One of the very hard truths I’ve learned since January is that moderation – and more importantly, being aware of moderation – is infinitely important to my well-being.

I used to believe that if you just pushed through, you would get to the other side, you would accomplish that which you wanted, and all would be well.  Unfortunately, it doesn’t quite work that way for me anymore.

I have to confess ~ it’s humbling and really really frustrating.

Let me paint a picture.  Imagine growing up the American daughter of a Brit.  A woman who suffered unimaginable loss at the tender age of twenty-two, rebuilt her life and became a success both personally and professionally after moving to the United States.

That’s not ‘a little’ to live up to ~ it’s a boat load.  My mother pushed through all the hard times ~ stiff upper lip and turn the other cheek and ‘buck up’ and all that jazz.   Additionally, as I started to deal with all my baggage, she was soldiering through her own ~ much more gracefully and with incredible focus of purpose and positivity.

It’s been a rough few weeks for me.  I hesitate to admit that, because I don’t want to seem weak, or as though I were exploiting my health for attention or to be given consideration.  I’m trying – with various levels of success – to keep living as normal a life as possible.  It’s not always easy.  I’m very tired.  And for the past few weeks, as I struggled through a flare and IV medication (among other, equally fun, things) I have had to come to terms with my limitations.

I’m not sure which is the best word to describe it ~ angry, sad, impotent ….  My brain floods with descriptions, but my body is paralyzed from action.

Last weekend the man and I ventured north to visit his home town, and after eating highly processed meals saturated with sodium I knew that even though I didn’t always feel it, our diet makes a huge impact on our lives.  I knew that sleep played as big a part as anything ~ and that stress absolutely triggers my symptoms.

No more could I will myself to do as I bid.  My condition has made me be honest with myself ~ revelatory.

Here’s the truth ~ in a nutshell, and as I  know it so far.

Sleep is my friend.

A balanced diet is my friend.

Green smoothies every morning make me (and my body) happy.

Gluten does not.

Two or three glasses of wine are my limit.

I have to focus on work/life balance ~ otherwise, I can’t see a thing.

Sometimes (more often than not right now), I have to say no.

Saying no doesn’t mean I’m weak, or a failure.

Water – lots of it – is my friend.

Life shouldn’t be stressful, (other than work ~ which really can’t help itself).

Loving your job is a blessing ~ be thankful.

Having someone beside you who understands and supports you is invaluable.  Seriously.

I’ve found that when things feel a little overwhelming, making little lists like the above helps me keep things in perspective.  Every day I learn something, every day I hit a road block I wasn’t expecting … but the truth is that those things don’t always have to do with MS, and trying to get myself to see the bigger picture is a good exercise.  I do have to walk my own journey, and I have to be comfy in my own moccasins.  It’s really easy to look around and compare my journey to others ~ but it’s not really helpful or healthy.  Those are things I have to remember.