I thought a lot about how we all choose to exist in the world today.

It wasn’t a day filled with adventure or anything specific really – it was more an amorphous day of just existing for a moment – a pause or timeout from the stresses of everyday life.  A breath.

We drove aimlessly for far too long, sipping our coffees (tea for me) and just talking.  About life.  Our lives, our dreams, our pasts, our future.  We talked about what being back in State College regularly is for me – how it shapes my days and my thoughts.  We talked about the difference between what home means for me and what home means for John.  We talked about a lot of things. But we didn’t talk about people.  Maybe because it’s not interesting to us, maybe because we don’t interact with people regularly enough to have thoughts … or maybe it’s how we choose to exist in this life.

Which got me thinking about how people choose to be – how they choose to interact with the environment around them, the people they come in contact with – the content they choose to consume.

I’d be naive to think that there is no audience for what I consider absurd content.  Hateful content.  If there are makers, there are consumers.  People do not create readily without a need, a desire, a problem to solve.  And if content exists for things I consider worthwhile or useful, then the opposite must also be true.  And if both the content exists and the market exists, then I begin to consider the people who deem this form of content beneficial.  Who are they?  What is their motivation? Do they believe what they produce?  Has this served them well in the past?

And if I am wondering about these nameless, faceless people, shouldn’t I also consider my own role and my own choices in the same/similar situations ….

Which brings me back to the choices people make in how they exist in the world.

I can only speak for mine, because those are the only choices that I govern.  I know what I believe is worthwhile and useful and I know what I believe is hateful, ignorant and pointless.  But my beliefs only govern me … and my beliefs can also be viewed as opinions, which mean they are fallible, mercurial and undefinable.  ‘Worthless’ is not a noun, it is an adjective and therefore, infinitely subjective.

I’d get twisted about all of it but I’ve been having this thought circle for what feels like years, and I always end up back in the same place.  I can only control myself, I can only decide for myself and I cannot control, influence or mandate any other person’s choices in how they exist in this world.

It would be infuriating if it also wasn’t so finite.

Xox, g