we had fresh pasta with diced tomatoes, asparagus and baby portobello mushrooms made with EVOO, lots of garlic, S & P and some seasoning we received from a wedding a few weeks ago (excellent Chicago spice shop favored by the bride and groom). I also made some breaded chicken breasts. And we sat down to a delicious meal by 8.30p (I didn’t escape from work until nearly 7pm ~ oy!).
(Sidenote: I’m an avid “Good Housekeeping” reader, and this evening, as I prepared dinner in the newly decked out kitchen, using a little bit of this and that to create a meal, I had this hilarious moment when I knew this was the exact moment that I felt I earned the “Good Housekeeping” seal of approval. It still makes me crack up thinking about it. )
So the thing is ~ this evening I loosened my grip a little and just trusted myself, and voila, we had food and nobody died. It probably sounds silly, but it was such a rush for me. Life is still pretty intimidating, and I’m still going to try to control as much of it as I can. But as I slowly regain my footing and believe in myself, the ‘diving headfirst into something with no frame of reference’ begins to feel a little less terrifying.
hello, conscience
I had an interesting day today.
No need to expand on that. Let’s just think of it as the ‘conditions’ of the experiment.
And, after a two week hiatus (due to the Chef’s Event last week) I was back at yoga today. I’m not sure what the best expletive is for class tonight ~ WTF?!? or Wow!!!
When I rolled up, I knew I needed to hit up the mat. I didn’t know it would be so tough. And today’s meditation was a goodun’. It was the idea that other people’s thoughts of you help you to identify where you are getting stuck ~ it helps you find the path to enlightenment by becoming aware and understanding of your own personal short-comings.
Urgh. That’s a whole mind-full! (Mine-field? What? I kid, I kid!).
I have a boat-load on that whole subject, but mostly tonight wasn’t about my ‘interesting’ day at work, or my incredibly challenging yoga class (which, btw, I completely adore, and missed SO MUCH last week ~ urgh, work!). Tonight was about the very long and intense discussion the man and I had while folding laundry/making dinner.
We talked about life, and careers/jobs, and the fulfillment aspect of whatever it is one is doing for living. It was thought-provoking, because life isn’t about what other people think equals success ~ life, your own life, should be about what feels like success to you. It’s a wee bit difficult to articulate exactly the feelings and thoughts we discussed because it was a long and in-depth convo, but I guess the bottom line is this ~ where a person’s priorities lie tend to dictate the course of their life. As in ~ if following the generally accepted timeline of adulthood is important, then the man and I are woefully behind schedule. But if that’s not #1 on our list? Well, then … theoretically, the world is our oyster.
And luckily for us ~ we’re in oyster territory. Which makes me smile.
recap
So, last week was a pretty crazy and fun week for the man and I ~ and it was only dampened by the fact that, true to form (I have silly bad luck), my nearly brand new MacBook Pro needed not only a new battery, but a new hard drive, at the tender age of 3 months.
So I wasn’t able to blog at all, which was a huge bummer.
Because …. !!!!
Not only did we have The Chef Event last Tuesday ~ which was a ton of fun, despite being completely underwater with the constantly pouring rain (no worries ~ it was held inside!) ~ but, it was the year anniversary of Ambler Symphony’s concert at Hope Lodge. This year, the man was able to join me, and once again we brought some yummy cheese and charcuterie from the restaurant, and two bottles of really good wine (everyone make note ~ if you haven’t tried a rose yet ~ run to the liquor store and get Charles & Charles Syrah Rose from Washington State ~ you will not be sorry!).
On Thursday ~ and I know you’re not going to believe it ~ but we had our neighbors over for dinner, and I actually cooked. No cheating involved ~ except for the taco seasoning! 😉
We had antelope burritos with cilantro sour cream and homemade guacamole. In general, pretty successful, although I was a little bummed out that the sour cream didn’t reflect the cilantro flavor the way I wanted it to ~ I guess there’s always next time.
On Friday (yes, I know, we’re social butterflies! ~ haha) we spent the evening enjoying FriEndsDay (a twist on WeHangsDay when Wednesday’s don’t work out) ~ and excellent grilled Orange Ruffy with mango salsa, and sides of Israeli couscous and summer squash. We even squeezed in a fire pit ~ niiiice!
Saturday was our first weekend at home in a few weeks, so we reverted to some of our favorite things ~ a long hike with Lucy in Valley Green, and then we headed into the restaurant to do some taste-testing of nightly specials (oh, go on, twist my arm!). After dinner, we discovered a pretty amazing beer ‘haven’ a few blocks away ~ where our bartender proceeded to instruct me on a variety of brews, and hops in general. So incredibly knowledgeable ~ I could have sat and learned all night, but I couldn’t keep drinking beer!
Sunday was a day for us ~ I was a little under the weather, and spent most of the day cuddled on the couch with my puppy, who was very accommodating and smelling deliciously of puppy. Have you ever seen “Rise of the Planet of the Apes”? If you haven’t, you should. Really enjoyable piece of cinema.
And that brings us back to Monday. Today was comfortingly ‘boring’ in it’s normalcy. Lucy and I did four miles this morning, and this evening, the man and I grocery shopped and did a strength-training workout before sitting down to watch Master Chef . Ah, suburban life!
Before I sign off and climb into bed ~ I just want to send a very Happy Birthday message out to Minda. She’s a birthday diva like me, so I hope today was a great kickstart to her summer of freedom (#teacherenvy!). Happiest of happy, my friend.
D5 Creation