insanity & shaun t
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an eeyore kind of day
So I was little grumbly yesterday, and this morning, I woke up and felt just as gray. Lots of stuff is going on, and lots of things need to be done, and I feel totally wiped out physically and emotionally. The culprit, I believe, is stress.
Luckily, a GOOP newsletter arrived today, and it was speaking straight to me. Ways to deal with stress were addressed (and not expensive ways ~ real, I-can-do-this-immediately kind of ways) and so I’m going to try them all out.
1. Eat Well & Exercise. I had an appointment this morning to have the MINI taken care of for state inspection, but we had a little hurdle (the wrong glass was ordered) and now the tech is coming back this afternoon. So Shaun T. and I are going to get going in a few minutes. Hopefully, it perks me up a bit. I’m feeling like a wilted flower. Then, I’m going to have some oatmeal. And I’m NOT going to eat lots of sugar (altho’ I might dive into a Starbucks like none other. The jury is still out on that one).
2. Breathe. I’m going to try to breathe every time I feel myself begin to panic (work stuff. ugh.) to attempt to keep myself from turning into a pretzel of anxiety.
3. I’m going to follow the instructions for finding pressure points on my feet and forehead to help alleviate some stress. I’ll let you know how it goes.
4. I’m going to balance my checkbook. There is very little in the world that makes me feel as though my house is in order as much as balancing the checkbook, and filing all the paperwork, and having a clean, organized desk. (This was not a GOOP piece of advice, just me knowing myself well enough to know it’ll calm me down!)
5. The final section of my GOOP newsletter talked about water, and it’s calming affects. I don’t have a bath, but I do have a nice shower, and I will be enjoying that after I sweat my butt off during ‘Insanity.’
The most powerful statement in the section though, wasn’t about water at all.
The author, Monica Berg, wrote, “We are all aware of the negative effects on our lives of having a lack of certainty and thoughts of doubt. In fact, there is biology behind it, and a growing body of scientific evidence that suggests certainty can bring us good health.”**
**The bold is my editorial addition.
Reading that was an “Ah ha!” moment for me. So it isn’t in my head ~ I probably do feel physically better for being settled and certain in parts of my life. I know that I feel more motivated and more confident when life feels more secure.
I guess that’s what I’m struggling with today. My house is in chaos. My office is in chaos. The company I work for is in chaos. My car is in chaos.
So all I can say right now is …
Shaun T. ~ it better be a good workout.
good day, late night
Oh, Shaun T., if only you knew my conflict of emotions on a daily basis due to your Insan(ity) workouts. The Doozer was back again (I’m beginning to think it’s related to a particular workout that requires an excess of high jumps and stress on the knees) which put a damper on things. I like to feel as though each time I do a workout, I’m progressing, and I didn’t get that satisfaction today. I really struggled, and my knee really bothered me. I’m a little bummed about it.
Two positives (to counteract the negativ-o):
Today, when I donned my workout pants, I got a little thrill in the fact that either (a) I’ve begun to slim down, or (b) our dryer has stopped ‘shrinking’ all my clothing (you know what I mean if you know what I mean).
And fortunately, I didn’t have any issues on our evening walk, which perked me up to no end. A few days ago during our walk I got such a searing pain in my Achilles that I momentarily wondered how long it would take John to hurry home and get the car to come get me. I ended up toughing it out. But ugh.
Upon returning home, I got to work making another yum yum dinner creation that I decided I was craving ridiculously yesterday. The only reason we didn’t have it last night was due to our lack of on-hand prosciutto (that was cleverly obtained today from work). 
Halfway through prep our landlords stopped by. Unbeknownst to us, the plumbing project they have undertaken has now encroached on our space, which means people in and out starting at absurd times in the morning, lots of loud noises, and huge, gaping holes in our walls. Craziness.
Long story short, we didn’t sit down to eat & watch our DVR’d episode of ‘Master Chef’ until 10pm. However, it was worth the wait.
Chicken Saltimbocca a la Williams Sonoma
I used 2 chicken breasts, pounded thin and cut in half (aka, 4)
Salt & Pepper (fresh ground is preferable, but let’s not be fussy!)
1/3 cup all purpose flour
2 Tbsp butter (the recipe called for unsalted, which I didn’t have ~ and it came out just fine with regular ol’ sweet cream salted butter)
1 Tbsp Extra Virgin Olive Oil (I did actually use EVOO, but I’m sure you could sub)
A handful of fresh basil leaves
A pinch dry basil (per chicken breast)
2 large slices of prosciutto (trimmed to fit chicken breasts)
1/4 lb fresh mozzarella (thinly sliced and trimmed to fit chicken breasts)
3/4 cup dry white wine (Sauvignon Blanc or Pinot Grigio
(Two of my favorite cooking ingredients!)
