Some days I don’t feel well and I know what the issue is.  I ate something wrong, I didn’t sleep well, etc etc.  Today I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.  But it was an MS-y kind of day.  Aches and pains and stiffness and fatigue.  One of those days where I’m working hard just to be human.

When I was first diagnosed I swore I wasn’t going to change anything about my life.  I wasn’t going to let this disease change me, change the things I loved, change the shape of things.  But life changes the shape of things, we learn and we grow and we make better decisions.  Some of us get pushed in that direction, but I think most of us eventually get there.

I’ve known for a long time I was going to have to make big diet changes (ones that I sincerely don’t want to make – hence dragging my feet).  Today reaffirmed it with a vengeance.  As I sat in the darkness of the movie theatre and reconciled with myself that I knew exactly what was making my digestive system revolt; I could either continue to suffer or make the changes I need to make.  I felt both sad and resigned.  And painfully, painfully tired.

Adulting is hard work.  Whether it’s making responsible financial decisions, or changing my diet, I find it a struggle every day.  Where do I compromise, where do I stand firm?  What’s worth it and what isn’t … and what are the consequences.

It’s a little after seven at night and I’m calling it a day.  I’m flat out exhausted, my body is spent, and there is no reserve of energy to pull from.  Today is done.

Xox, g