It’s very hard to think about much else than the pain, fatigue and brain fog when I have a headache.  And because I get them so frequently, I have learned some coping mechanisms and ways to get through the days … but I have yet to figure out how to make their duration shorter (its usually a solid 48 hours or more) or how to lessen the pain.

I don’t want to talk about pain and headaches and exhaustion and MS every two or four weeks.  It’s boring and repetitive and really, how much more is there to say?  (Hint: Not much).  But when I’m in it, I’m in it.  And the past few days I’ve been really, really in it.  One of my worst headaches in awhile.  Unendurable pain (which of course, is endured because what is the alternative?), inability to sleep and a very effed up digestion due to pain meds and most foods making me want to vomit.  (Don’t worry, I never lose weight, much to my chagrin).  Lucy even went to stay with her Zia and Noni because I was unable to take care of her, and John has been gone taking care of his Dad every day since Saturday.

I want to sleep tonight, so very desperately that it’s hard to articulate.  I want to sleep and wake up tomorrow on the other side of the pain.  Able to think about other things, able to eat food other than toast.

Last summer I made an appointment with a neurologist about my headaches but then never went — determined to solve the problem on my own without strong drugs.  I think I’ve passed that now — I think I would take just about anything if it stopped the pain.  Which is a desperate place to be.

I promise to try not to talk about headaches next time I get one and I apologize that the past few days have been brief and a little loopy.

Xox, g