So, I’m sitting here and I’m trying so hard to compose something about sincere effort ~ because I loved the idea during class tonight, and I think it really pushes you to be brutally honest with yourself.  It’s super easy to think you’re always sincere in your effort ~ in your actions.  Buuuuut … when you get right down to it, there are times when we all phone it in; when we go through the motions.

The past few days have been really tough for me.  All the really “fun” side effects of my new meds (which I’d sincerely hoped wouldn’t exist for me ) have reared their ugly heads, and even going through the motions has posed a challenge.

So having a moment to focus on my actions, and the motivations behind them was really helpful tonight.  I’ve been frustrated and angry by what I’ve felt is my body failing me.  My mind failing me.  Taking a step back and re-committing to positive thinking and sincerity in what I do was more necessary than I realized.

Even though MS teaches me something every day … about what I’m capable of, what I’ve taken for granted in the past, the daily lessons of patience & tolerance ~ there’s so much more to my life than MS.  There are a crazy amount of exciting and challenging things happening (not to mention the man and my wedding!) that it is easy to get distracted, run down and jaded.

And in the past few days, as I’ve fought my frustrations and set backs, I’ve lost track of myself and my commitment to being strong and upbeat; meeting the ‘road bumps’ of MS head on.  I’m tired tonight, and my body is exhausted.  I want to be able to write coherently about how comforting tonight’s class was ~ how much lighter I felt afterwards, thinking of class’s meditation.

But the truth is, I wouldn’t be putting sincere effort into this post.  And even though I’m going to hit publish at the end of my rambles, please do as I say, and not as I do.

When I do put my full effort into something, I feel much more fulfilled at the end of my day ~ as though I spent my time in a worthwhile way.  And I’m writing this post so I can remember today’s lesson in sincere effort.  Even when I’m doing a little bit of ‘phoning in.’