What to do~
1. Rub ground pepper and salt into pounded chicken breasts.
2. Spread flour out into a dish, and dredge chicken breasts, coating evenly and making sure to shake off extra. Set chicken aside.
3. In a large saute pan, heat olive oil and 1 tbsp butter over medium heat. When sufficiently hot, add chicken breasts. Cook on first side until golden brown (approx. 6 mins); flip over and cook until firm in the middle (about 4 minutes). You can check by pressing on the center. 
4. Reduce the heat to low. Sprinkle dried basil on each breast, and then top each chicken breast with a piece of prosciutto, a slice of mozzarella and a basil leaf. Cover the pan tightly and allow to cook until the cheese melts (the recipe says about 1 1/2 minutes but it took me a bit longer because my saute pan is a little deeper. Just keep an eye on it!)
5. Once the mozzarella is melted, transfer to a serving platter and cover with aluminum foil (make sure to tent it to avoid the cheese sticking to the foil).
6. Return heat to high. Add 3/4 cup wine and deglaze the pan (aka, scrape all the good stuff from the pan and make sure it’s mixing with the wine to create an intense sauce!)
7. Boil until the wine reduces to about 1/4 cup (I guessed on this, but the recipe says approx 3 mins).
8. Remove from heat, and whisk in the remaining tbsp of butter. Drizzle over chicken breasts. 
9. Serve immediately! (By the time I was done, John was so relieved that there was no ‘resting’ time, or waiting).
It’s kinda rich (and totally outside my healthy eating perameters … but OH. SO. GOOD!) We tried to balance it out with some fresh tomato, but then we added avocado (remember, it’s hard for me to say no to avo) … and it was a most amazing supper! 
monday monday, so good to me
I woke up later than usual today, due to an abnormally late evening yesterday (totally worth it, I will add). And even though it’s Monday, I felt good about getting back into my weekday routine. I have begun to miss working out on the weekends (very strange feeling, but a good one!) so it was refreshing to get up, do some work, and then gear up for ‘Insanity.’ Today was Max Cardio Conditioning ~ no breaks between moves ~ and even though it’s shorter than the other two workouts, it still kicks my butt. But … it felt nice to work up a sweat and get moving.
I also wholly enjoyed my double bowl of crispy oats this a.m. I know I should be eating oatmeal (and I like oatmeal, really I do! ~ except I call it porridge) but there is something so comforting to me about the crispy oat flavor and the cool, delicious milk of cereal that totally makes my morning. And today, because I was ravenous yet again, I had two bowls. Whoops! I’m trying really hard not to have seconds, and to be aware of portion sizes when I eat … but the cereal was too tempting this morning for me to pass it up.
Yesterday, as I may have mentioned, was the man’s birthday. So for the momentous occasion, I went a little bananas about dessert (he loves it).
My original plan had been to make cupcakes (I never liked them as a child, and then a few years ago, a chef made some amazing cupcakes as a farewell present for a departing manager … and I fell in love with the ‘mini-cake’). But when I mentioned this plan to the man, he made a face. So I decided on brownies. He perked up a bit, but still looked a little sullen, so I gently inquired.
“What about my strawberry shortcake?” He pouted. Of course, I wanted to smack myself on the forehead, his mother always makes him strawberry shortcake for his birthday.
“I thought you only liked your mom’s?” I asked, tentatively.
“Well, hers is the best … but I’d still like strawberry shortcake. It’s my birthday.”
So that settled it. There would be strawberry shortcake. Early in the afternoon, I headed to the supermarket to pick up necessities. We were barbecuing, and we needed more corn on the cob (** Time out. There are a couple things in the summer that I could eat every day. Corn on the cob is one. Fresh tomatoes ~ especially heirloom tomatoes ~ right out of the garden and still warm from the sun are another. I CANNOT say no to corn on the cob. I eat so much it’s surprising that I haven’t turned into one). We also needed strawberries and angel food cake for John’s Strawberry Shortcake, and some other random items, like dishwasher pellets (I know, very exciting stuff).
When I got to the produce department, you could have knocked me over with a feather. There, nestled in front of the boxes and boxes of strawberries, was fresh rhubarb. Without thinking, I piled it into a bag. I know this is going to sound funny, but I rarely, if ever, see fresh rhubarb. And it’s impossible to find it frozen (I tried once when I wanted to make a cherry rhubarb pie for Thanksgiving … needless to say, we didn’t have a cherry rhubarb pie that year ~ just cherry. So much for being ambitious!)
