This morning, I returned to the mat for the first time in months.

It felt amazing.  And scary.

Things have changed so much in a year.  I’ve had to learn a lot about living with the limitations that now exist for me.  And the mental stuff that goes along with it.

I sometimes think that people think  they understand what I deal with on a daily basis.  And I appreciate the love and support.  I do.  But the truth is, no one, not even another person with MS, can totally understand my daily struggles.  As I talked through some things with my yoga instructor (my favorite, of past blog posts) I laughed.  A lot.

It sounds ridiculous to say some of the things I say when it comes to my symptoms.  It’s just … well, funny.  And what I also realized was that so many of these quirky things have become normal to me.  It’s just how things are.

Which I guess is progress.  Even though it doesn’t feel that way when things that used to come easily (oh, I don’t know, walking for example) are now a challenge.  Something I’m acutely aware of throughout the day.  Things that change how I make decisions.  How many blocks is it, how many things do I have to carry … how much time do I have/need?

What was wonderful about today’s return to yoga was feeling as though I was making a decision to nurture myself a little.  Work has been brutal and looks to remain brutal for the foreseeable future.  Which means I have to figure out a way to keep work from crippling me (literally ~ because stress is what makes me worse).  Choosing yoga and taking a short day is a step (albeit tiny) in the right direction.

Baby steps, right?