As of today, I haven’t had an alcoholic drink in 775 days.

There’s a time in my life when I would find that absolutely insane.  I worked in the restaurant industry, I was of Italian descent — wine was in my blood.

But the older I got, and the more disenchanted I became with how alcohol made me feel (honestly, this was a journey with John, so how it made us feel) the less I wanted to drink it.  We’d do sober months, give up drinking for Lent … all kinds of things that allowed us to not drink, but also didn’t make anyone else feel uncomfortable about our non-drinking.

I don’t remember exactly what the final straw was, but we both gave up drinking one September.  And then a few months later I broke and had a glass of wine while out at dinner with my Dad on a football weekend.  I didn’t like that it seemed to make him uncomfortable that we weren’t drinking and I’m nothing if not a Daddy’s girl.  Besides, I loved wine.

I had one glass and felt awful.  Not mentally, but physically awful.  After one glass.  One harmless glass of wine.

It was about six weeks later that I once again hung up my drinking glasses (or whatever the appropriate object would be in this metaphor) for good. I stopped drinking full stop four days after my fortieth birthday.

It’s funny to walk through life as a non-drinker but not an alcoholic.  It triggers people, leads to some awkward and uncomfortable conversations and forever changes relationships.  I had girlfriends who made wild and hilarious proclamations about their drinking – to illustrate their superiority to me? To justify their clearly unhealthy relationship to alcohol?  I don’t know.

My choice to be a non-drinker doesn’t have anything to do with anyone but myself.  I feel better.  My life is better.  I also don’t judge anyone else.  Everyone can and should make their own life choices, and we are taught young and it is reinforced often, that drinking responsibility is an integral part of life.  Of adulting.

Right now I’m reading “Quit Like a Woman” by Holly Whitaker.  It’s amazingly informative.  So perhaps expect blog posts about not drinking until I finish.  😊

xox, g