As a child, there were two things my English Granny made better than anyone. Raspberry fluff (I don’t have anything to compare it to~ it’s impossible to describe, and utterly delectable) and rhubarb crumble. Oh, how I loved those things when we were visiting her. She would make them for my brother and I every night if we asked (which we were not supposed to, but usually did) because we did not see her regularly. Going to England, for me, is still all about fitting in the food I loved as a child that you can’t find in the US (English sausages are a top favorite, as well as pork pies ~ I probably gain 10 lbs every time I’m there. Yum yum delish).
So now, I was manned with fresh rhubarb, and I was utterly determined to make a crumble for John (you know, in addition to the strawberry shortcake and brownies). I spoke with my mother, who very kindly emailed me the recipe. And I set to work.
I know, you probably thought this was going to be about the strawberry shortcake (and yes, I did call John’s mom to make sure that I was making it correctly). But it’s not.
When the crumble was finally done, John and I each had a piece topped with a generous dollop of Cool Whip (you just can’t commonly find heavy, clotted cream like you would serve in England, so I subbed the Cool Whip and my arteries are probably thanking me). It immediately took me back to my Granny’s dining room table twenty years ago. The rhubarb is pretty tart, so the cool whip and the sugary crumble topping mostly balance it out, but I will say that I now understand why rhubarb is usually paired with a sweeter fruit like strawberry, cherry or apple.
However, I’m going to share this recipe in its pure form, as a tribute to my Granny and my memories of Northumberland as a child.
Granny’s Rhubarb Crumble
For the filling:
2 lbs fresh rhubarb (thoroughly cleaned ~ ends cut off and discarded, and chopped into 1″ pieces)
3/4 cup brown sugar
1 tsp. spice mixture (nutmeg, cinnamon, ground cloves)
For the crumble:
1 & 1/2 cup all purpose flour, sifted
1 cup butter
1/2 cup sugar (you can use white for a cakier crumble, and brown for a crispier one)
Sprinkle of ground cloves and cinnamon.
Here’s What to Do:
Preheat oven to 400 degrees.
1. Toss the 1″ pieces of rhubarb with the brown sugar and spice mix.
2. Put all that fruit goodness into a 13″ x 9″ greased Pyrex dish.
3. Put aside. Time to make crumb topping!
4. In a bowl, sift 3/4 cup flour. Add butter in pieces. If you have a pastry blender, rub flour and butter together until it gets flaky. Once that happens, you can add in the sugar. Keep blending until it begins to cling together like crumbs.
5. I used a fork for all that fun blending because I do not have a pastry blender. But the results were pretty much the same …
6. Once I was fully satisfied with the crumbly nature of my topping, I spread it over the rhubarb. The first time, I didn’t make enough, so I had to make a second helping. (**The above are correct ingredient measurements for the doubled version of the crumble topping).
Next up, cooking time!
First, cook for 15 minutes at 400 degrees. Then lower the oven temperature to 375, and cook for 15 additional minutes. Once the rhubarb crumble is done, allow to cool, but still serve warm with a dollop of cool whip.
If the crumble fully cools, then set the oven to 225 and allow the dish to warm up for about 10 -15 minutes (depending on how warm/hot you want that rhubarb!)
*** A good alternative to the tartness of a full rhubarb crumble is using 1 lb rhubarb, and two containers of diced strawberries or two cored, peeled and sliced apples.
John & my bowls…
Delish!
day tre of part deux
I have very little to say at the moment, except the Doozer is back in my knee, and this time, he is wielding a pointy sword.
I’m trying not to be discouraged at how difficult these workouts are. I’m trying to dig deep (as my guru Shaun T. reminds us all) and remember that way back at the beginning, I found the old workouts hard, too.
Dear Fitness Gods everywhere, and those of low body fat and overdeveloped muscles that all humans possess but few work out to chiseled definition ~ please give me a sign that all this pain & sweat is doing more than generating ample amounts of laundry everyday in the form of sports bras, workout shorts, tees, socks and bandannas (to hold back my too-short-to-pull-back-with-a-gum-band hair) and making simple activities (such as bending down to pick something up, or merely sitting in a chair) challenging.
I’ll be here, waiting patiently, sprawled across my living room floor, while I try to gather enough strength to crawl to the shower.
the gig is up
Ok.
I don’t mean to rant, but seriously, this workout is killing me.
I mean, it’s probably not killing me per se (shh! I may even be getting in shape), but it certainly feels that way currently, as my body tries to tell me repeatedly, in many ways, that I’m too old to abuse it like this.
