I’ve had this little seed of a thought in my mind for the past few days … and I’ve been working to figure out the essence of it, because while I understood what I wanted to share, I wasn’t sure how to do it.

I”m not sure I know now, either, but I figured I was ready to try.

Yesterday on Live with Kelly & Michael they honored one of their “Unstoppable Mom” finalists.  I had to stop and watch because the woman is from the town in which my parents now live.  Just watching her daily life made me feel both tired and super lazy.  By the end, I had goosebumps and tears in my eyes.  People are amazing, everywhere, and so often their incredible-ness is known only to those in their immediate circle.  I was inspired by the life that woman leads, and it made my accomplishments and obstacles feel small in comparison.

And then I took a step back, and told myself to stop being such a downer.  Yes, her life is inspiring, and I am so glad I was able to witness it, albeit briefly, but I decided I wasn’t going to allow myself to diminish the journey I’ve been on these past few months.  (Although I know for a fact that if I woke up daily at 4.30a and went to bed at midnight I would be a very cranky person ~ sleep is my friend, and in a lot of ways, my savior).  Everyone walks in their own moccasins, and everyone’s path is both challenging and rewarding on epic levels for each individual.  That’s the truth.  Comparisons are silly and not constructive or helpful in any way.

I’d always been that person who wanted to be healthy, active and a contributor to society. But even though I admired those people focused on recycling and the environment, clean eating and soulful exercise, etc, I never seemed to find the motivation within myself to sustain that type of lifestyle.  Last July, when I sat down with my nutritionist/friend to discuss health options for people with MS, I felt myself tense up and dig in my heels in utter resistance.  I had a million excuses … and I felt they were all very stong, very valid points.

And yet, here I sit with my green smoothie, my yoga bag tucked in the corner of my office ready for class tonight, and the man and I have converted our kitchen from a den of delicious comfort food to a veritable vegetable patch and whole foods haven.  And even weirder ~ I crave veggies.  I don’t feel okay unless I’ve loaded up with all kinds during pretty much every meal, every day.  I like them blended, stuffed, grilled, dunked in hummus, chopped … you name it.  And listen, I never even imagined it would be possible, let alone a reality.  It’s amazing what a person can accomplish with a little motivation.

We started small, because I was pretty averse to all the changes that my nutritionist said were necessary.  And I will admit that while we’ve cut back on our dairy intake, I probably won’t ever give it up completely.  No matter what evil pieces of information come my way to encourage it.  As I type this, I’m salivating thinking of the stuffed pepper I have in the fridge for lunch.  The man did dinner last night, because I was at the office until nearly seven (gasp!) and it was soooo good.  Even better, he made enough for lunch today, which was smart, because having anything else with that memory on my taste buds would have been disappointing.

So all these thoughts have been floating in my mind and I also realized that we are nearly halfway through March (a month that, historically, is not my friend) and I’m not feeling like I normally do ~ lethargic, sad, disinterested in life … overwhelmingly apathetic.  And it has made me consider one of my favorite quotes (which hung on my mother’s beside wall in most of our homes through the years) ~

Change your thoughts and you will change your world.  

I haven’t just changed my thoughts ~ but in this new year, I have focused very hard on staying strong and upbeat and positive about all that life has thrown my way. It doesn’t help anyone to cry woefully about one’s lot in life ~ it’s better to get up, dust oneself off, and get on with things (which as I type sounds so British in my head). I’m not sure if it’s the new diet, the cleaner living, the dedication to exercise, the lack of alcohol (a known depressant) or my concerted effort to stay positive, but I do definitely feel different.  I have spent large chunks of my life battling what I’ve always referred to as ‘the darkness’ and right now, it feels very far away.  Even though things are tough, and unknown and scary things seem to be around every corner, and one of the largest side effects of my new medicine is depression.  So in a way, I’m walking proof of the power of the mind.

In so many ways, big and small, 2013 has been the start of a new life for the man and I.  Yes, we will be making it legal in June (!!), but it’s so much more than that.  I think back to four and half years ago and am amazed at how far we’ve come together ~ the accomplishments, the lessons learned, the chances taken.  I think I’m a pretty tough chick, but he is my partner in every sense of the word, and when I’ve been weak, he’s been strong.  I couldn’t and wouldn’t be where I am without his support and teamwork.  I feel so incredibly blessed for all that I have in terms of family and friendship.  I think that has helped buoy me through all this craziness as well.  I won’t allow myself to be beaten.  (I’m a little bit competitive … and that may or may not be an understatement!).

So now that I’ve waxed lyrical for a while, I’ll close out with this ~ it’s a much more beautiful world when you’re smiling all the time.  Even if you’re faking it, eventually you might even fool yourself.