Today has not been my best day.

I realized — and I’m not sure at what point — but all of a sudden I knew that today was an anniversary.  And not necessarily a good one.

Two years ago today I was diagnosed with MS.  It has most definitely been a journey since then — things not really changing, and then things changing irrevocably.

We all have our burdens.  One of my favorite sayings is that if everyone threw their problems into a pile and then were told to pick something back up, we’d all pick up our own troubles.  Or — the devil you know is better than the devil you don’t.  Point is still the same.  We’d rather carry that with which we are familiar.  Prior to having MS (ahem, prior to being diagnosed with MS — clearly I’d had it for a long time) I never would have voluntarily picked MS up off a pile of woes.  I would have taken family drama, bad career decisions, horrible relationship choices –you know, things I’d dealt with in the past and had some familiarity with.

Today tears slipped down my nose and landed on my lap as I typed to my husband (sidenote: Skype is our friend) — my biggest fear is the day I realize that that particular January 21st marks the moment when I’ve lived with MS longer than I’ve lived without it.  Granted, I’ll be sixty-six, and hopefully much better adjusted with a much stronger sense of humor — but that moment still scares me.  He did a great job of cheering me up — reminding me that I was being absurdly morose.

And I wiped my eyes, and shook my head and told myself to get it together — that I was stronger than all this crapola.  And then John was home, and things felt a little less bleak, and my breath evened out, and I realized — it’s just another day.

And what I should be really disappointed about was the supreme lack of snow after major forecast build-ups.  And that I have the best husband, and the cutest dog — and amazing co-workers, and fantastic family.  And the blessings vastly outweigh the burdens.

But — in the deepest, darkest part of my heart — that doesn’t take away the MS.  And that’s the truth.