It’s like a Doozer from Fraggle Rock is tapping away on the inside of my knee cap, constantly clearing his throat as if to say, “You do understand you are not 18 any more? These joints are no longer brand new, and they don’t bounce back the way you remember. Just a little reminder!” Tap, tap, tap! “You should have been more diligent about staying in shape in the first place!” Tippity tap tap tap!
Yesterday it was my hip that felt displaced from the absurd exercise combinations that Shaun T. casually throws into the workouts. (I’ve decided, in my moments of pure frustration, that he and a bunch of other people with 0% body fat get together in a room, and try to answer the following question: “What’s the most difficult combination of completely unrelated moves that you can put together and I can add to my aptly titled ‘Insanity’ workout?”). Today, the amount of jumping and hopping made my knee throb. I mean, seriously, have you EVER heard of squat push-ups? Just an FYI, they aren’t easy. I’d try to narrow down the absurd moves for you, but at this point in the program, it’s all bananas.
Some of my favs (in no particular order) include:
1. Power push-ups
2. Power Jumps (these are SO much fun, Shaun T. is kind enough to bring to our attention that not even the peeps in the video like ’em)
3. Balance Push Ups (as if the power ones where you’re expected to jump up at the top of each push up weren’t bad enough, he came up with these for the end of the workout when, I’m guessing, most normal people are wondering if they still have full function of their arms).
4. Floor hops (I don’t even think I am doing them correctly. I certainly don’t feel my abs working the way Shaun T. implies they should).
As I hobbled around work today (and limped around the neighborhood during our walk this evening) I wondered what the purpose of the first four weeks were. I mean, I am just as sore now as I was after Day #1. And in those work outs, you do moves you’ve heard of before (like, just regular ole squats and lunges … fancy that!) So how can they possibly prepare you for wide floor sprints combined with moving push-ups and squat push ups? It’s all bananas.
I had a moment today when I was pretty sure I was going to have to sit down (those are not good moments) and at that particular time, Shaun T. made some crazy statement about how today’s workout was probably better than last week, and we should be happy & proud about our progress. I thought fleetingly of Core Cardio Balance, my 60% workout of last week, and felt a wave of nostalgia. No, I wanted to say, but didn’t have the energy, I don’t think this week is better than last week.
But… I am hoping that next week is better than this one.
my daily dates with Shaun T.
Today, Shaun T. and I had a fundamental difference of opinion. He thought the workout was fun, and I did not.
Last week was a nice reprieve from the usual daily grind of a high energy, ridiculous & fairly difficult workout. My ankles ~ which were hurting in the weirdest place ~ felt better after a few days of rest, and even thanked me by not complaining when I decided to wear shoes other than flip flops. (I have sprained, twisted … well, pretty much abused my ankles in every way possible -other than breaking!- throughout my life of playing soccer, taking an abundance of dance classes, and generally being somewhat of a clutz).
So this morning I geared up to rejoin the rat race that is ‘Insanity.’ I was well-rested, well-fed, and had enough pent-up frustration with a little thing called work to (I felt) sustain me throughout the workout.
I was wrong.
First of all, the initial 4 weeks of ‘Insanity’ are not easy. I can assure you of that. But these new workouts? I have choice words reserved for what just happened during that 60 minute DVD of craziness. And none of them are positive right now.
At one point, my legs felt like jelly and when I checked the clock, instead of only having about 15 minutes left (my usual … oh please let this be over soon check-in time during the first few weeks) there were 39. Whole. Minutes. Left. I’m speechless except to say … INSANE.
This shiz, it’s more than bananas.
I will say that last week’s Rest Workout (Core Cardio Balance) wasn’t totally easy, but it did discombobulate me a bit. When I work out, I like to either work out hard, or not work out at all (there’s very little gray area). So doing a workout that felt like 60% was challenging. Add to this that we didn’t have cheerios in the house all last week (I could have gone to Acme to buy some, but I prefer generic Cheerios from Aldis, so I was waiting to make the trip this past weekend with John cuz Aldis isn’t exactly around the corner) and the whole week felt off. At least now, all feels right again.
I began the day with my Crispy Oats. I endured an entire ‘Insanity’ work out and didn’t pass out on the living room floor only to be found hours later by John arriving home from work and confused that he hasn’t heard from me all day. (Obsess much, I ask myself?)
I have every intention of indulging in my last great vice ~ Soy Chai Latte from Starbucks ~ on my way into the city this afternoon. I think that getting beat up by Shaun T. via DVD is a totally great excuse to treat myself to a drink that has more calories than some fast food burgers.
