Right now, I feel like I’m drifting.  Doing just enough to stay afloat.  Unsure of where I’m going, just that I want to journey to get there.

It’s that part of winter that just makes me … listless.  It isn’t snowy and it isn’t really cold … it’s just meh.  Gray and windy and overcast and brown and depressing.  There’s a long stretch of time with nothing substantial to look forward to.  There are … things,  I guess.  Rabbie Burns Day and Valentines Day and Fat Tuesday … but those are small moments in a long stretch of monotony.  And honestly, Valentine’s Day and Fat Tuesday are moments that J+I celebrate when we realize that’s what day it is.  And sometimes, we don’t.

We aren’t haters.  We just worked in the food and restaurant industry for so long that most holidays don’t really register except as a busy night at work with the potential to make money during dry spells.  It doesn’t even bum me out.  I’m neither happy nor sad about Valentine’s Day … which is kind of how I feel about New Year’s Eve, if we’re naming holidays that stopped meaning much of anything the longer I worked in restaurants.

We always find moments to celebrate, things to look forward to.  Moments that happen on Tuesdays or Wednesdays … days that don’t usually mean much of anything in restaurants.

It’s funny how a person’s life becomes indelibly marked by certain things.  I think I was probably always destined to be a restaurant person even if I didn’t know it.  But the ebb and flow of restaurants, the way it morphs your calendar from a ‘regular’ work week to an industry week … those are imprints that have stayed even as our lives became much more routine.

Right now I’m rambling because I’m tired and I’m drifting and my brain has flashes of clarity amongst jolts of anger and frustration and utter fatigue.  It’s like a thick blanket of fog hangs ever-lasting across my mind.  I know why I feel this way, even if I hate admitting it.

Let’s go back to talking about Valentine’s Day.  Okay?

Xox, g