As I waited for this page to open up and finally allow me to type, a million things flew through my brain.  How much I just wanted to sleep, how dedicated I am to blogging even when I have nothing to say — most importantly that I have nothing to say and no direction —what the actual point of this blind determination is in the grand scheme of things ….

I thought about our afternoon and how as humans, we all choose who we spend time with in odd ways — but shouldn’t we choose other people who bring us joy?  Who light up at the same things as us — good conversation, debate, laughter …. Or whatever floats each person’s boat.  Shouldn’t we spend time with people we trust?

If I am devoted to coming to this space every day (ahem, night) shouldn’t I at least have a hazy outline of an idea?  Because just coming here and verbally vomiting on the page doesn’t serve anyone very much.  Am I serving myself?  In any other way than proving I don’t always quit?  I’m not sure.  Am I serving anyone who actually commits to reading?  I’d say no, as my posts are as random as a moment in anyone’s brain – disjointed, short, long, rambling … but mostly seemingly pointless.

Anyway.  I couldn’t go to sleep without blogging.  And somehow, I feel as though that’s a win.

Xox, g