Right now, my eyelids are so heavy and my mind is so thick I cannot guarantee that this post will make any sense.

Today was a flurry of anxiety, frustration, fear and utter despair.  I honestly wondered halfway through the day how I’d possibly done my job successfully to this point.  I felt as though I was drowning.  I try to learn every day at work — learn a little bit more about accounting, learn a little bit more about HR, learn a little bit more about insurance.   Sometimes I feel as though my head is going to explode.  Often I feel as though I’m failing.  Luckily, and by the grace of God combined with a little hard work and elbow grease on my part, I’ve managed to be fairly decent at what I do, and I keep growing as the business grows — I guess that’s all I can ask for.

But amidst the growth and learning and keeping things rolling along come days like today.  Ooof.

It’s somewhat surreal to shake uncontrollably for the majority of your day and not have a clear idea how to make it stop.  But eventually, as another wave of panic seemed to engulf me, I realized I’d gotten through the majority of my to-do list, and I was safe to hit the road and head home.

Lucy had come to work with me (a leaky pipe and the necessity of a plumber shutting off the water is always the way a person likes to begin their first week of the new year).  So we packed up my (overstuffed) bag and headed home.

I thought about my resolutions on my drive home — I actually thought about them a lot as I lay in the murky early morning darkness trying to settle my wildly pounding heart.  Anxiety is the worst.  But beginning each day by confirming that it is going to be a good day — SO HARD.

And yet, I sort of think it made today a little better.  So that’s a start.