I’ve been struggling lately with social media.

I know, I know.  This is not a new theme.  It’s tired and annoying and honestly, I really *want* to stop thinking about it. But here we are and it is what it is.  I’m troubled and I can’t find peace.

A few days ago I posted (obviously) that I was stepping back from my Instagram indefinitely.  Because Instagram is my kryptonite.  I fall down a rabbit hole that leads to massive lost time, usually feeling bad about myself for missing some relevant cause or issue I should have acknowledged and angry for spending my time looking at other people’s (curated) lives instead of living my own.

Today, walking up the stairs I looked back at our Christmas tree, thought how beautiful it looked and immediately reached for my phone (which luckily I didn’t have on me).  Because if I don’t take a photo and immediately post it with a pithy comment downplaying my joy and pleasure in deference to being clever and slightly ‘bored’ … then did that moment even happen?  Does anything exist anymore without public documentation and commentary?

And social media etiquette… oof.  Just absolutely exhausting and ever-changing.  I have been wondering for a long time how much time I’ve watched drift away in pursuit of a perfect online persona.

Too much. That’s how much.  And for what reward?  Lots of views or likes?  What does that even mean anymore when we can’t even stand in a line without pulling out our phones and scrolling?  Sure, lots of people saw my cute picture of Lucy (with my implied eye roll and simultaneous heart eyes).  But why … cuz they care about me or Lucy?  Or because they can take a peak into my life without having actual contact or a relationship with me?

It sort of stresses me out.

Anyway.  That’s me today.  On Day #2 of no Instagram.  For the second time this year.

xox, g