My philosophy ~ if I start saying no to Starbucks now, at some point in the future, I’ll hole myself up with gallons of soy milk and chai concentrate, and drink it all until I make myself sick. At least it’s not cigarettes or drugs, right?
Plus, something’s gotta keep me motivated not to stand Shaun T. up tomorrow morning. I’m gonna keep these dates for another 4 weeks. And then the whole workout can go back on the shelf for awhile, until I feel motivated again in a few months. I mean, even Shaun T. needs a break every once in awhile, right?
this shiz is bananas!
A few weeks ago, I woke up and realized, with full clarity, that something needed to be done about my physical fitness. Now, let me say something before the eyes begin to roll, and you start scrolling to something else. I’m not the size of a house. BUT … I have been quite a bit smaller in earlier years. Like, let’s say, just for giggles, 3 dress sizes. And now that I’m in my 30’s, it’s a little harder to get back on track and stay there.
In my moment of realization, I had to come to terms with the fact that sitting at a desk all day, eating lots of food (because I love it and it’s all SOOOO good) and not really exercising on a consistent basis is an equation that not uncommonly equals weight gain. This meant two things that were as appealing to me as eating ketchup. I’d have to watch the portion sizes of what I ate, and I’d have to make a conscious effort to begin and maintain a fitness regime.
Here’s the thing about me. I will be dead serious about something for about, oh, let’s say, two weeks. And then, I get really serious about something else (I’m hoping that’s not the case with this blog, which I am finding more and more ridiculously addictive by the day).
So on this day of infamy a few weeks ago, I opened up my bottom drawer (that which houses all my ratty workout clothing) and dug around for some gear. I half-heartedly pulled it on, tied my hair back (this was pre-cutting-it-so-short-I-can’t-pull-it-back and … now it’s 99 degrees outside not taking into consideration the oppressive humidity and the whole not-being-able-to-pull-it-back thing is turning out to be a little inconvenient … but that’s another ramble) and jumped on the ancient stationary bicycle in our living room. I may be mistaken, but I think that said bicycle (now relegated to the garage due to one of the joints cracking after a week of intense riding) could have qualified as an antique. When Ole Orange broke (I just named him now, for his fabulous ’70s orange style), I could have used it as the perfect excuse to just give up on the maintenance of the workout program. I mean, wasn’t it a message that he broke?
But then I realized that not working out meant actually sticking to my 1200 calorie-a-day diet plan, which is pretty hard. With work outs, I usually earned myself a couple hundred more calories, and that made all the difference. Plus, did I want to whine all the time about how crappy I felt … or did I want to actively do something to change it?
I picked actively change.
I got my iPod out. I found my arm band. I talked myself up about how great a jog would feel after all this time. But ~ I kid you not ~ the iPod was frozen. Sure, the jog would be great. But without any musical motivation, I was starting to feel really hesitant. I looked around the living room, and spied the small blue CD case that housed my worst fitness nightmare. I pulled it from its dusty shelf.
Shaun T.’s Insanity Work Out.
Eight weeks of pure cardio h*ll in the comfort of your own living room.
This shiz … it’s bananas.
The workouts aren’t long (in the first half at least … I’ve never gotten through weeks 5-9) but they are brutal. And there’s always Shaun T, smiling and jogging, and talking about imagining holding potato chips between your fingers (this is to ‘relax’ your hands). The man is bananas.
I have conversations with Shaun T. during the 37 – 41 minutes of torture I endure six days a week. He asks the camera questions, and I think it’s for all of us at home cursing his very existance to respond in indignation (that is, when you’ve been doing the program long enough to be able to breath). Let me tell you, when Shaun T. laughingly says during the warm up stretch that he’s nervous about the workout to come … you KNOW there’s a problem.
I will say that I have been using the word bananas much more frequently, and not in reference to yellow fruit. The entire program is bananas. So far, Shaun T. has only categorized the Pure Cardio as bananas (he proclaims this during the miniscule break you get after fifteen straight minutes of cardio intensity), but I apply it to all the workouts.
However … despite the pain and frustration … the best part of the Insanity workouts are the results. Because as hard as it is, and as much as I hate Shaun T. every morning when I flip on the DVD player, I love him when the workout ends. Yeah, sure, I’m a hot sweaty mess. But even in the few short weeks I’ve been rocking out with the Insanity peeps, I’ve lost weight, I feel stronger, and I have way more energy. Having results like that make it worth doing workouts that even the instructor claim are … you know it … bananas!
I’m at the start of Week 4 (next week is my reprieve, aka ‘rest week’ ~ hallelujah!). I’m nervous about what’s to come. But I’m in it now ~ so keep your fingers crossed for me that I survive!
D5 Creation