It’s one thing to talk the talk.  It’s entirely different to walk the walk.

Today was an epic fail of me walking any type of decent human walk.  I know I don’t usually get into specifics but we spent the day driving my in-laws to the hospital for my father-in-law to have surgery later this week.  The hospital in question is NIH and the drive from their house is not short.

It’s a lot of time in an enclosed space with humans who just don’t share many of my thoughts or ideas about life.  That’s a wide net to cast, but it needs to be because I have very little in common with my in-laws.  Other than my husband. And I continually find it hard to believe that a man as good as my husband came from two people who just … aren’t that good.

Anyway.  It’s very easy in theory to understand the dynamics between John and I and his parents.  But in practice, in real life, all that rational thought goes out the window and I struggle to just be basically kind.  It’s such a constant onslaught of uncomfortable conversations, judgement and condescension that I lose myself completely.  Only after it’s all over and I’ve had a little time to decompress do I realize that I have once again failed.

And then I get to the point of fatigue with the repetitive interactions that I decide it’s all insanity on my part — repeating the same actions with the hope of a different outcome – that I don’t want to try anymore.  Haven’t I learned?

But you don’t get that reprieve with family.  Family never leaves, family never relents.  It’s ongoing and stressful and unrewarding.

And that was today.  And Wednesday.  And then hopefully not again for a very, very long time.

Xox, g