It’s my third day off social media and it feels as though I’m dying of thirst in the middle of a dessert as tumbleweeds roll by.

It’s a funny thing to realize how many times I would idly click through my feed or watch some stories … and now, I pick up my phone, click through my apps and then put it back down again.  Unfulfilled.  Empty.  Listless.

I think I’m currently caught in the middle passage …missing the connection and the cacophony of constantly being in touch with people, in the midst of conversations …  and not yet fully appreciating the silence.  Being with my own thoughts, my own creativity.  My own words.

It’s also been a strange few days because I have been sidelined by one of my least favorite things … a multi-day headache.  Which just sucks the life right out of me; it makes everything blurry and run-together as though there are no beginnings or endings …. just constant, throbbing pain.

I chose to give up social media and simultaneously attempt to blog for sixty-six days because I needed to find focus again and during December everything felt so fragmented.  Not that I couldn’t say the same for all the months of 2020 that preceded December, but it just reached this intense fever pitch of being pulled in too many directions and losing all track of myself.

And then, New Years Day and deafening silence.  And nauseous pain.  And all the resolutions and promises and fresh starts felt beyond my grasp — it was about surviving.

And now I’ve arrived at today, or to be more precise, tonight.  The eve before life resumes it’s normal cadence (we hope).  The night is dark and damp and I think I’m at the tail end of the headache … and all I want to do is curl up and finally sleep.  But before I do that, I’m typing away in my newly re-organized office, about to go do my nightly meditation, and I’m just so damn thankful that I can manage those few things when yesterday everything felt out of reach.

New Year’s Resolutions are funny things.  There’s so much pressure and so much angst to make these sweeping changes in life … and so often, all efforts fail, or fade out when the clock marches forward through January into February.  I think I’m probably way more successful at keeping resolutions that I begin at random throughout the year.  Like riding the bike — something that began on March 16 I believe.  Or nightly meditation (which took a few stops and starts) that began last year as the pandemic raged around us.  Or smoothies.  Or water consumption.  Or vitamins … or a myriad of other things J+I have added into life over the years.

We tried to make manageable resolutions this year.  We don’t know how long the pandemic will continue to affect our lives but we do know that we want to find joy in every day, find gratitude and happiness in the way we choose to live. We want to read more books and purposefully listen to more music.  We want to continue to pursue the things we love (fishing & hunting for him, yoga & wellness for me).  Travel if we can.  Drive too fast in the Porsche with the roof down in the sunshine.

Anyway.  I’m just rambling because after three days of headache and terrible sleep, my mind is a blur and my exhaustion is off the charts.

Xox, g