I actually start multiple blog posts a day … in my head.  It’s just finding the discipline to sit down and type.  But … that seems to be the theme of life in a lot of ways.  The mind is a very powerful thing, but transitioning thoughts into action takes discipline and dedication and … well, frankly, not being lazy.

Which I am.  Well, I can be.  Its a moveble target, y’know?

In support of my recent themed idea (because who will support me if I don’t support myself, right?):

What I’m Watching:  I just finished the second season of Big Little Lies and have started the first season of Killing Eve.  Some thoughts:  Big Little Lies was much more enjoyable than I anticipated.  I saw a lot of middle of the road reviews, people’s disappointment, but I thought it was a pretty interesting study of the human condition — why people do the things they do, that life exists in the gray area and black and white are pie-in-the-sky day dreams because very few things are all good or all evil.  How people get caught in situations, or life progressions and then look back and wonder what led them there — and what family and friends will do for each other, for the people they love and their different perspectives on what is best for others.  It was pretty fascinating, and the cherry on top are the actors: Nicole Kidman, Reese Witherspoon, Zoe Kravitz (who I loved this season), Shailene Woodley, Laura Dern and the incomparable Meryl Streep.  It made me want to go back and start from the beginning.  (Also, who doesn’t love Adam Scott?).

Killing Eve is like a hairpin turn after Big Little Lies and while I adore Sandra Oh and think she’s fabulous, Jodie Comer is what I love so far.  I’m only a couple episodes in, but I’m enjoying it.

What I’m Reading:  I am currently reading my aunt’s manuscript about the life of Robert Horton.  I know a lot of the broad strokes of the ‘story’ (because she has been sharing things over the years as her fascination with him has grown) but some of the subtle details are pretty fascinating.  She’s definitely done an amazing amount of research and should be applauded!  Next up I think I’m going to tackle The Wright Brothers.  I have always been fascinated by them (and Amelia Earhart) so I am looking forward to getting into that.

What I am Listening to:  Honestly?  Nothing specific right now.  It’s as though I can’t find the sound that is in my head, the music that will speak to me.  We recently got an Amazon Echo Dot and it’s been fun to speak to it and ask it to play certain music.  Hubs & I really love Gerry Mulligan jazz (which we played a few nights in a row ’round the fire pit).  But that’s about as specific as I can get!

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Every month I pick a quote and write it on a chalk board in our foyer.  I’ve been doing it for about a year and a half, and some months the quotes are better than others.  For this August, I picked a Teddy Roosevelt quote that I come back to a lot, because life is hard and we are all so hard on ourselves and social media does not make it any better.

“Comparison is the thief of Joy.”

When you’ve been ‘retired’ for two and half years, and doing yoga and laundry and Peloton classes (amongst other things) comparison to others can be deadly.  Feeling envy of working women, successful women, women whose voices are heard and respected … it can eat you alive from the inside out.  So I try to remind myself that it’s a bad, bad habit to compare my life with anyone elses.

I’m moderately to mildly successful on most days.  So, that’s a plus.

But it’s hard.  I see other people’s homes or cars or accomplishments and I wonder what I do with my time.  (Seriously.  I can’t even seem to find time to blog … what am I doing?!?). But when I take a deep breath I remind myself that my health is a top priority (because MS doesn’t let you enjoy short cuts … of any kind).  And exercise and laundry are important.  As is sleep and self-care and my relationship and walking the dog …. and then the rabbit hole begins again, because I don’t know what the point is or if I’m just on a hamster wheel.

Anyway.  Some of my thoughts.  Written down.  Because I’m trying, I really am!

xox, g