I’m watching football.

I used to watch football religiously.  I planned my life around it.  I dressed the part. (The amount of Steelers jerseys that I own is a little embarrassing).  I could speak football-speak with the best of them.  I loved it.  But I haven’t watched football — like, really really watched it — in a long time.

Football saved me during some dark times.  When life felt too unbearably hard.  When I felt defeated.  And then, when the most awful time of my life happened … when I spent weeks in a hospital room talking to my mother in a coma before she died … football abandoned me.  Or rather, I abandoned it.  It suddenly felt insignificant, unimportant.  Everything did.

**

When I met my husband – long before the day my mother died – I thought he was a Steelers fan.  He went to college in Western PA.  He wasn’t an Eagles fan.  But instead of confirming his love of the black & gold, he made a face, laughed and said he absolutely hated the Steelers.  They had the worst fans.  He rooted for Big Blue.

Fun fact though, about when we met and our two teams.  Both squads were helmed by a draft pick from 2004.  And that tied our teams together for years … until now.  Well, technically until 2019.  But tonight we’re watching Ben’s last home game at Heinz Field and he’s the last guy playing from one of the best quarterback draft classes to date.  Philip Rivers, Eli Manning and Ben Roethlisberger.  And let me tell you, as someone who has watched #7 from the beginning — he certainly wouldn’t have been my pick as last man standing.  He took hits – a lot of them – and Bruce Arians’ offense during the beginning of his career, while explosive, didn’t protect him.

But here we are.  Eli retired following the 2019 season and Rivers retired in 2020.  I think Ben dreamed of playing into his 40s like Tom Brady, but we’ll see what happens after this season.  The rumblings, the implications, are that this is the end of the line.  And it makes me a little emotional.

Emotional enough to choose to watch Steelers football seriously for the first time in years.

I was twenty-four when Ben was drafted.  I worked as a server at a restaurant in State College.  I was a little adrift after graduating college the year before.  Tommy Maddox was Pittsburgh’s starting quarterback at the time – someone who might have been referred to as washed up and playing in the XFL before the Steelers signed him to their squad in 2001.  He had a couple good years (2002 Comeback Player of the Year!) but he certainly wasn’t their future.  All in all, Pittsburgh wasn’t very good and the team hadn’t had a great QB since Terry Bradshaw in the 70’s.  They picked at #11 in the 2004 draft and while Eli & Philip were off the board, Ben was there and Pittsburgh took him.  It was the beginning of a dominant run of Steelers football.  And for me, it was the start of a years long passionate football allegiance.  Ben was at the start of my love affair with NFL football.  And he’s been there ever since.

It feels strange to watch the passing of time catch up with my QB.  It’s hard to imagine Steelers football without Big Ben.

Time is strange.  Life is strange.

The only thing that is constant is change.

Xox, g