Life has a funny way of surprising you.

Case in point — I am not a FB stalker by nature.  In general, people I’m no longer friends with, people whose paths have diverged from my own — I’m not all that interested in creeping about online trying to find out how their lives have progressed.  Not because I wish them any ill will, but more because there’s no need, no point really, in trying ti find out information that has no relevance to one’s own life.  If I was still invested in that friendship, I would know how lives were because I would speak with my friend.

That being said, I’m also not entirely immune to good old-fashioned curiosity.

Let me also say, there are several women from my past whom I am no longer in contact with and for the most part, the reasons for those choices are extremely valid.

But on Friday, as I scrolled through some photos, I happened upon a person I haven’t had any contact with for several years, and I admit, I was curious.

My limited discoveries made me think long and hard about life choices, about why certain people remain friends, and others do not.  And, I have to admit, it made me feel glad that I no longer have a relationship with the aforementioned person.

We all, in our lives, come to many crossroads. Decisions have to be made, and in those decisions parts of our character are revealed.  Do I choose to follow my dreams or make a living (and do those things have to be mutually exclusive?) — and how do those choices help form the human being I am.  Do I choose the easy way or the hard way?  And why — because sometimes the easy choices are wise and sometimes, the hard way is the honest, decent, moral way.

I examined the changes that I noticed in this person, the choices in life this person has apparently made — and I knew deep down that as humans, we do not value or prioritize the same things.  And that also reinforced that the decision to end our friendship was the right one.

My life is a huge amalgamation of the choices I’ve made, the people who influenced me, the things I value, the morals I hold, the goals I strive for — the man I married, the brother I love, the parents who raised me, the mistakes I’ve learned from, the disease that inhabits my body … You get my point.

I’m proud of where I’ve found myself — of the business I’ve helped to shape, of the friendships I am privileged to enjoy, of the races I’ve run, the food I’ve cooked, the knowledge that I try to grow every day.  And I know that each of us makes choices every day about how we want to live — do we drink alcohol, eat meat, drink water, exercise, pursue hobbies, etc etc.  This person who I am no longer friends with — she always gave me the impression that she didn’t approve of my life, of my choices, of my job/career, my relationships.  I don’t know that I ever felt that way about her — she seemed to make smart decisions, and she had the foundation of a very happy life and family the last time we spoke.  But now, doing a little check-in years later, I was surprised by some of the paths she chose to walk and it brought into sharp focus that whatever disapproval she had for me probably came from her own insecurities and had very little to do with my actual life.

I am the first to admit that I didn’t follow the easiest path to where I am.  Somehow, despite some terrible life choices, I’ve ended up in a good place, with an amazing support group.  I’m not the best at keeping in touch.  I’m selfish.  Not in a terrible way, but in a real way.  I know that.  But I’m also fairly resourceful, and thanks to the inherent spirit of my mother, I tend to look on the bright side of life.  Even if it doesn’t seem to exist.  Having a moment when I realized that I no longer needed to feel cowed by a person years and miles away in relevance — it was refreshing and relieving.  If also a little absurd.

So that’s my tangent for today.  My snuggly pup is rolling around on the carpet and the man is researching for his upcoming trip Out West.  It’s a nice Sunday.  I’m going to go make some popcorn and watch more Star Trek.  🙂