Today was rife with challenges, but setting all that aside (work politics will never not be work politics, no matter the industry, no matter the time) it wasn’t a terrible day.  I got home a little later than normal — possibly due to the steady rain – and the man and I set to packing more boxes.

It’s sort of crazy how packing tires you out.  I can feel the tension reaching a pitch perfect point in my shoulder blades, and it seems so odd that I feel it so acutely.  What is so stressful about putting things in boxes?

Today was a tough day.  Both personally and professionally.  Have you ever faced a decision, a situation, and you really don’t know what to do?  Not a moment when you know the ‘right’ thing and the ‘wrong’ thing and can’t decide — but a situation when you really have no idea how you want to handle it?

Yes.  I’m there.  And it’s excruciating.

So just for my own peace of mind — to be able to say something in my own defence even if I’m shouting into nothingness — I am not a bad person.  I have never been a bad person.  I may have made bad decisions, but inherently, I’m not a bad person.

However,  I can’t convince people who feel otherwise of my belief in who i am.  And honestly, the older I get, the less I care.  If you don’t like me, if you think terrible things about me, well, first – I’m not interested in having you in my life.  And second, I don’t care anymore if you’ve never really gotten to know me past your assumptions.

All that being said, it is different when it’s family.  And there’s the rub.

If I could continue to ignore the situation, I would.  But I’m getting on a plane in three weeks, and things will be addressed so I need to figure out how I want to handle it now — and just do it.  But there are SO many factors, so many sides, so many shades of each color ….  It’s driving me nuts.

Life.  She’s a real corker sometimes.