When I finally decided to get up this morning, I did it in one motion.  Blanket back, legs swung round, eyes bleary, body heavy, my torso suddenly vertical and painfully stiff.

I’ve been feeling heavy lately.  Without a particular reason why.  Maybe its Lucy’s tumor — now removed and tested and benign but the scab still healing and the cone still on.  Maybe it’s our newest little dream that we’re slowly willing into reality — a dream I hesitate to talk about in absolutes or write about at all.  Maybe it’s just being tired because life never does slow down — that moment of relaxation always just out of reach.

Today I went to physical therapy despite it being the last thing I wanted to do.  I signed up for yoga and promptly cancelled my booking.  I want to sit and feel the fall, feel the cool air slipping through the open windows, filling our home with a delightful chill that necessitates sweatshirts and fuzzy socks and blankets.

I want to take my dog for a walk in the autumn sunshine and come home to curl up and read a book.  I want to breath and think and try to let go of the desperate stress that pervades every corner of my world.

I do not want to adult or even human today.  I can’t bear small talk and niceties … discussing anything other than nothing.

I want to be alone.  To be quiet.  To write and read and be comfortable and comforted.

xoxo, g