Trying to blog every day has been much more challenging that I anticipated.  I have posted more than once about what this space has become for me — my ideas and intentions.  And inevitably I have fallen short — distracted by life and without very good reasons for my neglect other than sheer laziness.

I’m not saying that to be overly harsh to myself or to evoke any pity.  I don’t have any other word to describe the reality that so often, doing nothing at the end of a day is so much more appealing than doing anything constructive.  My brain is so fried and overworked, all I want to do is shut off.  Blogging — while usually cathartic — does not allow my brain to shut off.

2015 has come in with  bang and John and I have no deep winter lull as the weather freezes around us — he’s away in Cancun for five days beginning tomorrow and is only home for two before I’m off to LA for work.  And then he’s off to NYC again for work before the end of the month.  I am not used to such an absurdly active January.  I mean — before we know it the seasons will be changing and summer will be here.

I also seem to habitually forget (perhaps mentally block?) the extreme pressure and stress of my job in January.  It’s beyond crazy.  I’m pretty sure I’m losing my mind and one of the thousand balls I have suspended in the air is going to crash and splinter and fall through the cracks.  And if one does, businesses are jeopardized, thousands of dollars are at stake and many people’s livelihoods are put on the line. That’s some real sh*t, lemme tell you.

But when I have had a moment of overwhelming paralysis this week, I’ve also reminded myself that this business and insanity have given us a good life.  And that’s a bigger blessing than anything.  So I’m going to keep pushing myself to come to this space every day, even if what I write is stupidly inconsequential.  And I’m going to keep on being grateful for the pressure and the busy-ness because it has given John and I so many gifts.

And that being said, I’m off to bed.